Monday, July 31, 2006

Good Morning Gorgeous!



It's so sad. The more paparazzi pics I see, the more I feel sorry for these celebs. They can't even put kiwi fruit on their eyes and bathe in the sun without someone taking a picture of it. Fame sure is a bitch.

Without clicking on the pic, can you guess who this is? (If you're really stumped, go ahead, click on the pic, and read the name at the end of the url).

Friday, July 28, 2006

Journey to the Past

Once upon a time, back in the 1980's, the videos were cheesy, the hair and makeup was even cheesier, headbanging was considered a form of dance, and the clothes were....a huge fashion nightmare. But I was content with the way things were, no matter how fugly they might seem today, and I LOVED Steve Perry from Journey. My friends and I used to get together and watch this video over and over again. We recorded it on our VCR from MTV. (Yes, this was the era where the only thing you could do on a home computer, which was most likely an Apple IIc or a Commodore 64, was play "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?". )

But back to Journey. Almost 20 years later, I still love this song, Separate Ways, but upon recent viewing of this video, I realized this video is actually freakin' hilarious! We used to think the only funny part of this video was the woman in the black leather miniskirt and white pumps walking around like a hooker, but no, even my teen idol Steve Perry looks funny in his muscle shirt. And they are playing keyboard on the wall, and playing drums on giant garbage drums. And even the expressions on their faces are cheesy..... but I still love them. Journey was my all-time favorite band from the 80's, so I invite you to enjoy this blast from the past with me by clicking on the video below. (This is where I get my virtual cigarette lighter out and turn on the flame.)


LINK TO CHEESY 80'S VIDEO

(sorry guys, the embeddable player was slowing down the page load)

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Parminder Models Her Drapes


It's funny, I saw this picture last night on a Parminder message board (I like her, I really,really like her) and was going to post a catty blog about her dress, but blogger was giving me issues and I got sidelined with a kid emergency, so didn't get around to posting it until now. Well, the Go Fug Yourself girls got to it before me, (not that I'm competing with them or anything, their blog is like, THE BEST) but clearly they were thinking the same thing I was, Parminder used upholstery material for her dress. This material would have made a great couch or drapery, most likely in the 70's, but I don't think it was ever meant to be a dress. It's a shame, because she is a pretty girl, (even though she needs to eat more) and I really liked the style of this Diane Von Furstenburg-ish wrap dress, but the material, OMG! It looks like it came from the upholstry store.....or her window treatments at home.

Mirror Mirror On the Wall, Who's the Skinniest of Them All?

Here's a little experiment. Take two normal looking British actresses, plant them in Hollywood, and watch how quickly they start looking like skin and bones.








Oh yeah, Parminder is catching up with Keira real fast. Food is your friend girls, FOOD IS YOUR FRIEND.

The Curse of Bipasha Basu

Damn, I post two giant pics of Bipasha Basu, and my blog shuts down. Was she too hot to handle for blogger? I was trying to figure out since yesterday why my page wouldn't load, and lo and behold, it was the giant size pics of Bipasha! I made the images smaller so now the page is loading, but, damn. As if I wasn't jealous of her already, now I'm even more jealous of her. Her image has the power to overload blogger!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

One Woman's Trash.....

Someone in my neighborhood is really desperate for ants. Last Sunday, I threw away my kids' travel sofa/beds. The girls have matching Dora ones, like the one at the right and my son has one with an Elmo theme on it. Problem was, while they were great for traveling and trips to Grandma's house, when they were in the home, the kids abused them and ate junk like cookies and candy on them. Sunday morning I discovered one of the sofa beds had attracted ants into the home so I decided to throw all of them out. I'm lazy like that, rather than clean it, I figured I had already gotten the full use out of them (they've grown out of them for sleeping purposes anyway) so I chucked all three of them out, and left them on the curb for the garbage people to take away Monday morning. Then we went back into the house to vacuum and kill the ants with Raid.

The house started smelling really bad from the Raid, so we decided to go to the mall for a while so the smell could dissipate and the ants could realize the party was over. When we pulled out of the driveway, we realized, THE BEDS WERE GONE! In such a short time, someone took all three of them away! I don't know who could've been so desperate for these, they had ants in them after all, and they were used, why would someone want someone's used, drool-infested foam cushion toys for their own kids? It's not like we live in a neighborhood where the people are desperate for free toys, which is why I'm wondering who would do this.

I'm thinking either someone tried to get free inventory to sell on Ebay, or they are willing to take a huge risk by bringing home someone else's used kiddie bed. However, now that I know people do this kind of thing in my neighborhood, I'll put a sign on the toys next time explaining the reason why this item is out on the curb, so they can decide if they really want to take it home with them. Now that the beds are gone and we did the Raid treatment, the ants are gone, but whoever took those beds is definitely going to get ants in their home.

Monday, July 24, 2006

OMG! Bipasha Basu Cut Her Hair!




And almost overnight, she has transformed into a Mom.






A mom who dresses like Lynne Spears, but still, a Mom.



