Babysitting Bitches

After much research AND hesitation, I finally joined a gym. It's not my first choice. My first choice was the "elite" gym five minutes from my house, but the "elite" gym was very expensive. Twice the cost of the affordable one. So the affordable gym is the one I joined. In fact, we got such a good deal, my husband joined too. It's about a 25 minutes drive from my house, and I hate crossing the parking lot to the gym because it's in a busy strip mall, but inside it's actually quite nice. They just built it last year and it had the nicest kids' play area of all the gyms I saw. In fact the play area was twice the size of the "elite" gym, so I figured my kids would have more room to play while I worked out. I thought joining a gym would help me lose weight and relieve stress, but it's only been my second day, and already it's starting to become another source of stress.

The facility and equipment are great. I have no complaints about the quality of the gym. It's the bitches watching my kids that are causing me grief. The first day I went, I had planned to go before noon when it's not so busy, but shit happened and I didn't get to the gym until 5 pm. It was peak time, and when I got to the babysitting room, I was asked if I had a reservation. Yes, a reservation to babysit my three kids. I said I didn't know I needed one. So the fatty behind the desk said, "Sorry you can't work out today because we are at full capacity (which was 26 kids, but I only saw 14 in there) and we can't take anymore children". I was so mad, I went to the assistant manager and she reiterated there was a policy of reservations to prevent overcrowding. I was so angry, tearful, and confused at the same time, I didn't know what to say, so I left with the kids and complained to my husband how I will never be able to workout, never!

He called up the manager and gave him an earful about responsibility and customer service and threatened to cancel our membership. The manager gave us one month free of babysitting services if we stayed, so we did.

Today, I went to the gym again. This time I saw a huge sign on the front desk that said "Attention Kids Club members (this included me, it means I prepay babysitting with my membership to get a discount on 2 hours of childcare per gym visit): Please make sure you make reservations to secure space for your children." Wow, I thought. My husband made them do that.

I proceeded to the babysitting area. This time I had made reservations. I was so close to working out, I couldn't believe it. I checked the kids in, changed H's poopy diaper, and left the room, finally tasting freedom.

I didn't even get to check my bag into my locker before my name was announced on the intercom to report to the Kids Club. WTF? I went back and found Z crying hysterically "Mama, Mama" and the fatty woman saying "I didn't know what to do, she wouldn't calm down." There were only two women in the room watching four children, three of whom were mine. It wasn't a huge burden on them to maybe take Z for a stroll or show her what's outside the window. No. They just didn't want to deal with a crying baby. So I sat down for about 10 minutes trying to calm Z down. She was fine as long as I was in front of her, but the minute I turned around to leave she would start crying again. Classic separation anxiety. The other two, R and H were completely fine, only Z was having a problem. While I was sitting in the playroom playing legos with Z, I started overhearing the two bitchy babysitters. One was blond the other brunette, but both fatties. The blond one says to the brunette, "Oh gawd, I need a tylenol really bad, I don't know how I'll be able to last another hour here...." then she spied a woman carrying two kids into the gym and says, "oh no! she better not bring those kids in here, oh no. we already have four kids in here." What was this? Maximum capacity is 26 kids, and why is she bitching about members and their kids, in front of ME, another member of the club? Maybe she forgot I was sitting on the floor playing legos with my daughter. I got up and said, "Look, I didn't get a membership to this gym to play legos with my kids in the playroom, I want to work out. Can't you let her cry a little? She'll calm down after a while." This time the fatty brunette pipes up, "Sorry, you can't leave her here while she's crying, she might throw up and our cleaning lady doesn't come until 11 pm, and the vomit will pose a health hazard for the rest of the kids." The dumbest excuse I've ever heard! She doesn't want to clean vomit? What does she think childcare is, playing ring around the rosie with perfect angels? I wish I was a more confrontational person, but I'm not. I hate fights, I hate arguments, and I am one of those people who can never think of a good comeback on the spot. It always comes to me about 3 hours after the incident, with me thinking "damn I should have said that" but it's always too late. Very much like George Costanza and that Seinfeld episode about the Jerk Store. What I should have said was, "I think you need to add another sign on your front desk that says 'No Crying Children Allowed'" but it doesn't even matter now.

