Salma Hayek's Smoking Hot Black Bag

Have you seen this black bag Salma Hayek has been carrying on the Ugly Betty show? It's become my latest obsession. I love it. It's the Francesco Biasia Aphrodisiac Trapezoid Tote, and it's now at the top of my most wanted list.

I love the woven leather and the big handles on this bag, they make it look both stylish and sturdy at the same time. According to all the fashion mags, the "it" bag of the moment is a big black leather bag with brass-toned hardware, and this bag definitely fits the bill. The Francesco Biasia Aphrodisiac Trapezoid Tote is available at Zappos.com for $391.95, and the shipping is free.

Ugly Betty screencap via Salma Hayek Web

Aishwarya Rai Without Makeup, Looking Depressed

Aishwarya Rai is looking really depressed lately. It seems her horoscope is not good, and won't be compatible for a marriage to her Umrao Jaan co-star Abhishek Bachchan. Aishwarya recently went to a temple in Varanasi with Abhishek, and his family, which included Big B, Jaya, and Abhishek's sister, Shweta. They were thronged by paparazzi, and it seems like catching candid photos of Bollywood celebs is now coming in vogue in India.

I must say it's nice to see her without makeup. Now I don't feel so fug.

Here's a glimpse of Aishwarya with her future (or possbily current) in-laws. You can see Big B Amitabh in the front, Jaya in the orange sari, and the Shweta behind Jaya. Abhishek is the one pulling on his ear behind Aish. The whole family is here to pray for Aishwarya. Question is, where is Aishwarya's family? Shouldn't they be praying for her too?





all photos via aishwarya-forever.com

Punjabi Film in English: Basheera in Trouble!

When I was younger, I had many close friends whose parents spoke English with a heavy Punjabi accent. Words like "sweetie" were pronounced "saveetie", "do not" was pronounced "donut", and the city of Scranton was pronounced "Suck-a-rrranton" (the "r" was rolled). It was these very friends who introduced me to this skit from a Pakistani comedy show called Fifty Fifty. Very popular during the late 70's and early 80's, Fifty Fifty was a weekly comedy show very similar to Saturday Night Live, and the skits were always hilariously funny. By the mid 1980's, all the episodes were available on VHS (which is how I saw them) for ex-pats living overseas, and now in the year 2006, they are all available on YouTube. High Five!

This skit, a fake trailer for Pakistan's first Punjabi film in English, is by far my favorite Fifty Fifty skit of all time. Aptly titled Basheera in Trouble, it pokes innocent fun at the accent and the story lines seen in some Punjabi films.






My favorite scene is at the end, where the guy puts his pagar(turban) down on the floor and says, "My prestige is under your feet, don't kick it, don't kick it!". I also like how that guy in the beginning says "suppose". He's got style.

My Fashion Emergency: Dressing Down

While everyone was focused on the biggest inter-galactic wedding of the century this weekend, I was having a fashion emergency of my own. My husband's co-worker was having a Christening for his baby at an Italian Restaurant and I had absolutely nothing to wear. I always find it tricky to dress for non-South Asian (non-desi) functions. I've seen either the guests at these parties dress up with fancy gowns and jewelry, or they dress like it's business casual day at the office. My problem is, I'm so used to attending dinner parties and functions thrown by South Asians, I tend to overdress. And wear too much makeup. I've learned the hard way that at non-desi functions, a good rule of thumb is to pretend like you're dressing up for a desi function, and then tone it down by two notches. Three, if you're like me.

Of course, when I did this and looked at my closet, I realized I had nothing to wear. I had some nice dressy black pants that I could probably squeeze into if I put on two pairs of Spanx, but the one green twinset I had from Ann Taylor had been seen too many times by my husband's co-workers at other events, and there was no way I was wearing the sparkly white twinset my Mom bought me last year with black pants. I didn't want to be confused with the waitress.

So I forced the husband to watch the kids and headed off to Lohemann's to find something decent to wear. Loehmann's is one of my favorite stores to shop for designer clothes, right up there with TJ Maxx and Marshall's. It takes a little work to find what you're looking for, but you really do end up saving alot of money.

Now the last Christening I went to, everyone was dressed up in fancy gowns and lots of sparkly jewelry. Despite reminding myself I had to tone it down, I got carried away and started trying on party dresses. I'm super self-conscious about my boobs (trust me ladies, bigger is not better!), and I didn't like how most of the dresses for women my age were cut. Too low, and too sexy. This was a Christening, not a dance party. After trying on several outfits, I came back with this dress that was hung under the "Mother of the Bride" sign at the store. It was the only dress I could find that didn't have a V down to "there" and looked modest. Yeah, I'm a prude when it comes to dresses, I know.

