"Hello, Glamour? Posh here. I urgently need to write an article in your magazine about how everyone can be as glamorous as me. Yes, you heard me right. I am the shizzle and you bitches can learn alot from me."
Thank heavens Victoria Beckham has finally divulged her secrets of style to us mere mortals. I can't wait to pick up the next issue of Glamour and read on and on about how I too can look like a plastic Barbie doll with bad fashion sense. Okay, now that I got that sarcasm out of my system, I simply refuse dress like Posh. There have been too many instances where she has looked either like a clown or completely fake, or both. She can make even a simple jeans and t-shirt ensemble look bad. The most shock inducing piece in the whole article is that she shops at Gap Kids. Yes, Gap Kids!
"I like buying jumpers from Gap Kids and cutting them up because they're so fitted and can look really cool and Seventies-inspired. I also wear their T-shirts inside out with a pair of my jeans (Victoria designs for Rock & Republic) and a fabulous pair of sunglasses. For me that's a look that just can't go wrong."-Victoria Beckham
I think my fear of vomiting is beginning to disappear now. OMFGawd! Gap Kids???? The same store where my 8 year old niece shops? And what's with wearing the t-shirts INSIDE OUT? Is that a new fashion trend I don't know about?
I won't bore you with the entire list, you can read all about that in detail HERE or in the next issue of Glamour, but here's a little picture show about how Posh is not really listening to her own advice.
Rule #10- It's Fun to Experiment, but follow some Classic Style Must-dos
Like dressing like a hooker for a black tie event? (Please David, when your wife asks you "How do I look?" actually LOOK at her. Don't be like my husband, who won't even look at me and say, "You look great, now let's go, we're getting late!")
Rule #9- Trust in Few Faithful Opinions (Posh says she listens to her mother and sister)
But she's clearly not listening to her mother here. Posh, your mom is telling you that sweater looks like a self-replicating alien fetus. The rest of the outfit looks fine, although I'm not too sure I would wear boots with capris, but that sweater....dayum girl!
Rule #7- Dress From the Inside Out
This rule has nothing to do with wearing t-shirts inside out, but rather focusing on your undergarments. Posh says she relies on Calvin Klein T-shirt bras. Remind me never to buy those, ever. They show nip. I have a bra by Lilyette that has much better padding, and it only cost me $12. I do love her $35,000 Ostrich Leather Kelly bag though. I was about to buy one, but we got a Honda Odyssey instead.
Rule #6- Never Leave the House without Designer Sunglasses (a.k.a. Accessories are the Bare Necessities)
Sorry Vic, those make you look like you're either a fly or about to get a root canal at the dentist. I do agree accessories matter, but I personally don't buy designer sunglasses because I lose them very easily. If I don't lose them, my kids will find them and break them. I stick to the $10 designer-inspired cheapies and save the big bucks for the designer bags (did I mention I love handbags?).
Rule #1- Visualize Your Overall Look, and Then Pull the Pieces Together