So I left Z crying and decided I was going to quit the gym. I left the playroom and ironically the manager was standing right outside. He asked me what was wrong, I looked so sad. I told him everything that happened, including how the girls were bitching about members and their kids, and asked him if they were going to bitch about me and my kids that way too? The manager said he was going to talk to them, but I asked him not to, that I was afraid that if he did that, the bitches would treat my kids bad and I don't want any tension, I just want to quit the gym and go home with my kids. The manager, who by the way was a very nice guy, said he would not tolerate treatment like that by his staff, told me to go workout and he went in to talk to the bitches. I ended up doing about five minutes of elliptical before I decided to go back and see what what was happening in the kids room. The manager saw me first and said he spoke with them and everything was alright. My kids were being taken care of and Z had stopped crying because he got the assistant manager in there to take care of Z personally. That was nice of them. He insisted I complete my workout and not worry about the kids, he won't let anyone treat kids badly in his gym. So I got to complete about 15 minutes of treadmill and did some stretches and ab work for 15 minutes before I decided I had enough fun for one day. My mind was racing thinking about the kids, I couldn't relax.

When I went to go pick up the kids, R was having fun with some kids his own age, and Z was quietly coloring with markers. This time it was H who was crying "Mommy, mommy" and the blond fatty was holding her and trying to calm her down. I tried to be nice and said "Actually, they're not used to daycare that's why they're crying so much today" but the bitch didn't even make eye contact and just handed H over to me. Gosh. I didn't want to tattle on them, but I had no choice. The manager wanted to know exactly why I was planning to quit, and I had to tell him.

So I'm still a member of the gym, but I don't know why I still don't feel comfortable with the babysitting. It sucks. I am now going to be one of those women that make them go "oh gawd no, she better not be coming in here with those kids". I told my husband that the "elite" gym would never employ people like that and would let Z cry it out before they paged me. But the management at the affordable gym is good to us, and from what it seems, is desperate to keep us on as members, so we're sticking it out with them a little longer. Tonight, my husband went to the gym, sans kids, after dinner. He's so lucky. He doesn't even need to deal with the babysitting bitches because the kids club closes at 9 pm and by then it's the kids bedtime anyway (we fixed the kids' sleeping schedule, all it took was one day of waking them up at 8 am and they all started going to bed by 9 pm. Genious.)
I swear, after having kids, it's me whose life has changed the most, not his. He can still get up and go anywhere, without ever having to ask me "Can you watch the kids while I (do whatever I want to do)?". Yet, if I want to do anything without the kids, like get a haircut, go to the store, or even workout, I have to ask, beg, someone to watch my kids. I really hope I haven't screwed it up with the babysitting bitches, as bitchy as they are, I really need them.

Are They Fraternal or Identical?

When my twins were born almost two years ago, they shared the characteristics of being both fraternal and identical twins. They shared one placenta like identical twins, but had separate sacs like fraternal twins. At the time, I had asked the pediatrician whether they were identical or not, and he said it was hard to tell because of the situation. I think he used the term "mono-dizygosity" or something. I wanted to get a DNA test done, but then we got involved in the hustle and bustle of juggling three kids under age 2 and forgot. Until we were discharged from the hospital, we used the tags on their feet to tell them apart: Twin A was Z and Twin B was H. When I got them both home finally, I started noticing the individual characteristics of each twin. Z, the older one, was overall a bigger baby, had a round face, and big eyes, and always seemed to squint a little. H, the younger one, had chubby cheeks, small oriental eyes, and really cute smile. As a mother I had to actually look at their face to tell them apart, and this was important because for the first six months, H. was on a medication and I almost accidentally gave it to Z! Good thing I always double checked before administering the medicine.

