Sperm for Sale

"My name is Vincent Gallo, male gigalo. I am selling my sperm for $1 million to any woman who wants it, although discounts will be given to blond haired and blue eyed females of the Aryan race. If you're as sexy as I am, I'll give it to you in person."


Just when you think there is a lull in the gossip mills, morons like this pop up. Leave it to DJ to find the best in the gossip world. Visit her site Conversations about Famous People by clicking here. Read the full article about Vincent sowing his seeds at Gothamist. It's ironic that I find this news today after dreaming about Oded Fehr last night (it wasn't dirty, I was rescuing him and Julianne Moore from a building that was going to blow up, we were all secret agents. The scene was a play by play of a Jimmy Neutron cartoon I saw earlier in the day with my kids. I think things were about to get dirty, but as luck would have it I woke up.) Here's a pic of the Oded from the movie Deuce Bigalow Male Gigalo. I think Oded has a better chance of getting offers than Vincent.

"Women pay me to give them pleasure"

By the way, have you seen Oded in Sleeper Cell on Showtime? He is so hot. I know the serial is about terrorists and sleeper cells, but they cast him in the lead and all I can think about is how good looking he is, and oh yeah he's supposed to be the bad guy and I'm supposed to be afraid of him, but he's such a good looking bad guy...

Feeling so grossed out

On the weekends I usually don't cook. We either eat out (either at someone's house or at a kid-friendly restaurant) or order food to bring home. Today we ordered Chinese. General Tso's Chicken, Chicken Fried Rice, Chicken Lo Mein, and White Rice. My son and I ate a little bit of everything while my husband fed the girls Chicken Fried Rice and White Rice. As soon as I was done gobbling food, I offered to switch with my husband. The girls love Lo Mein and only I can feed it to them in a non-messy way. However, as I was scooping the Chicken Lo Mein onto a plate, guess what I found in there? A wrapped up BAND-AID!!!! As if it had been wrapped around someone's finger and somehow slid deep inside the dish of Chicken Lo Mein. Yuck! My son and I had already eaten a good portion of this. I felt like throwing up, but due to an irrational fear of vomiting and making a mess of myself, I miraculously didn't. (If I have a choice between vomiting or diarrhea, I choose diarrhea.) I told my husband something had to be done about this, so he called the restaurant they said they would remove the charge for the Lo Mein off the menu. I was like "What? That's it?". Hippie Muslimah Mommy was over at our house when the incident took place and said we should get the whole meal for free because God knows what else could be in the rest of the stuff we ate (although I think the rice dishes were probably fine, still the whole incident freaked us out). So my husband called back and they weren't understanding why we wanted the whole order credited. I said "Why don't you take the Lo Mein dish with the Band-Aid in it down there to the restaurant and tell the manager in front of all the other diners there that you found a BAND-AID in the Lo Mein". Now, it seems the manager understood. They were like "No, please don't bring the food back, we will credit you." After the whole finger in the chili thing, a lot of restaurants are freaked about getting slapped with lawsuits and loss of business from tarnished reputations. Even though we got credited, I still feel grossed out. My son has no clue what happened and went to bed calmly soon after, but I'm up late feeling naseated. I swear if I get sick, I'm calling Eyewitness News.

Passions goes Bollywood

Passions is one of those guilty pleasure soaps you know are ridiculous, but just have to watch. On January 27th, Gwen is going to have 6 minute song and dance Bollywood dream sequence. Since I'm a fan of both Hollywood and Bollywood, I just have to watch. I saw a preview of the video on TV Guide.com, click here to take a look. The stars are doing the dances really well, I'm impressed. I'm setting the episode for recording on my DVR.


photo: TV Guide.com

4 Things Tag

Wow, I got tagged by Virenda from the Green Straw. Tagging is new to me, as Tlon says, it's very much like chain-mailing in the blogging world. Here's my take on the 4 things tag:

Four Jobs That I've Had:

1. Telemarketer. I had to convince people to allocate their assets with a big investment firm. I got hung up on alot. Now when telemarketers call me, I always listen to their schpeel before kindly declining because I've been in their shoes too, and it ain't a pretty job. (Another thing we have in common, Virenda!)
2. Receptionist for a real estate agency. Pretty blah work for $10 an hour.
3. Auditor for Big Six accounting firm. This was my first real job after I got my MBA. Some days were fun, most days were hell. I got burned out from the long hours and commuting all over the place and left after putting in my required two years. I never got my CPA neither do I have any desire to in the future.
4. Internal Auditor for a telecom company. This was my "country club" job. Light hours, light work load. I made tons of friends and we had a blast. We spent most days just chatting, working a little bit, having long lunches, joking by the water cooler etc... When we travelled, we stayed at fine hotels and ate at nice resteraunts, all on the company tab. We were having a great time until someone realized we really didn't do much and decided to outsource our department to a Big Six firm. I was lucky though, I had a baby and decided to become a stay at home mom before everyone got layed off.

Four Movies I can watch over and over again (if I ever have the time!):

1. Titanic (I watched it 3 times in the theatre.)
2. The Day After Tomorrow
3. The Lion King
4. Finding Nemo

I had to really think about the movies. Since I had kids, I don't really have time to watch movies that I like, the kids have veto power over what goes into the DVD player. I have seen Lion King nearly 100 times so far and have all the dialogue memorized.

Four Places I've Lived:

1. Elmira, NY
2. Karachi, PAKISTAN (Nice place to visit, but I don't ever want to live there again!)
3. Hoboken, NJ (which is actually like another borough of Manhattan)
4. North Brunswick, NJ

Four T.V. Shows I love to watch:

1. Charmed (I must be the only thirty-something watching this show, it's the last survivor from my Buffy, Angel, and Charmed trio days)
2. Commander-in-Chief
3. Desperate Housewives (I know, it's a guilty pleasure)
4. Rabba Ishq na Hove (this is a Zee TV soap I get on our satellite dish channel. It has english subtitles, but I'm bilingual so I understand it. It's better than any American soap opera I've ever seen!)

Four Website's I read Daily:

1. Conversations about Famous People (CAFP). I love Distressed Jeans, she is hilarious!
2. Pink is the New Blog
3. MSN Money (I like to follow the stock market, bet you didn't know that!)
4. All the sites on my links, especially toutie.com, my latest find.

Four Places I've Been on Vacation:

1. Orlando, Florida
2. Yosemite National Park
3. Pakistan (actually none of my trips to Pakistan should be labelled "vacations" because it is hot as hell there and I spent most of my time indoors sleeping and eating...or getting glucose drips at the hospital from the food posioning I contract each time I go there)
4. Acadia National Park

Four Favorite Foods:

1. Asian Dumplings and Potstickers (I love these too V!)
2. Biryani and Raita
3. Nihari
4. Channa Dal Gosht and Basmati Rice (But my Mom has to cook this, I don't know how to make it)

Four places I'd rather be (at this precise moment?):

1. Asleep
2. Reading a book in front of the fire place and drinking hot cocoa
3. Getting my hair done at the salon
4. Relaxing on the beach (Ibiza!)

Four People I tag:

There's no obligation, but I'd like to tag those who I think have not been tagged yet and I know read my blog:

1. Hippie Muslimah Mommy (come'on girl , you know you want to!)
2. MM
3. Too Many Kids

I only can think of three people, sorry. Thanks for the tag Virenda, I had no idea what to blog about today and I think I've revealed more about myself in one post than I could in ten. Hope you guys don't think I'm too weird and will keep reading!

Phone Nazis

Once I had kids, I lost a lot of privileges I used to take for granted. I lost the right to take a shower without making a prior announcement, sleeping whenever I wanted to, and eating an entire meal without getting bothered by the kids. Now I've lost phone privlieges as well. Everytime I try to talk to a human being on the phone, the kids can't take it. My son demands to know who I am talking to and trys to grab the phone away from me. He wants to talk on the phone too. And the girls realize that I'm not paying attention to them anymore and start screaming or jump on top of me to pull my hair. Just a few days ago, I tried to talk to a dear old friend of mine who I wish I could keep in touch with more often. I had been wanting to talk to her for such a long time, and finally when I saw the kids were busy playing a game, I decided to dial her number. As soon as I got her on the phone, the kids went ballistic. My son demanded to know who I was talking to and wanted to speak to her as well. The girls started fighting with each other over the same toy. I went into another room to talk to my friend quietly and the kids followed me there as well. They started piling up on each other on top of the glass coffee table. My friend must have thought I live in a complete nuthouse. Realizing my time was limited I started talking really fast, trying to get as much in as I possibly could before I had to hang up and yell at the kids. Then the doorbell rang, it was Dominos, so I had to get the door. Another conversation cut short unfairly. I'm lucky my friend is understanding. She, amongst other far away friends of mine, is the main reason I started this blog, so I could communicate with people at odd hours like 3 am, the only time I have to myself in the entire day. It seems that when I'm typing away on computer, the kids don't realize I am actually communicating with people. But I have to wait until they are asleep to type otherwise they will smack the laptop and try to pretend to type as well. I pray this phase of theirs will end by the time preschool starts. I want my phone privilges back.