Okay, ya'll know I can't ignore what's more shocking in this photo than her haircut (which I'll admit, is not that bad and *shudder* I actually had this haircut a couple of years ago). No, the big elephant in this picture is her outfit. What in the world? Jeans with holes? Near your cooch? Bipasha, you're freakin' 32 years old, it's time to stop wearing jeans with holes. And that tank top.... too tight, and too white. Please girl, you don't always have to dress like you're about to film the rain scene in your next movie.



photo source: nowrunning.com

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Brad Pitt Struggles with Gas


In a recent interview with Anne Curry, Brad Pitt said his biggest sense of accomplishment comes not from making movies, but rather, from getting a burp out of that "little thing" known as his daughter, Shiloh. I can so relate with this one. Burping babies is harder than installing their car seat. I'm soooo glad my kids are old enough to burp themselves now.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

And the Disasters Continue.......

Yesterday, I forgot to put away the clean, folded, laundry immediately after I folded it. So the kids decided to take it out of the basket, and throw it over the balcony in the hallway





down to the already cluttered family room floor.





(This, by the way, is what my family room looks like everyday. Toys all over the place, cushions taken off the couch so the kids can jump and "dive" on to them. It doesn't help that it's 105 degrees outside and we're stuck in the house. The kids need to play somehow so this is what they do. I'm not bothered by this as much as my "neat freak" husband. He walks home to this mess, hoping in vain that maybe today will be the day he will come home to a clean house, but this is what he gets. He ends up cleaning it up himself, all the while bitching and moaning about how messy we are and how I'm treating our home like a frat house. I say, bite me. He's lucky the house is still standing by the time he gets home. I'm four years into this gig as a housewife and SAHM and still nowhere near becoming a domestic diva. If there was some Olympic event for housewives, I'd definitely come in last place. Now on to the rest of my story.)

I wish I had a picture to share with you of what this cluttered room looked like, scattered with CLEAN clothes I had just folded the night before and procrastinated putting away, but I was furiously mad at the kids and made them pick up all the clothes off the floor and take them back upstairs. I didn't have time to supervise the task, because I was doing dishes, so I assumed everything was going well when I saw a child come into the family room and disappear with an article of clothing. Later on, I found out, they had picked up all the clean clothes off the floor and dumped them on the floor of the laundry room next door, along with the pile of DIRTY clothes I needed to wash. So the clean clothes were mixed up with the dirty clothes. I couldn't remember which was which, so I had to wash the clean clothes, AGAIN.

Now, on to a rant about my cell phone. What is it about my cell phone that the kids just can't seem to get enough of? When they were born, I would amuse them with the lights and sounds on it. Later on, when they were crawling, they turned it into a teether. It short circuited fast, and we tried to distract them by giving them toy cell phones or old non-working cell phones, but they know which ones are real and fake, and they only want to play with mine. In the past four years I've gone through NINE cell phones (most of them were short-circuited from saliva from constant teething. My sister still has teeth marks from when my kids used to teethe on her phone too.) And now I will be going on my 11th cell phone.

I've had my tenth and current phone, a black Motorola razor, for about 6 months, and it's been under constant assault. It wasn't enough fun for them to throw my phone behind the center of my bed's headboard (which was a bitch to retreive, I had to pull the bed away from the wall to even reach it.) Or when they lost the phone in the house while the phone was on "silent" mode. (Damn, I couldn't even call it to locate it, I had to actually turn the whole house upside down to find it.) Yesterday, MY PHONE WAS GIVEN A BATH with the water from their sippy cups. It won't even turn on now, it short circuited completely. I don't have insurance on this phone, so I think I will need to buy a new one.

I think their fascination with cell phones is right up there with the remote control and my glasses. I seriously don't know why I buy them any toys, they never play with them.

Oh, and to make matters worse, it's over 100 degrees outside again today, so what does one of my kids decide to do? Turn on the heating system. I was wondering why the A/C was not cooling the home, and when I checked our digital thermometer, I found out our heating system was on! They must have climbed onto the couch and played around with the buttons. It makes me wish we still had that old-fashioned little dial thermostat, but we upgraded to the newer easy-to-use technology when we had our defunct A/C system replaced last year.

Well, I'll be taking a long weekend from the blog, cleaning up all these disasters, and getting a new cell phone, so see ya'll Monday. Hope you all have a great weekend, and I hope I haven't scared anyone from having kids. They are a blessing, in disguise sometimes, but they are fun to have around, when they're not making a mess that is.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

How My Twins Drive Me Crazy, Part 1

What's worse than the terrible two's? Dealing with two terrible two girls. They're more destructive than my son ever was at this age.

1. They won't stop breaking my glasses.


Again.



And Again.


Since I bought my glasses last year, I've had them repaired five times and replaced with new frames twice (because they were so damaged they couldn't be repaired). I'm so glad I paid the extra fee to get them insured otherwise I'd be broke by now.

It's not like I leave them in plain sight of their devious little hands. I used to keep them in the eyeglasses case, and put that case inside my purse when I wasn't using them. They got inside my purse. I placed them on a shelf six feet high. They used step stools and chairs to get at them. Once they even dangerously climbed the book shelf to get them. I don't know what the fascination is. But now I have to be extra careful. My insurance has expired and I can't renew, so now, this is all I have or I have to pay full price next time they get broken. Now I place them in the eyeglasses case, and hide the case in a box inside my closet, on a shelf five feet off the floor. So far, so good. But I'm going to have to start changing the hiding spot around, they're keen.