As they grow older, they are increasingly starting to look more and more alike. They both have their personal security blankets, or "blankies" as they like to call them, and in the middle of the night when they come waltzing back to my room from their beds, I actually have to look at the color of the blanket to figure out who it is! H has a wild plaid color blankie and Z's is purple. Aside from that, even my husband and I are starting to confuse them. My sister-in-law recently said she always thought the twins were identical, she could never tell them apart and it drove her crazy when I dressed them alike because that further complicated things. My own mother recently admitted that she used to try to remember the clothing color of the day to tell them apart, but when they were dressed alike, it took a while to figure out who was who. Especially since they have the exact same hairstyle. They have different personalities and behaviors so that helps differentiate them, but other than that it's like looking at two identical peas in a pod. Now that they have started talking a little, they are playing even more games with people. Both of them think their name is H. Z knows her name is Z and will respond to Z, but when you ask her "what's your name?", she says "H". And H says her name is "H" as well. It drove my mom nuts one day when she was trying to figure out who was who, and both of them were saying their name was "H".

I continue to insist the girls are fraternal. When they both stand next to each other I can clearly tell the difference, but everyone else who sees them sees identical twins. I finally decided to settle the case once and for all and am going to get the twin zygosity testing done to see if they are identical or fraternal twins. Genetree is a great site, I actually got the recommendation from another mom of twins I met at the park. She had the same problem with the mono-di thing, so she ordered the kit, swabbed the inside of each girls mouth, and sent in the DNA sample. For a fee of $195, she finally got confirmation that her twins were genetically identical even though they looked totally different. She convinced me it's good to know in case the girls ever have any health issues in the future that require that kind of knowledge.

Of course I'm the mom, so I always know who's H and who's Z, as long as I'm looking at their face. In the light. I'm just doing the test to know for sure how different or not different they are.

Will Smith Wants Aishwarya Rai

"I would do anything that Aishwarya Rai will be part of. I love her so."- Will Smith

I had no idea Will Smith was into Bollywood. Neither did I know that it was Aishwarya Rai who was supposed to be Will Smith's co-star in Hitch, and not Eva Mendes. Aish was apparently too busy shooting that bomb of a film Bride and Prejudice to do Hitch. I bet she wishes otherwise in hindsight, doesn't she? Despite that, Will Smith is still determined to make a Hollywood movie with Aishwarya Rai sometime this year, but busy body Aish can't seem to find the time in her schedule. If I were Aish, I would drop whatever song and dance musical I was currently involved with and head on over to Hollywood and shoot the film with Will already. Seriously, what is there to even think about here? On the one hand, you're doing another rip-off of an American movie, bastardized Bollywood style with songs and fantasy sequences galore, and on the other hand, you've got Will Smith begging you to do a movie with him. Aish is a stupid, stupid girl.

Look 10 lbs. Lighter, Carry a Big Bag

Not that Hollywood celebrities need the extra help, but it's a known fact that carrying a huge bag will automatically make you look 10 pounds lighter. The latest "IT" bag of the moment is the Yves Saint Laurent Muse bag. Of course, everyone wants the white one, it's the color of the season, that's why it's backordered at Neiman Marcus. Neiman's will even personalize the bag with your initials (limit of two letters), at no extra cost.

YSL Muse Bag, $1,295

Like I said, there' s a wait for the white, but it is currently available in chocolate leather at Neiman Marcus. If you are open to other designs in the Muse, Bergdorf's got a nice collection in metallic leather, leopard print, and linen.

We Love The Laurie Berkner Band!

Well, I finally did it. I bought the new DVD, "We Are The Laurie Berkner Band". I realized it was finally time to have my own.... err I mean, my kids own copy of their favorite songs on DVD so we could watch the videos whenever we wanted. Until now, I would just turn on Noggin and pray (really hard!) that a Laurie Berkner video would be on within the next five minutes to entertain us and allow me to do the dishes.