Isabella Fiore's New Stud Muffins

First it was the famous Whipflash Audra bag, which later came to be known as "the Katie Holmes bag". Now Isabella Fiore has come out with amazing new styles for spring called Stud Muffins. The design of these bags are little bit like Bulga but with alot more thought to creative design and details. Isabella Fiore is taking off in a big way, celebs like Mena Suvari and Alyssa Milano are already big fans, yet surprisingly all her bags are priced under $1,000. Here are few Hobos and Stud Muffins I particularly love:





The "Metal of Honor" Carina Stud Muffin, $795, and the bag as it appears when carried by Mena Suvari. (This bag is not a good choice for daily wear if you overdo your eye-makeup and are 5'2" and under, but it is still a cool looking bag for maybe, going to the airport or travelling.)






Ready Whip Yvonne Leather Hobo, $645






Carina Stud Muffin in Celadon Green, $695

Isabella Fiore is sold at NeimanMarcus.com and also at Adasa.com. Actually Adasa has some styles that Neiman's doesn't carry, including the Carina Stud Muffin in Bold Brown, which is my favorite out of her new line, after my first choice, the Yvonne in Chocolate Brown. Maybe the husband will read my blog and buy me an IF bag for my birthday.

Things that make you go hmm about kids shows

My kids watch alot of TV during the winter months. I know the fresh air is good for them and I should be taking them outside daily, but I am the cook, diaper changer, clothes changer, house maid, driver, everything. No one can move a muscle unless I move, and these days I'm so zapped of energy I don't really care to do anything but drink highly caffinated beverages in front of the fireplace and TV. Sleep is out of the question because if I do go down for a nap, I end up sleeping longer than the kids and I wake up dazed, confused, and late for the next "to do" on the schedule (laundry, cooking dinner, the list is endless). The husband helps out on the weekends so that's the only time I get to go out in the real world because three little rascals are just too much for me to handle alone.

That being said, while I'm cleaning or cooking or doing some household errand, my kids spend time with the electronic babysitter, the TV. We have become familiar with all the kids shows on Noggin, Nick Jr., Disney, and PBS. Our current favorite is Caillou. These shows are tailored for little children and very wholesome and educational. But there are many things about them that would make most rational adults say "What the....?"

Among them, my ponderings:

1. Why is Caillou bald, he's four and he still has no hair? I hope he's not on chemo.
2. Why does Dora's mother let her go wander in the jungle all by herself for hours? Isn't she afraid she might get kidnapped by some troll?
3. Same for Diego, he gets chased by smiling sharks and barely makes it home alive, yet his parents haven't got a clue. Big sister Daisy isn't much help watching the show from her control room.
4. What is with Sportacus's pants? What is he packing in there?
5. Amongst the disguises Robbie Rotten stores in his closet to wreak havoc on the residents of "Lazytown", one is of Marie Antoinette. Is Robbie Rotten a cross-dresser? Transvestite? Should he even be in the same town as little children?
6. The video for the Wiggles song "Farmer Brown" with the little girls dressed up as horses swishing their tails is creepy as hell, it needs to removed from the Disney channel pronto.
7. Those kids who play with Barney look too old to be playing with Barney.
8. Steve, from old episodes of Blues Clues, looks like he is wearing lipstick. (Steve vehemently denies he is gay by the way, check out what he's up to now here.)
9. Dee Dee Doodle from The Doodlebops is a bigger diva than J. Lo.
10. Charlie and Lola is the worst cartoon ever, it should be banned. Charlie is too young to be entrusted to take care of his little sister. This cartoon reeks of parental negligence, CPS needs to be called stat.