2. They won't stop messing with my makeup drawer. And eating my lipsticks!


Featured ruined lipstick of the day, MAC "O"


I can't hide my makeup, there's just too much to hide, so I have to live with this perpetual disaster. I wouldn't mind if they played with the stuff I never use, but they always go for the good stuff. I've tried to block the drawer with a chair, so they won't be able to open it, but they use teamwork to move the chair and then use the chair to climb up and reach the top drawer of my dresser, where all my makeup lives. I still have a Caboodles I used in my college dorm, I'm thinking of safeguarding all my stuff there, but it'll be too much of a hassle. I think I'll get them their own makeup, the kind you find in the kiddie store that has "Just Like Mommy's Makeup" written on it. But I know what's gonna happen, they're still going to get into my stuff. Because there's nothing like mommy's makeup for my girls.

Possibilities for Lunch

Have you heard the jingle for Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup? It goes like this 'Campbell's...Chicken Noodle...Possibilities'. Well, my son thinks that is the name of the soup, possibilites. He only likes Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup, no other brand will do. (He recognizes the label.) He won't even eat the homestyle chicken noodle soup you find at cafes like Panera.

What I find amusing is how he makes his request for this soup. He'll say, "Mama, can I have possibilities?" or "Can you make possibilities?" or "Can I eat possibilities?" The first time he asked me this I understood him because I'm at home watching the same stuff he is on TV, but it threw my husband off when he was on lunch duty one weekend. I was out running an errand and when I came back my husband asked me "What's 'possiblilities'? R. keeps asking to eat it." Now he's been made aware, and thanks to the power of advertising on children's television, (which I feel only further complicates raising my kids because they want EVERYTHING), I am forced to buy only this brand of soup for my son. I need to shut off the tv.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Lindsay Lohan is the New Poster Girl for Proactiv



In the past, I've accused Lindsay of wearing bad makeup, but I never thought she had bad skin. I don't know why the makers of Proactiv Solution thought Lindsay would make a good spokesperson for their product, her skin looks fine. She hardly has the kind of cystic acne this product is so famous for treating. And after I saw her COMMERCIAL on YouTube, I'm further convinced. The acne she's talking about is TWO zits on her chin. Please. There are other celebrities out there with more serious cases of acne than Lindsay Lohan.

I think Cameron Diaz would've been a better choice to endorse Proactiv .

This actress has been struggling for years with acne and yet continues to rely only on makeup to cover it up.


Here Cameron has used makeup to conceal her acne. But if she used Proactive, this could be her real skin. Proactive should so pay me for doing the "Before/After" work in advance for them. Where's that check Guthy-Renker?

Pamela Anderson Stars in "Attack of the Nips"


I know it's hard to believe, but she's actually wearing a bra under this shirt. One of those sheer bras that let the world know how badly your plastic surgeon messed up the placement of your nips. Those nips are, like, pointing straight up at the sky.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

K-Fed Gets a Job


Britney's lazy ass husband has finally found a job. He attends parties for money. So basically, he's a party whore. Have party, pay money, K-Fed will be there ya'll. For nothing less than $20,000 a pop. Wow, I wonder if he makes balloon animals too?

Kate Hudson to Write a Book for New Moms

Kate Hudson is planning to write a book for new moms, and will focus on addressing those self loathing "I feel like a fat cow!" post-partum feelings that plague many new mothers.

“Part of that is the way your body feels, not necessarily how it looks —
especially after you’ve gained 70 pounds,” Hudson says, reports the London Sun.
“I was depressed. I was the happiest, jolliest pregnant woman, then I had the
baby and then I was just fat. ... I didn’t lose any weight delivering. You’re
breastfeeding and you’re starving and looking at yourself in the mirror going:
‘I don’t feel good about myself.’ That is not a good feeling for any
woman.”

Please. Why would anyone want to buy a book to read about how much new moms hate their bodies when there are, like, ten gazillion free blogs about it on the internet? I guess the big sell is that it's Kate Hudson talking about how fat she feels and not some anonymous mom in Suburbia, U.S.A.

Baby Exchange

Two years after my son received two sisters at once, he seems to have become bored with them. Today we were watching a Gerber baby commercial that came on in the middle of his Power Rangers show, and I said to him "Aww, look at that baby, it's so cute."

He replies with, "I know. Let's return these two babies (meaning his sisters) and go get that baby."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I told him, "But these are your sisters you can't return them, they will cry. Don't you love them?"

And he says, "Yes, but we can return them at the baby hospital and go get a new baby," followed by, "just one baby, not two."

I think he's feeling a little outnumbered by them, ya think?

I told him, "Sorry, but we can't do that. You're sisters are here to stay."

The girls didn't understand the conversation, but I'm sure if they did they would've tackled him. However, I found it amusing that he still thinks of the hospital as some kind of "store" for babies.

Bizarre Nekkid Britney Photos

I'm so excited ya'll. I never thought I'd get all nekkid for a magazine, you know, I really just want to live a private life and be left alone by the media. But, like the photographer said he'd made me look real perty with Photoshop, so I was like, "Sure!", and like here I am on the cover of Harper's Bazaar. Ya'll ain't ready for these pics, I look so HOT!


This one is so Photoshopped. Ya'll know my body is not this tan, or slick. But I look HOT, don't I?

(Exhibit A: Britney frolicking in Miami, a short time before the Bazaar photoshoot.)




This one is especially for my Manny Perry. I gave him a framed copy of this one.


