The Smirking Chimp speaks again!

"I'm the Prezadent....no really I am."

"Keep doing as I say moron or I'll shoot you too."

So Bush called Cheney's explanation of the shooting "strong and powerful", just like his puppet strings.

Oh Puhleeese!

The fine print says: "(Gulp!) Shocked I'm a mom? You
should know that by now that milk's nine essential
nutrients make for one irresistible body. got milk?"

All I could think when I saw this photo was "Shut up, bitch!" [photo source: Just Jared]

Do you have these jeans in a size FAT?

I've never been happy with my weight. When I was a size 6 I wished I was a 4, when I was an 8 I wanted to be a 6 again, and when I was a 10, 12, and then a 14 (after I delivered my firstborn) I wished I could just settle into a size 8 and never obsess about my weight again. Right now I'm a 12 and I've been that way since I had the twins last year. I know a size 12 is an average size, but why do I feel like such a fatty when I go shopping? Most high-end designers like Citizens of Humanity and True Religion seem to stop at a size 10, as if to proclaim, "If you can't fit into a size 32 (that's how they are sizing them these days) you are too fat to wear our jeans!" I found a pair of size 34 jeans on clearance once at Guess but I think the only reason they fit me is because they had stretch in them. Seven jeans started selling at Lane Bryant, but as luck would have it, even their smallest size is big on me! I'm stuck in a limbo between mainstream sizes and plus size and the only way to get out is to lose the weight and get back to an 8. Meanwhile, there is one pair of jeans that fit me perfectly and hides the baby belly bulge in the process, it's the American Eagle Hipster Flare Jean in size 12 Petite (I'm 5'3"). They don't have stretch in them, which I like, because stretch jeans are nice in theory but lose their shape as you wear them, resulting in a sagging butt look. I hate stretch jeans, I'd rather buy the size that fits than buy stretch jeans.

American Eagle Hipster Flare Jean, $29.50

I know what I need to do to lose the weight. I need to stop eating my kids' leftovers as my main meals and start exercising, but joining a gym in NJ isn't that easy. I have to tack on the babysitting charges for each visit to the gym which is at best $40 for 10 visits to watch three children for two hours. Total cost plus monthly gym membership, $150 per month. Not happening. I've done THE FIRM, which ended up bulking my thighs so I quit. I started Winsor Pilates and saw result within 10 days, but then the flu season began and I got off schedule and couldn't find time to do the DVD. I was so exhasted I would rather sleep (or blog!) instead of getting down and doing Pilates with peppy Mari Winsor. The fact that it is cold outside and we are indoors alot exacerbates the problem. Hopefully when spring rolls around we can get out on our triple stroller and start taking strolls again. That was working really well for me last summer until Old Man Winter came and the Flu Bug struck.

By the way, I received a package today from the husband who is away visiting his family in Pakistan. The kids are too young to travel right now so we're staying with my parents. He sent me a box of Godiva chocolates for Valentines day. I really appreciated the thought, but I don't know how to tell him I would rather he spend the money on buying me makeup from MAC instead? How am I supposed to feel better about myself when I am indirectly told to consume a pound of chocolate? Of course I won't eat the whole box (really I won't!) the kids will clean it out before I get a chance to eat even one, but I do appreciate the thought.

Where do I stab myself in the ears?

This is the title of the song my brother was just listening to on his iTunes before he got up to let me use the computer (the kids are asleep, yeah!). A song from the Underworld Evolution soundtrack, "Where do I stab myself in the ears (the Digital Doom remix)" is an odd song about a person's discontent with life. I don't know why my brother is into this stuff, although I too had a morbid period in my adolescence, I don't remember listening to this kind of stuff. The closest I got was "I'm Only Happy when it Rains" by Garbage. Then again, there was no iTunes or access to any mp3 in the world when I was a teenager.

Clearance Sale at Esprit!

I'm taking a break today from posting about unattainable luxuries to actually posting about stuff I can afford. Why feel bad about not being able to buy overpriced Manolos when you can go shopping at Esprit! They are having the best sale right now on stuff we actually will wear during this season (sweaters for East Coast chicks and cute light tops for the West Coasters). They have free shipping in U.S. for any order over $30, yes that's not a typo, spend thirty dollars on clothes and the shipping is free! I can do that in 10 seconds.


I wear this look almost on a daily basis (that is, IF I decide to finally get out of my pj's). I love the lace camisole (which only cost me $7 at the actual store!) peeking underneath a v-neck sweater. This look is from Esprit.



This I want to buy. This wrap sweater is only $20, and is lightweight enough to layer so I can wear it year round.

Now I've got to go find my purse so I can go shopping online. I love the internet.

Irresistible Manolo Blahniks

If there is one sandal I would like for spring it would be these. I know I won't get them, they cost more than the drapes in my living room and dining room combined, but they are too cool. Thanks to Lena's tech savvy, I finally am able to have borders around my photos now. Thanks girl, I would gift these to you if I could!

Manolo Blahnik Ornament Sandal from Neiman Marcus, $815

When Toddlers Attack

Did I say my little brother hogs the computer? I was so wrong, it's the pesky little kids! First of all they refuse to take their normal afternoon nap since I came up here so I don't get a single break in the entire day. ( I don't know how Angelina does it jetsetting all over the world, how does she keep her kids on a schedule?) Back home I could drop the twins in their cribs and my son in his bed and just get a break for 2 hours. I relish this break to do laundry, cooking, and my new favorite hobby, blogging. But here, they stay up till midnight and take no naps, and when I do get moment to sit on the computer they are climbing all over me onto the computer desk and making a giant mess of all my brother's stuff. Yesterday at 9:30 pm, I tried to get them to sleep, but it was useless, so I thought "maybe I'll try to update my blog". The kids followed me into the computer room. Once I got on the computer, my son starts shouting "I want to go to pbskids.org and play Paint with Caillou!" and the girls chimed in "Ka-ya, Ka-ya!". Frustrated, I was like "Fine, play it!" and left them alone with my three year old in command of the mouse and the twins as his cheerleading spectators. I went to my parents room to read the array of new fashion news (like The Notebook) my mom had just received from Neiman Marcus. I don't spend enough money at this store to be included on this elite mailing list, but that's okay with me. That's what parents are for, mooching. Anyway, I'm deeply involved educating myself about all the latest trends for spring like big bags, studded shoes, and ruffled shirts when I hear screaming from the computer room and my son is yelling "Bad girl, bad girl!". I run over to find my youngest twin (H) passed out on the floor (which I expected because she didn't nap all damn day!) and the older twin (Z) writing all over the computer monitor with a pencil! That did it for me. I yelled at the kids, told them they can't manage a computer and shut the thing off while my poor son was yelling "but I didn't do anything, it was Z!" I said "I know I'm not really yelling at you, I'm yelling at Z, she's a bad girl". This made my son feel better. I erased the pencil from the monitor and cleaned it with Windex. Then I marched them back to our room and just laid down with them so they would be forced to go to sleep.

So this is what it's going to be like until I go back to New Jersey. Before anyone asks, "Can't your parents watch them for you while you update for 20 minutes?" the answer is "No." Only my Dad helps me with the kids, my Mom just does the laundry and cooking and other household stuff, but feels she's done doing diapers and childcare so doesn't help me out with the childcare much. Right now my Dad took them downstairs to play with my old toys and some new ones we got for them in the family room while I take a break and zone out on the net. I'm going to try to post whenever I can because there is so much I want to talk about regarding the trends for spring and all the bags I'm lusting after. By the way, I figured out how Angelina keeps her kids on track while travelling all over the place, it's called nannies.