I like all the musicians on the Noggin channel but Laurie's songs are the best hands down. They make you want to march like a dinosaur or sing "Under a Shady Tree, you and me" right along with your kids without feeling corny about it. On a side note, I also like Dan Zanes and Friends, you know the band that sings "All Around the Kitchen Cocka-doodle Doodle Doo" but I don't like any of their other songs enough to buy their DVD.

I've gotta thank the cool mom at The Armadillo Tales for helping me find the best price on the Laurie Berkner DVD. Noggin keeps telling you to buy it from MusicSpaceKids.com, but the best deal on the net for the DVD is at Amazon.com for $14.96.

Mary Kate Olsen Really Is Skinny as a Pole

You know you've got a problem when a parking meter is looking wider than your skinny legs. Somebody please give this girl a burger already. She's wasting away! [source]

Have Time Machine, Will Travel

Sometimes I wish I had a time machine. I would use it to travel back to the year 1998, right when the dot com stock craze was getting into full swing, tell my younger and immature self exactly what stocks to buy and at what time to sell them, and then come back to the present day finding myself fabulously wealthy. I could buy all the Jimmy Choos I want and still have enough left over to fund my kids and grandkids retirements. I don't know how travelling back in time to give myself stock tips would alter my present reality, but it would be cool to just once not miss the boat with the next big stock.

Kristin Kreuk Plays a Pakistani

Yes, I've turned into a Just Jared junkie today. The kids are taking an unusually long nap and I'm all caught up with laundry. I came across this story a while ago but thought I'd post about it today. Kristin Kreuk is playing a Muslim Pakistani girl in an upcoming movie called "Partition", with Jimi Mistry and Neve Campbell as co-stars. It's a story about a Pakistani girl who gets left behind on the Indian border during partition, and is rescued by a hottie sardar played by Jimi Mistry. Looks interesting. The movie is still in post-production but is expected to be released sometime this year. Here's a trailer from the movie.

Click here for more photos of Kristin and the cast. I think she looks cute, although she looks a little more like an Afghani pathan than a Pakistani. Then again, alot of Pakistanis have Afghani roots (my great-grandparents were from Afghanistan) so it works out.
If Jimi is looking familiar, and your thinking, "I know I've seen him somewhere but I just can't remember", I'll help you out. He was the lead hottie in Touch of Pink and The Guru.

Guess Who?

Notice the resemblance? It's Tom Cruise's look-alike mother. I wonder if is she is as crazy as him? Just Jared has more.

Baby Trump and Melania's Shoes

Here are some photos of Donald Trump's latest progeny, Barron Williams Trump.

The Trumps with baby Barron. Why doesn't Melania ever smile? Does she not like her teeth?

The Golden Carriage with attached Chandelier was a gift from Ellen Degeneres. I wonder if they will actually go for strolls in this thing, or use a Bugaboo instead.

The Golden Prince not only has his own nursery, but an entire floor to himself. The floor has his room, quarters for his nanny, Mama Melania, a kitchen, and a living room. Wow, his own little studio apartment! I'm loving Melania's shoes. Thong sandals are all the rage this summer. I can't quite place the designer, but you can steal this look at Macy's for $99.

Matisse "Winston" Slingback Thong Sandal, $99.

[photo source: People]

Suri, It's Over

Well I guess I was wrong. There really was a baby in there. Suri. In a strange twist of cosmic events that even L. Ron couldn't explain, Katie Holmes and Brooke Shields gave birth to baby girls on the exact same day! Click here for the full article. In terms of baby stats, both girls measured 20 inches, but Tom's baby girl, named Suri, is 7 oz. heavier than Brooke's baby girl, named Grier. Knowing how much Brooke and Tom like each other, I don't think these two will ever get together for playdates. Let's pray Katie doesn't get post-partum depression, because we all know she won't be allowed to take any drugs. Katie, honey, don't worry. If you need some drugs, I'll send you some Zoloft in a plain unmarked bag. I promise I won't tell Tom.