Peek-a-boo, I'm still here.




This is where I pretend to be Demi Moore. Isn't the Photoshop great?



Here, I'm finally wearing clothes, and it's the baby's turn to be nekkid.



Jokes aside, I do think Britney looks really pretty in these photos. Poor girl has been picked on alot in the press lately, I think this shoot is just what she needed to remind herself (and that freeloader K-Fed) that Brit still has it in her to make a comeback.

photo source

Friday, July 14, 2006

Steal Nelly's Look


I have this insane ability to duplicate a makeup look simply by looking at the picture. I know there are better skills to have in this world, but this is mine.

So here's how you can duplicate the look Nelly Furtado sported at the David Letterman Show recently. She's totally rocking the navy eyeliner, alot of us don't use this color as much as we should, it really adds a nice zing to your eyemakeup, especially if your getting dolled up to go somewhere special.

EYES
-MAC Bliss eyeshadow on lids, MAC Sketch in crease
-Elizabeth Arden Smoky Eyes Powder Eyeliner in Midnight (I've used this myself, it's the best, another option is Prescriptives Soft Lining pencil in Blue Black)
Line the upper and lower lash line with the navy eye pencil, including the inner rims of the lash line, and then squeeze your eyes shut to get color all smudgy.
-Black Mascara on the top lashes only (pick your favorite, but I'm really liking Maybelline Lash Stylist these days)

CHEEKS
-MAC blush in Blush Baby

LIPS
-MAC lipstick in Pink Apertif
-MAC lipliner in Plum (line and fill in the lips with this color)
-MAC lipgloss in Viva Glam V (dab on the center of lower lip, then press lips together)

This lipstick combination is my new favorite by the way. You desi girls out there should really try this.

UPDATE: I've realized there are alot of women of color out there, especially desi women, who are looking for a foundation that works with olive skin tone. Look no further than Vasanti Cosmetics for foundation and concealor. I actually met the founders of this line, Monal, Pinki, and Priti Patel at a South Asian Bridal Expo in New Jersey, and they are the nicest people I've ever met. And they know makeup. I remember Monal telling me she used to work for MAC before she decided to create her own line.

For concealors, click HERE
Most women who wear Vasanti foundation shade V3 or higher use O2 concealor.

For the foundation, click HERE

I actually did this look on myself a while ago and was lucky to have a picture taken.

I've attached it at the right so you can get an idea of what the makeup looks like on me.

Oops! You missed it. Image removed.


Btw, I use Vasanti Face Base in V3 and Wonders of the World Concealor in O2.

Headbutt Frenzy



It was the headbutt seen around the world, and thanks to replay action, it was seen over and over again. At first I thought, How could Zidane lose it? but after reading that he was provoked by a whole bunch of 'yo mamas' and 'yo sistas', I now believe Materazzi had it coming. Actually, a violent reaction leading to disqualification was exactly what Materazzi wanted, because there was no way in hell France could have lost if Zizou was on the team. But Zidane couldn't take it anymore and hence, the headbutt was unleashed. Grrr, I don't like Materazzi. How dare that slimy punk mess around with the Hotness that is Zizou?




There have been various theories floating around the net as to what was actually said to Zinedine Zidane to make him headbutt Materazzi at the World Cup finale. Originally, it was thought Zidane was called a "dirty terrorist" and there are some theories that say there was even some nipple tweaking involved. But one thing most people can agree on was that the insult was directed at Zidane's mother and sister, which Zidane admitted himself this week and couldn't tolerate. Zidane didn't reveal exactly what the insult was, perhaps because it was too dirty to repeat, but the good news is Materazzi is going to have his day in a hearing before a FIFA comittee about it.

But the controversy seems to be fueling alot of comedy on the internet.

Here's a fun link about how the headbutt was seen by different people.

And how the Headbutt is the new way to solve problems.

Oh, and lest I forget, there is a fun Headbutt video game you can play on your computer. The game is preloaded on the link, so just point your mouse and headbutt as many Italian players as you can. Go ahead. Try it. It's a great game to play if you want to kill some time, or get virtual vengeance on Materazzi.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

What's Happened to Katie Holmes?



Katie, honey, you look like shit. What happened to you? You used to be so put together and now....you just look like shit. Don't tell me it's the baby keeping you up at night because we all know she isn't real. What is it hon, too many late nights partying at the Celebrity Scientology Center? What do you guys do over there anyway? Do you all jump on couches? Do you throw darts at pictures of Sigmund Freud? Do you have wild parties wearing those Eyes Wide Shut masks? Come on, Katie tell us what's really going on with you, we've just got to know. Your silence is killing us.

Pink's New Look



Boots, fishnets, and a ballerina tutu? I don't know, I think I much preferred Pink with hot pink hair and biker chick clothes. This new look is just a Pinky Dinky Don't.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Self-Esteem Boost of the Day



Underneath all this Loreal makeup




She's really looks like this



Now don't you feel better about the way you look today?





Photo Source: DListed

Monday, July 10, 2006

It's a Miracle I Survived

I overheard my mother talking on the phone to her sister in law one day about how much their children (meaning me and my 36 year old cousin) have complicated raising children. "It was easier when we were raising kids, there were less rules," said my mom. She's right, and in that ignorance there was bliss. They didn't know back then in the 70's that giving honey to infants can cause botulism or that giving a one year old more than 6 bottles of cow's milk a day can cause intestinal bleeding and anemia. They also didn't care much for infant car seats. My dad said that car seats were just coming out in America in the 70's, but it wasn't mandatory to use them. The babies used to ride on their mother's laps and the older toddlers were just buckled in the backseat with regular seat belts. (I think, actually, in many Third World countries, this practice is still the norm.)

