I've never been happy with my weight. When I was a size 6 I wished I was a 4, when I was an 8 I wanted to be a 6 again, and when I was a 10, 12, and then a 14 (after I delivered my firstborn) I wished I could just settle into a size 8 and never obsess about my weight again. Right now I'm a 12 and I've been that way since I had the twins last year. I know a size 12 is an average size, but why do I feel like such a fatty when I go shopping? Most high-end designers like Citizens of Humanity and True Religion seem to stop at a size 10, as if to proclaim, "If you can't fit into a size 32 (that's how they are sizing them these days) you are too fat to wear our jeans!" I found a pair of size 34 jeans on clearance once at Guess but I think the only reason they fit me is because they had stretch in them. Seven jeans started selling at Lane Bryant, but as luck would have it, even their smallest size is big on me! I'm stuck in a limbo between mainstream sizes and plus size and the only way to get out is to lose the weight and get back to an 8. Meanwhile, there is one pair of jeans that fit me perfectly and hides the baby belly bulge in the process, it's the American Eagle Hipster Flare Jean in size 12 Petite (I'm 5'3"). They don't have stretch in them, which I like, because stretch jeans are nice in theory but lose their shape as you wear them, resulting in a sagging butt look. I hate stretch jeans, I'd rather buy the size that fits than buy stretch jeans.
I know what I need to do to lose the weight. I need to stop eating my kids' leftovers as my main meals and start exercising, but joining a gym in NJ isn't that easy. I have to tack on the babysitting charges for each visit to the gym which is at best $40 for 10 visits to watch three children for two hours. Total cost plus monthly gym membership, $150 per month. Not happening. I've done THE FIRM, which ended up bulking my thighs so I quit. I started Winsor Pilates and saw result within 10 days, but then the flu season began and I got off schedule and couldn't find time to do the DVD. I was so exhasted I would rather sleep (or blog!) instead of getting down and doing Pilates with peppy Mari Winsor. The fact that it is cold outside and we are indoors alot exacerbates the problem. Hopefully when spring rolls around we can get out on our triple stroller and start taking strolls again. That was working really well for me last summer until Old Man Winter came and the Flu Bug struck.
By the way, I received a package today from the husband who is away visiting his family in Pakistan. The kids are too young to travel right now so we're staying with my parents. He sent me a box of Godiva chocolates for Valentines day. I really appreciated the thought, but I don't know how to tell him I would rather he spend the money on buying me makeup from MAC instead? How am I supposed to feel better about myself when I am indirectly told to consume a pound of chocolate? Of course I won't eat the whole box (really I won't!) the kids will clean it out before I get a chance to eat even one, but I do appreciate the thought.