Freaky News of the Day: Tom Cruise to Eat Katie's Placenta

Now I've heard everything. If you didn't believe me before, now you will all agree, TOM CRUISE IS THE CRAZIEST MAN ALIVE! He was recently quoted in GQ magazine as saying he can't wait to eat Katie's placenta when she gives birth:

He told GQ magazine: "I'm gonna eat the placenta. I
thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I'm gonna eat the cord
and the placenta right there."

But, it seems Tom may have bitten off more than he can chew with his bold
declaration.

The interviewer pointed out that a placenta is rather large, so Tom
replied: "Ok, maybe I won't." [Sky Showbiz]

So that's the only thing that made him change his mind? The size? Why doesn't Tom arrange for a sushi chef to be present at the "silent" birth so he can slice and dice that sucker up and serve it to him, cord and all? This is just too nasty. If Tom was trying to be funny, he failed miserably. The only thing he confirmed by this statement is that he is completely crazy, and disgusting. [photo source: Just Jared]

Katie's on a Shoe Shopping Spree

Day 1

Day 2

Someone didn't send the memo to Katie Holmes. Pregnant women NEVER go shopping for two hours at a time for shoes when they are nine months pregnant. Especially "hard to bend over and zip knee high boots" and high heel sandals. When I was nine months pregnant (twice) my feet were too swollen to fit into anything but flip flops and oversized slip on shoes. At one point I was wearing my husband's shoes! But I was NOT shopping for new shoes at this point. Most pregnant women at this stage shop for baby things or nursing bras. Katie needs to be spending more time at Babies R Us and less time at Nieman Marcus if she wants to make this sham plausible.

I'm now beginning to believe Katie's already had the baby (if she was even pregnant at all), and is on a post-partum shoe shopping spree. You moms out there know what I'm talking about. The day you finally get out of your post-partum stupor and decide you are ready to pack away the maternity clothes (about 2-3 months after the baby has been born) and realize none of the shoes in your closet fit anymore because they are too small. I agree with the other gossip blogs, this "baby" is going to emerge at the same time MI3 is released.

The keywords that bring people to my blog

It's been interesting noticing what kind of keyword searches are bringing people to my blog after I installed StatCounter on my page last week (thanks Leilouta!).

The majority of the people are looking for "chic mommy". Not particularly me, but probably articles or news about what the hot trends are for fashion conscious moms. I know because I sometimes do searches like that too. I like to be in the know with what's in style with hip swanky mamas, even though I'm usually a Stay At Home Mess of a mom hanging out in t-shirts and sweatpants. Hey, my job involves cleaning boogers, potty, and other messes all day long so I dress the part. Diane Von Furstenberg can't handle the rigors of kiddie messes, but Gap does it extremely well.

The other words that bring people to my blog are:

1. Hayden Harnett
2. Louis Vuitton
3. Lambskin Spy Satchel
4. Fendi
5. Hayden Harnett Coupon Code (glad I could help!)
6. Banana Republic Tangiers Tote (this bag is really hot! and next on my summer must have list!)
7. Himesh Reshammiya
8. Jhalak Dikhlaja lyrics (This song is getting out of control.)

I've been getting alot of hits for the Hayden Harnett coupon code. Glad to see I'm not alone in my love for Hayden-Harnett. I actually just bought the yellow Montauk hobo with the coupon code I posted earlier, I can't wait until it arrives. And for those men who read my blog, you should check out Hayden-Harnett for their "man bags". Your wife's handbag is already full of her own stuff and she has no more room to store your blackberry, iPod, chapstick, Zagat's, etc... isn't it about time you got your own bag to store your stuff? Your pockets are clearly not enough, and don't even think about stuffing anything more than a wallet in your cargo pants!