I remember it was a constant source of tension between me and my mom when I brought my firstborn son home from the hospital. She would tell me to do things a certain way, because that's what she did with me and I turned out "fine", but I would immediately have to tell her that we couldn't because the pediatrician says that's not safe anymore.

Amongst these things were:


  1. Feeding honey to the newborn baby. In our culture, there is a Muslim baby ritual where the Adhan is said in both of the baby's ears to make the baby a Muslim (it's almost like a Baptism, in a way) and then after that, a small amount of honey is placed on the baby's tongue. I don't quite understand where the honey part came from, but from what I have read, it is believed that this practice gets a baby's taste buds going and will encourage a baby to nurse more easily. My babies got the Adhan in their ears, but we passed on giving the honey because we didn't want to risk botulism. My mom insists there's nothing wrong with honey, and I have to admit I myself used to dunk my brother's pacifier in honey before sticking it in his mouth when he was a wee 4 months old, but just because we all managed to survive didn't mean the risk was not there. In fact, now every jar of honey has a warning written on it not to give it to infants under age 1, because it might cause a fatal attack of botulism.
  2. Dousing a baby's bottom with Baby Powder containing talc (or otherwise known as Talcum Powder). Talc has been linked to causing ovarian cancer in baby girls. We're not supposed to use this in the diaper area anymore, not even on baby boys. And it doesn't really help keep a baby dry anyway, it just cakes up when wet and becomes a giant mess. Although Baby Powder is now made without talc, it's use is still not required unless you have a baby that sweats alot, in that case some powder rubbed between your hands first and then applied on the baby's body helps make a baby more comfortable. But be careful not to shake the powder on the baby, the powder can fly up into the baby's tiny nostrils and cause it to stop breathing. I got a whole bunch of Baby Powders when the kids were born but I never use them on the babies. I use it on myself before I wax my legs instead, the powder is good for helping wax grab all the hair. But I hope I don't get cancer, because my mom used Baby Powder heavily on all of us.
  3. St. Joseph's Baby Aspirin for fevers and general health. Now, it has been revealed this can cause Reye's Syndrome in children and has been taken off the market in the US. But I used to eat this like candy when I was little. Remember those orange chewables that were supposed to be "good for you"? We're lucky we didn't die.
  4. Feeding solids starting at age 8 weeks. My mother decided after two days of nursing that it was not for her, and switched me to formula. Back then the doctors mistakenly told women that formula was actually better than breastmilk and there was little support for women who wanted to try nursing. But I was only on formula for two months before I was switched to regular cow's milk and started eating cereals, soft boiled egg yolks, puddings, and anything else that could be made in a blender. My friend's mother recently revealed that they used to make their own formula for one of their daughers who was allergic to cow's milk by using karo syrup and goat milk. We all managed to survive and grow up healthy. But now, pediatricians recommend that women breastfeed or give formula with iron for one year and not start solids before four months because before that, the baby's digestive system is not capable of handling foods other than milk. It's a miracle my stomach didn't explode.
  5. Giving a baby a bottle while lying down in the crib and/or putting it on self-feed mode with the bottle propped on the pillow. It's scary that some parents still do this, I saw it happen at a dinner party once. The mother was busy setting the food on the table and her 7 week old son was hungry. She put him in his infant car seat, put a few receiving blankets under his chin, place the bottle on it and set the kid on auto feed. Poor guy couldn't even hold his bottle and get his mouth on the nipple (he hadn't discovered his hands yet) so I offered to feed her baby for her and the mother insisted "No, he's a big boy he can manage himself" but the kid was clearly not doing too well, so I told her it was no problem and helped him drink his bottle. And then burp him. I was nine months pregnant with the twins at the time, and my son was busy playing with friends so I had the time to feed her child, but I find this self-feeding thing to be very cruel. My mom did it a couple of times with my kids when I left them with her and I'd come back to see the baby with a pillow on her chest gulping in huge amounts of air while trying to maintain a hold on the bottle nipple. It wasn't right. This was the main reason I ended breastfeeding the twins as long as I did (two years) because I couldn't bear to put one on auto feed or have her scream in hunger while I nursed the other. I actually nursed them both at the same time. I think you truly haven't understood the full potential of your rack until you've breastfed two babies at once. (Okay, now that I gave you that uncalled for visual, you can throw up now.)

The good thing is my mom didn't push any of her old school ways on me and how I raised my children. She understood times have changed, and took the extra effort to learn the new rules of childcare, but still sometimes has difficulty understanding why something was okay back in the 70's and is not okay now. She still goes back to citing that "If it was so bad, how come you turned out okay?" I'm not so sure if I turned out okay. I think most of my anemia is a result of not getting enough iron and drinking too much cow's milk since age 2 months, and I've still got tons of baby fat from being fed the Breakfast of Champions when I couldn't even roll over on to my tummy to throw it up. "Well," my mom said to me one day, "at least I didn't give you opium to make you go to sleep. Your great-grandmother did that to me and your grandmother, and her mother did that to her before her. They knew just the right amount to give to a baby without killing it." I did some research on the use of opium on infants in the sub-continent and found that in India/Pakistan, opium was the ultimate cure all drug for all baby fussiness, gas, colic, and excessive crying. They would literally put a single poppy seed on the baby's tongue and immediately put the baby to the breast so the baby would drink the opium down with breastmilk. By the time my parents grew up as children in the 50's, the research came out that opium was a lethal drug and use of opium for any reason other than medicinal became banned in Pakistan and India. Wow. My mother was doped as an infant, I always thought it was a miracle I survived, but it's a miracle she survived too.