When I got home and tried it on to show my husband, he took one look at me and said, "God damn, you look like Driving Miss Daisy, what were you thinking?"

"What's wrong with it?" I asked. I thought it looked pretty cute.

He said, "First of all, this is a Christening, you're too overdressed. Second of all, this dress looks like something an older lady would wear, like Queen Elizabeth for tea. Just wear something normal."

So I returned the dress and headed to Marshall's, which on Saturday was BCBG heaven. I love anything by BCBG, especially when it's on 65% discount. I found a blue twinset with crystals on it in my size (XL baby, I live large) and wore it with the black pants I already owned (I actually only needed one pair of Spanx) and in the end, thought I looked presentable for both a fancy and not-so-fancy party. The husband agreed.

When I went to the Christening, guess what most of the women were wearing? Black pants with sweaters. Some of them twinsets, some of them pastel cashmeres, and some of them in Christmas motifs with snowflakes and reindeer on them (OMG!). Despite trying to dress down, I still managed to wear a sweater that was a little more than what everyone else was wearing, but at least I hit the mark with the black pants.

Oh well. My motto is, you live and learn. Next time I'll just be one of those pests and call the hostess to ask her "What are you wearing?" instead of playing the guessing game. If I had known that it would've been acceptable to wear sweaters with reindeer on them, I could have saved the shopping trip altogether, but I do love the new twinset. My closet can always use a little extra BCBG.



dress photo via, smartbargains.com

The Secret Behind Katie's Wedding Shoes

They were ballet flats! They had to be. It was either that, or Katie shrunk.

For more details on all the gossip behind the TomKat wedding, check out People Magazine's TomKat Blog. It's got all the news I'm too lazy to talk about.

And Now for Something Completely Different...Posh in a Hefty Cinch Sak

Holy Hefty Cinch Sak, Batman! What is this? Is this the latest creation Posh dreamed up while multitasking in her bubble bath?

I don't know if this cinched garbage bag number is from Posh's new fashion line (to be released in January 2007), but if this is the preview, I don't want to see the rest. Well, maybe I do.... but just for shits and giggles.




photo via People

***This post is also posted on Celebitchy***

Loreal's Secret Distribution Mess

I didn't plan to talk about Aishwarya Beige or the nonsense that is Star Secrets again, but 1.) I got a few blank calls from someone with the caller ID "Loreal" at my home and 2.) I've been getting a lot of hits on my blog lately coming from the following Google queries, "Aishwarya Beige", "where can I buy Aishwarya Beige?", "where to buy Star Secrets?", "Star Secrets Aishwarya Beige", "Aishwarya Rai's Makeup How to Get the Look". You get the picture. I can understand the queries for the Aishwarya Beige lipstick, but for someone from Loreal to actually do the extra sleuthing and call me at my home, that's creeping me out a little. Hey, I'm just a blogger with an opinion, that's all.

To be fair, I don't hate all Loreal products. I believe their Le Grand Kohl eyeliners are the best beauty bargain out there, and their ReNoviste Glycolic Peel Kit is the only product that lives up to its promise of evening out your skin tone after only one application. I love ReNoviste and have noticed better results from this product alone than using months of prescription strength Differin gel.

However, if there was ever an award for the "Worst Marketing and Distribution Campaign Ever" it would go to Loreal, for completely screwing up what could have been the most lucrative, international launch of a lipstick line ever. Because of their slow response and indecisive plan of how to launch and distribute this lipstick worldwide, they have lost a considerable amount in potential profits and caused mass hysteria amongst women on the internet, especially those seeking the ever elusive Aishwarya Beige lipstick.

I have yet to find an actual Star Confessions (or is it Star Secrets again? whatever they can't make up their mind) display at a local Walgreens or Target. Neither has Loreal offered the line for sale on its website. Why has Loreal made it so difficult to make the Star Secret lipsticks available to consumers, especially U.S. consumers? I'm seeing the commercials for the Star Secrets flashed during every episode of Desperate Housewives, with Aishwarya, Eva, and Andie walking around with their lipsticks like they're hot stuff, so I see they are continuing to hype it. But what's the use if no one can readily buy it? I think the people who live in the bigger cities have found it at a local retailer at some point, but those of us who live in West Bumblefuck, U.S.A. haven't seen a glimpse of it.