Hayden Harnett Mercer Satchel, $448. It's a man bag you can be proud to carry.


Finally, there are the creepy searches.

1. Nekkid mommi photos
2. mommi and me nekkid
3. mommi tank top

I'm spelling these words wrong on purpose so as not to direct more traffic here for those words, but the creeps who were searching for them spelled it right and landed on my blog. F*cking perverts! I'm glad they didn't find what they were looking for.

Please Don't Feed the Carbugs

You've heard people tell you not to eat cookies or other snacks in your bed because you might get "bedbugs". Now you can add another rule to that list. Don't eat food in your car because you might get "carbugs". No kidding. My husband took our minivan to get cleaned and detailed this weekend and the guys cleaning it found about 50 small insect-like creatures from under the cup holders and car seats. This was nothing new to the car cleaners, they had seen it before, but for us...we were like holy crap, we have bugs in our car? How did they get there? Do we need to call an exterminator and get our car fogged or sprayed?

Apparently, we learned, all it takes is for one bug to get inside the car, feast off a french fry or crackers or whatever your kids managed to throw on the floor, lay eggs somewhere in the body of the car, and boom, you're infested. The bugs are harmless to humans, and the cleaners removed all the bugs they could find (about 50 of them, yikes!) but I still have a creepy feeling about driving around in the car knowing there might be some left. Just thinking about them makes me start itching my head, as if one is crawling in my hair, (I don't know why, but every time someone says the word "bugs" and especially the word "lice", I scratch my head, it's just the image bugs conjure, they make me feel itchy like they are crawling all over me). The cleaners said if we see any more bugs, just kill them. We can't "bomb" or fumigate our car because the fumes could get trapped in our ventilation system and be harmful to our health.

Great. Just what I needed. Carbugs. You can be sure my kids are going to have to wait until we get home to eat McDonald's french fries from now on. Oh, and me too.

World's Craziest Serenading Boyfriend

Some guys, when they miss their girlfriends, pick up the phone and call them. Or they send them an e-mail. Others, like this chap in this video, decide to serenade their girlfriend on a camcorder and put the video up on You Tube. God bless the internet.

This funny guy is from Delhi, India and is singing "Jhalak Dikhlaja" by Himesh Reshammiya. The transalation to the lyrics are such:

"Jhalak Dikhlaaja"
Give me a glimpse


"Ek bar ajaa ajaa ajaa ajaa aaaaaaja"
Just come to me one more time, come to me, come to me, come to me, oh please come to me just once more.


It doesn't get any cheesier than this.

Cool Bags for Summer

Okay, enough obsessing over bags beyond my reach. Today I want to write about bags that are actually within my budget. I went to Banana Republic recently and was blown away by the style and quality of their handbag collection. The bags are made of Italian leather and have all the style details of high end designer bags without the sticker shock. Plus, I couldn't confirm this but I must mention it, the saleswoman at Banana Republic said that all their bags are made by Coach. So when you buy a Banana Republic bag, you are actually buying a Coach bag. Considering how much Coach is charging for bags these days (I read they jacked up their prices by $200-300 per bag so as not to look like a bargain compared to Louis Vuitton), Banana Republic bags are a real catch.

Just to give you an idea of how close Banana Republic is in style and detail to high-priced Italian bags, compare Banana Republic's Tangiers Tote ($198) to Tod's D-Bag ($1,200).




The Banana Republic bag has the same style and shape as Tod's for almost a tenth of the cost. That's a great deal in my book.

The bag I really liked at Banana republic for myself was the Tangiers Large Hobo ($178). If you can't tell already, I'm really into leather bags, especially hobo bags. Good leather bags last longer and age really well, plus they can put up with the abuse I give my bags by stuffing them beyond capacity and flinging them into the car.

If I'm going to go for a canvas bag this summer, it's definitely going to be this one by Hayden-Harnett.