Isabella Fiore Handbag Sale at ADASA.COM




It is said that good things come to those who wait, and I've been waiting forever for this sale. Finally, all of the hottest Isabella Fiore handbags from last season are on clearance at ADASA.COM. If you've been reading my blog for a while you'll know that I'm a HUGE fan of Isabella Fiore handbags. These are the "Where did you get that bag?" bags. The ones so unique and crafted with so much detail and high quality materials, it's difficult to even a find a Chinatown copy.

I've had my eye on this Stud Muffin bag since it's debut in January, and now it's $200 off. The added bonus of buying through ADASA, as opposed to Neiman's, is that there is no sales tax and FREE 2-day shipping on all U.S. orders. Husband, are you reading this? $200 off, no tax, free shipping....I'll be using the Amex to pay for this bag. I'm just letting you know in advance. You know, so you won't freak out when you open the credit card statement.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Finally, US Weekly Asks the Big Question

I can't believe it took US Weekly this long to question the existance of Suri. The bloggerazzi have known all along there's something shady going on with these two freaks. Come on let's come up with some conspiracy theories, if she's not a pillow sham, where IS baby Suri?

I'll start. I think she is being raised inside some bubble in the Scientology Center, the way Natasha Henstridge was in the movie Species. She's going to go through rapid growth and terrorize everyone in LA within one year. Then she will eat Tom Cruise.

Now, you next. What's your theory?

Friday, July 07, 2006

The Beckhams Wear Prada


Before Becks played the crying game in Germany, he descended at the airport with his family of five looking like the most adorable dream husband and father. It looks like the new family diaper bag is a Prada.





Deep down inside, he's just a family man. Too cute! (photo source: Purseblog.com)




Here's a shot of Posh using the family bag as her own purse. This bag is not yet available in stores, but is from Prada's Fall 2006 collection. Yes, there is already a waiting list.

Crying like Beckham



Awww Becks, please don't cry. I was only kidding when I was making fun of Posh. I didn't really mean it. Really, I didn't.

And Now for a Little Husband Torture

Yesterday I sent my husband a text message that had a list of things I needed him to pick up on his way home. Within that list was maxi pads, but I specified for him which kind by writing "Always Ultra Plus". (Note to Reader: If you feel you might be offended by talk of maxi pads and words like "wings" and "maximum protection", just stop reading now and click out. Yes.....I'm about to go there..... now.)

My husband and I have been married for eight years and to this day, this one little task has him breaking out in sweats. It's that "Please, I'll do anything but that!" kind of sweat. I normally buy my pads myself and try to buy several packs at once to avoid having to buy them for a couple months, but every once in a while, I'll run out of them and need some when I absolutely have no time to get to the store, with all the kids in tow.

So after I sent him the text message, I get a call back from him. I knew it was coming. He said he's fine with the requests for eggs and paper towels, but why maxi pads? We had gone to the grocery store as a family just the night before, why didn't I get them then? The answer, of course, was because I forgot. Sorry, but I really needed them. Today.

So later on yesterday at around 5:30 pm, while I was trying to update my blog and give August Sunshine something better to look at than a picture of Lindsay the Clown Whore, I get a call from the husband.

Him: "Um, yeah, I'm here at Walgreens and they don't have Always Ultra Plus."

Me: "What do you mean? They always have Always Ultra Plus."

Him: "No, they only have Always Fresh Maxi. I even asked the lady that works here where to find Always Ultra Plus, and she said this is all they have. So I'm getting you the Fresh Maxi."

Me: "No wait! Does it have wings? Is it the Super or Regular? I need Super with wings."

Him: (sighing in frustration) "Why didn't you just get these yesterday, I hate buying this stuff!"

Me: "I know, I forgot, but look at the shelf, do you see a little green package?"

Him: "They're all blue, no wait.....there's a green package that says Always Ultra Thin."

Me: "Yes! That's the one I want. Does it have wings and a picture of a diamond on it?"

Him: (Without him uttering a word, I can hear him thinking OMG!) "What?! No, it just says Ultra Thin, I don't know if it has wings. There's too many kinds of pads here, (he starts reading what he sees to me) Regular, Overnight, Maximum Protection, Lightdays.......I don't know what you want."

(By this time, I can totally see him getting confused and frustrated in front of the myriad display of feminine hygiene products. The fun was over, now I had to help him get out of there before he passed out.)

Me: "Look, what I really need is an Always package that says "Super" and "Wings" on it."

Him: (after a pause) "I found it, but it says "Flexi-Wings" is that okay?"

Me: "Yes."

Him: "And it's a blue package, is that okay?"

Me: "Yes."

Him: "Okay. I'm coming home now."