This is The "Montauk" Large Hobo ($138). That might seem like alot for canvas, but these bags are built to last. I like how it has pockets on the outside, these would be perfect to hold sippy cups if I'm going on an outing that doesn't require a packed with everything diaper bag. Sometimes all I need to take for the kids are an extra pull-up/diaper, wipes, and a sippy cup, especially as they are getting older. The Montauk comes in blue, white, and yellow, but I personally like the yellow the best. If you're interested in buying a Hayden-Harnett bag, I found a coupon code on The Purse Blog for 15% off. Just enter (BPT2532) during checkout and you're set.

Hot Mama Gwen Carries the Fendi Spy

[source]

Chic mommy-to-be Gwen Stefani, who I think has got to be the cutest and best dressed pregnant lady I have ever seen, is carrying more than just her little bambino. She's also carrying one of the most coveted Fendi bags, the Fendi Spy. My mom and I tried really hard to hate this bag, calling it the "bag with the big tongue hanging out" or "impractical" for our needs. What we were really trying to do is convince ourselves not to want it. At over $2,000 retail, this is not the bag you buy on a casual trip to the mall (unless you're loaded). However, the more I see this bag carried by celebrities, the more I realize it I'd really like one for myself.

Fendi Lambskin Spy Satchel, available at Neiman Marcus, $2,075.

Posh is Playing Trick or Treat....Again

Posh continues to mystify us all with her quirky sense of style. I just can't figure out this latest photo of her and Becks standing on a beach in Saint-Tropez. As someone from People magazine put it, they were clearly there to be seen. Posh and Becks really have got to get over themselves. I don't think Becks is that attractive anymore, and I wish he would hike up his trunks before they fall off. And Posh, where do I even begin? Saggy boobies, unattractive top, they didn't need to hire the sitter for this publicity romp.

"Look at us, we are FABULOUS!" [Source]

This bizarre appearance was just a follow-up to her ludicrous behaviour last week. Here's Posh, atop a ski resort, prancing around in a black camisole tank and skiing under the influence.

"Give me that wine!"

"Guzzle, guzzle, guzzle"

Posh is the only one not feeling cold. Must be the wine. How else can you not feel cold when you're only wearing a little black bra and cami in the snow?

It gets better, after kicking back that wine, she plans to ski with her son.

Finally, someone tells her she should probably wear a jacket. Must have been her son, he looks smarter than his mommy. [Source]

I grew up in Upstate New York where it snowed all the time, so naturally, I became part of a ski club during the winter months. I started in fourth grade and by the time I was in high school, I was an expert skier. We went to this place called Greek Peak, where all the ski slopes were named after figures and places in Greek mythology. At Greek Peak, it was illegal to ski under the influence of alcohol but some idiotic teenagers still used to smuggle it in, drink in the woods, and then go skiing. They all learned their lesson when some drunk moron skied straight into a snow making machine and died. Other drunks skied into trees and got badly injured. Bad things happen when you mix alcohol and skiing, I'm not sure what Posh is doing here is safe, especially with a little child around. But she's Posh, the quintessential plastic doll, and she's not like us mere mortals.

Christina's New Pepsi Commerical

My sister just sent me this link to Christina Aguilera's new Pepsi commerical. The commerical was a duo collaboration with Lebanese singer Elissa. Apparently half the world has already seen it on their TV's, it hasn't aired in America yet (I'm not sure if there are plans to air it here). Lucky for us, we have You Tube. Christina looks like her typical self in the commercial, but Elissa is the one who really shines. I wonder if there is at least one Arab song that doesn't use the word "Habibi" at least three times? Probably not. It's probably the same reason no American song can be sung without saying the word "baby".

Katie's Fake Bump

There's a show on Discovery Health Channel called "Birth Day". It shows real pregnant women giving birth to real babies. I wonder if Katie Holmes could do us all the honor of appearing on this show? Then she could finally put to rest all the rumours that her belly is actually a pillow. Judging from the photos of her that have surfaced in the past two days, I'm still not convinced she's actually pregnant.