And that was the end of the conversation. He ended up bringing me a decent box of pads, Always Super with Flexi-Wings. I prefer the Ultra Thin kind, and I'm sure it was there in the store, but I felt bad for the guy and didn't want to torture him anymore. But I must say, if you ever want to test your man's loyalty towards you, this is the way to do it. Make him buy pads for you. When a man is willing to overcome his greatest fear and buy you maxi pads, that's love.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Aishwarya Beige a Bust, Don't Even Bother With It

"Sshh, don't tell. I'm not really wearing Aishwarya Beige."



When my husband went to the French Riviera for his business trip, he managed to locate for me two very coveted lipsticks I had asked him to find for me, the Loreal Star Secrets lipsticks. The only colors I wanted were Aishwarya Beige and Eva Toffee because I thought those shades would suit my tan/olive skin the best. He found them in the Sephora store in Nice. I find it so odd, here in America, Loreal is sold in drugstores like Walgreens, and in France it's sold in Sephora.

So I tried on the Aishwarya Beige lipstick first. What a disappointment. This color is a very sheer beige brown and is an exact copy of Bobbi Brown's Cocoa lipstick, right down to the waxy feel and the Pond's cold cream taste. Aishwarya Beige is actually more sheer than the Bobbi Brown lipstick. It does absolutely nothing for my skin color, which is exactly like Aishwarya Rai's in the photo above. This photo is a publicity still for the actual Aishwarya Beige lipstick, but that is NOT how the color appears when you wear it. I don't know what Aishwarya is really wearing in this photo, but it ain't Aishwarya Beige. Aishwarya Beige totally washed me out, I actually had more pigment in my lips and looked better before I swiped this crappy shade on. If your skin color is like Aish's or darker, don't bother with this shade. You must be very fair for this color to even show up on your skin. But honestly, I don't see this shade flattering anyone.



Now on to Eva Toffee, another disappointment. This lipstick is nowhere as red as it appears in the advertisement. It is actually a so-so color that looks more like a bad copy of Smashbox's Demure lipstick. Actually that's an insult to the Smashbox lipstick, the Smashbox version is much higher in quality and has a little sheen to it to brighten up your face. Eva Toffee is just a basic red brown, nothing special. If you have tan/olive toned skin and are looking for a flattering red that will make you look like Eva Longoria in this photo, pick MAC "O" lipstick instead. Or top your favorite red lipstick or MAC Mahogany lipliner with MAC lipgloss in Oh Baby, you will get same, if not better, results.


Oh, and bad news, well...actually good news, for those of us that live in the United States. Loreal has no plans to release the Star Secrets line here, it's only for European countries. But don't worry, from what I've previewed from this line, you are not missing anything in terms of color or quality. There are much better lipsticks in our stores already.

Bend It Like Zidane

Sometimes it pays to watch a little bit of sports with your husband, even if you don't understand how the game is played or who's winning. I don't know how 34 year-old French footballer Zinedine Zidane fell under my Hotness Radar, but now that he's been brought to my attention, inadvertently by my husband no less, he's on it now.





He's a little chiseled, but I think he's better than Becks.





Zidane in action.





Zidane in his cute FIFA suit.





With his wife, Veronique. Sorry ladies (and gents) you didn't think this one was still single did you?

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Lindsay's Awful Clown Make-Up



When I was younger, I watched this horrible B-grade horror flick called Killer Klowns from Outer Space. I couldn't sleep for a few nights because I was so terrified one of those clowns was actually going to show up and turn me into cotton candy and eat me. When I saw this picture of L. Lo dressed up like a clown on crack, that scary feeling came rushing back to me. [Source]

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

The Mehndhi from Hell

Last Friday, the night before my husband was coming to pick us up from my parent's house, we were invited to a South Asian wedding party. Friday night was the Mehndhi, which is actually like a pre-wedding party where the bride applies henna to her hands and there's alot of dancing, singing, eating, the whole shebang. But this mehndhi was a dud from the minute we arrived. I will forever remember this mehndhi as the "The Mehndhi from Hell."

The invitation said, 'Please arrive at 6:00 pm SHARP, Ladies and Children Only'. Yeah right, I thought, who the hell arrives on time for a wedding party hosted by South Asians? But my Mom insisted the bride's mother (the organizer of the event) had requested everyone to be there on time. Why ladies only? I thought maybe the family was being super religious, but no, they just wanted to save money on the headcount with the caterer, so they thought if only the ladies and children were invited (kids eat free) they would save a few bucks. This was only the beginning of their cheapness.

My Mom and I managed to get ourselves and the kids ready by 6:45 pm and my Dad dropped us all off at their house by 7:00 pm. It had been raining in Upstate NY for the past two weeks, and although there wasn't much flooding in our neighborhood, the ground was saturated to the max. I was wearing shoes with a pencil heel and was expecting the event to be held inside the house, but it was instead being held in their backyard under a tent. Ladies, have you ever had to walk across a wet lawn while carrying a diaper bag and wearing....stiletto heels? OMG this was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do in my life. Well not really, difficult was learning how to breastfeed, this was the second most difficult thing I've had to do. What were these people thinking holding a wedding party outside in their lawn where it had been raining for two weeks straight? Inside the tent there was a tiny stage set up and in front of it were about two dozen chairs. There was a speaker system playing some Indian music in the corner of the tent but no DJ, they just rented the dj equipment and played their own CD's (as I found out later, ad nauseum). To provide some light in the tent, they used two halogen lamps (the kind we used in our college dorms and later on, in our first apartments). The chairs they had placed in the tent were barely able to stay stable, the minute anyone sat on them they lost their balance and would start to sink into the ground.