Here's a picture of Katie yesterday. That clearly looks like a pillow. Standard size. Plus she shoved it up too high, her flat abs below are giving away the whole sham (pun intended). Photo source: Just Jared.

Here's a picture of Katie a couple days ago, with a very unusual bump. She really screwed up the pillow arrangment today. I have never seen a pregnant lady with a bump that was perpendicular to the floor.

Trent, from Pink is the New Blog, had the best explanation of why her bump looked so wrong this day. She stuffed a basketball under her shirt.

Micro...derma...what????

I went to Costco this weekend with the husband and the kids to buy a vat of laundry detergent and liquid hand soap. We go through these two items like water. While we were loading up on these things plus other hard to store junk, I spotted the Olay Regenerist Microdermabrasion and Peel System for $38. I really wanted to get this because I had heard so much about it in Allure magazine. I've been lucky to have nice skin most of my life, and all this time I've been getting by with simply washing my face with Purpose soap and moisturizing with Cetaphil. Occasionally I use Borghese's Fango mask or Neutrogena Clear Pore for occasional breakouts, but my skincare regimen is usually just soap and water.

However, I've noticed that after I hit 30 and had three kids, my face is starting to lose it's suppleness and shine. It's become dull and uneven in tone too. Olay's Microdermabrasion and Peel system is supposed to fix all that and I told my husband I have to buy this, I need it.

Husband: "This cream costs almost $40, what does it do?"

Me: "It's a microdermabrasion system and it will help exfoliate and renew my face."

Husband: "Microderma..what? I can't even pronounce this. You're face looks fine, you don't need this."

Me: "Yes I do. Look, look at my blemish here, and this zit here."

Husband: "I don't see anything, you look fine, you don't need a face lift. If you looked like you needed a face lift I would buy it for you, but you don't and this is a waste of money."

Me: "This is not a face lift! This is Microdermabrasion. Don't you see my zit here, and this rough patch over here....?."

And then I stopped myself. Why am I pointing out all my flaws if he can't see them? Do I really want him to start noticing every blemish on my face like I do in my 3X magnification mirror in my bathroom?

Husband: "I don't see anything wrong with your face. Let's go now, we have to get paper towels."

Me: "Okay." I put the kit back and looked at it longfully as I left.

When I got home, I looked up reviews on the internet about Olay Regenerist. Not one bad review so far. Everyone seems amazed with the results. Plus, I found out that they are selling the kit for only $26.95 at Amazon.com. My husband thinks I'm crazy and is convinced I have some form of body dysmorphia, but I disagree. Every other woman in her thirties is trying this kit so why not me? The husband has no idea how hard women need to work to look fabulous, especially after thirty when the hormones start going crazy and metabolism slows down and kids start sucking the energy out of you. I know for me personally, I don't spend time waxing, plucking, and exfoliating for him, it's for me, so I feel good about myself. I don't like to have to rely on makeup to cover flaws, I prefer to focus on skincare so there is less to cover and conceal. I'm still eyeing this kit, but I decided to schedule an appointment with a dermatologist first just to see if there isn't another solution to my lackluster skin.

Mariah is a Size 4????

According to an article I recently read, Mariah Carey has been working out and and is down to a size 4. In fact, she was a size 4 during that infamous video shoot for Say Somethin'. She looked so "hot" during that shoot that Marc Jacobs, creative director for Louis Vuitton, wants Mariah to model for the company. Marc Jacobs provided the wardrobe for the video shoot as well, and ran into trouble overestimating Mariah's clothing size.

"Her new figure created a wardrobe headache at the video shoot. A source
said: 'Marc Jacobs brought clothes in a US size 6, but they were all too big, so
stylists had to find garments in a size 4.'" Source

I don't believe it. Look at her in this photo, does she look like a size 4 to you? I know the camera adds 10 pounds, but still. I think she looks more like an 8.