No one from the bride's family came out to greet us or any of the guests. Some had made the mistake of actually getting there at 6:00 pm sharp and were regretting it dearly. To make matters worse, there was no food being served to the guests to help manage the long wait. Here's how the rest of the evening went down:

7:30 pm - My son tells me he's hungry, I tell him to please wait, maybe some food will be coming soon. 15 minutes go by, and no food or drink arrives, although I sense the smell of biryani, chicken tikkas, and samosas coming from the garage. My Mom and Aunt watch the girls while I take a stroll to locate some food. I see all the food is being prepared by the caterers in the garage, there's a tandoor there too, but nothing is being served. I see another woman with small children eating some chicken pastries and cookies and ask her where she got them. She said, "There's food inside the house, the host and all their relatives are inside with it. There waiting for the barat (groom's family) to arrive before they start serving the guests but you can go get some food for your children, my kids were starving too." So I venture inside the house and load some pastries and cookies on a plate and head back to the tent with my son. This time I realized I had to throw my weight forward and walk on my tip toes to avoid sinking too far into the ground with my stilettos.

7:45 pm - The kids have cleaned out the plate of cookies and pastries and are asking for more. I stop them, hoping vainly that dinner is going to be served shortly. The hosts had hired two people as "maid service" and they were supposed to be tending to the guests, but instead they were acting like one of the guests sitting on a chair eating chicken tikkas and naan. I was appalled. Where did they get that chicken? Then I thought, maybe they are letting the maid service eat first so they will have energy to feed the fainting guests.

8:00 pm - The ladies in the tent are finally served some appetizers. A table is set up by the caterers and on it was pakoras, samosas, dahi baras, and some sodas. Everyone gets up to eat, the kids eat a little more. Still no sign of the hosts or the bride.

8:45 pm- The bride makes an appearance with a friend. She sits down for five minutes, then leaves. The kids continue to get very cranky.

9:00 pm- It's begun to get very dark outside. And cold. The kids aged 12 and under have figured out that the host has a huge finished basement where tv is playing and they can run around with no shoes. I follow because my girls are still a little clingy and wanted me to watch them. I didn't mind, I got a place to take off my stilettos and make some calls on my cell phone. I send a text message to my husband, who was still in NJ, "I'm at the Mehndhi from hell." He replies with a "Why, what's going on?" Oh, there was too much to complain about so I dialed up and told him about the ruined stilettos and starving kids and rude hosts.

9:30 pm- I enlist the help of my 8 year old cousin and her pre-tween friends to babysit my kids in the basement and head back to the tent where the ladies are still waiting for the hostess to greet them. I was tired of hanging around the kiddie party and tweens watching "Who's Line is it Anyway." I needed some adult conversation. By now only instrumental Indian music is playing on the stereo. My Mom asks me what time it is, and I tell her. She says, "I feel like we've been sitting in transit." I tell her, "I feel like I'm in purgatory." It's dark outside now, and it's getting really cold. All the ladies are being ravaged by mosquito bites, but still no sign of the hostess or anything remotely "wedding". The kids come back outside to the tent accompanied by my cousin. They thought I left them there forever and were crying to be taken back to me.

9:45 pm - The groom's family arrives and is taken inside the house where they are served dinner! Yes, they are snuck into the house and served dinner while the "guests" have been sitting outside for almost 4 hours, hungry, cold, and being attacked by mosquitos.

10:00 pm- The kids have had it. They're crying, they are cold, and they want to go home, and I don't blame them. We call my Dad on the cell phone and he says he'll be there in twenty minutes. My Mom was going to get a ride home with her friend and sit out this hell of a wedding party, but I was ready to get out of there. The kids and I go back towards the house and wait for my Dad to pick us up.

10:30 pm- The groom's family has finished eating and now the host family is ready to begin the rasam, which is deocorating the bride with a flower necklace and all that crap. Who even gives a shit by now, this family should be counting their lucky stars anyone even bothered to stick around this long. I saw my Dad in the driveway and me and the kids were off to Wendy's drive-thru.

11:00 pm- After feasting on nuggets, fries, and burgers, my two year old daughter Z announces "I happy now." Honey, me too.

12:00 am- As the kids are drifting off to sleep, my Mom comes home. I ask her if she got to eat and she says, "Yes, they finally served the dinner after doing the rasams. Dinner was served at 11:30 pm, good thing you took the kids home when you did."

The next night was the wedding reception and although the children and I were invited to this party, I decided to sit this one out. We stayed home, ate chicken and rice my mom had made, and went to the park. My husband was coming up Saturday night too, so we wanted to be home to open the door for him. My parents went alone to the reception which asked guests to be there at 7:00 pm. When my parents came home at 11:00 pm, she said, "Good thing you didn't go, the dinner wasn't served until 10:30 pm". The nerve. I don't know why people like this even bother putting a "arrive by" time on the invitation. They should just leave it blank or write "come whenever you damn please".

I should also send them a bill for fixing my shoes.




Look, I brought home some of their lawn on my heels.