Meanwhile, savvy entreprenuers on eBay have zeroed in on Loreal's distribution problem (or lack thereof) and have taken it upon themselves to fill the void in demand for the most popular of the shades, Aishwarya Beige. In true economic fashion, it's priced at a huge profit margin for the seller. An $8 dollar tube of Aishwarya Beige lipstick is selling on Ebay for almost $30 dollars. That's almost four times the retail price! But you know what, it serves Loreal right. I think the "wizards" behind the entire Star Secrets/Confessions M&D campaign deserve the loss in sale, and furthermore, need to go back to business school to take a lesson in how the internet affects supply and demand in today's economy. What's the point of getting famous international faces to promote your product if you can't even create a market to sell it in?

Nigella Lawson Appreciation Day

There are many reasons I love Nigella Lawson. She's smart, she's beautiful, she's a great mom to her two kids, and she's into unfussy food and easy entertaining. She's a real mom who keeps it real. But most of all, she's not afraid to bake a decadent chocolate cake and eat it straight off the cake plate. She will never be one of those women you see at a birthday party who says, "Just give me a very small slice please," and then unjoyfully eat a sliver-sized piece of cake. No, Nigella will indulge in a full hunk of cake and relish every moment of it. She lives her life to the fullest, and makes no apologies for loving her pasta, and that's why I deem today, Nigella Lawson Appreciation Day.

Cojo's Quote of the Week

"If I ever see a woman with chipped nail polish on her nails, I'll walk right over and smack her over the head with my grocery bag. Unkempt is not fashionable, there is simply no excuse for it." Steven Cojocaru, as quoted on the Rachel Ray show.

Oh snap, Cojo! Point taken, but sometimes you’ve gotta cut a mom a break on this one. Doing things like dishes and diapers is not exactly manicure-friendly work. Besides, isn’t it a bigger fashion crime for a grown man to to think it’s “fashionable” to dress up like Chastity Bono? I’m just sayin’.

The Hamster Dance, Whored Out Bollywood Style

Okay, so I did this post a while ago on Celebitchy and put this video up to show how similarly slutty Paris Hilton and Rakhi Sawant's music videos were, and The Blemish noted that Rakhi Sawant was doing a sexy version of the Hamster Dance. Now I'm a little behind on the music trends, I had no idea what the Hamster Dance was, but found time to google it today, and by golly, he was right!


Here's the original version, innocent hamsters doing an innocent little dance and spreading joy around the world. I let my kids watch this and they enjoyed it very much.




So now that you've got that funky beat stuck in your head, take a look at this. Here's the whored out Bollywood version of the hamster dance, starring my all-time favorite "skank I love to hate" Rakhi Sawant. My kids are not allowed to look at this one, but you can. Don't worry, it's slutty, but it's not porn. (The guys are really gonna love this one!)

Barry Manilow is Torn Between Martha Stewart and Rachel Ray

Rachel to Martha: "Bring it bitch, Oprah's got my back!"

Barry Manilow had a busy morning in New York City today, and it was all because Rachel Ray wanted Barry Manilow on her show the same day and same TIME SLOT her rival Martha Stewart had booked him. Both Rachel Ray and Martha Stewart have their cooking-based talk shows on at 10 AM, but Rachel's is on ABC and Martha's is on NBC. Originally, Barry was supposed to perform on Rachel's show tomorrow, but "Rach" changed the plan at the last minute and made him come today. Martha was pissed and let Rachel have it on her show this morning.

"I've never actually met Rachael Ray," said Martha during her opening monologue, with a rather unmistakable chortle. "I think she's very fun...lively...uh...young woman," continued the domestic queen, racking her brain for adjectival possibilities. "She has Barry on her show today ... Now that's kinda weird."

Martha went on to claim that Rachael had originally scheduled the Manilow show for tomorrow, but for some reason moved up his appearance to today, and then wagged a stern verbal finger in Ray's face, saying, "I don't know ... I think it's not ... great for the artist."

I actually saw this happen on TV this morning. Normally I don't watch Martha, but I was watching the Today Show, and stayed tuned because Martha had appeared with Barry Manilow during the news segment and said, "I've got Barry Manilow on the show today," so me, being the lifetime Barry Manilow fan that I am, stayed tuned and saw it all fold out. After Barry performed on Martha's show, he must have have booked it to ABC, because by the time he appeared on Rachel's set (I kept switching between both channels, I'm a loser I know) Barry was huffing and puffing like he ran a marathon to get there. I clocked him, it took him about 25 minutes to get from NBC studios to ABC. Did he run? Did he use a cab? It's been a while since I've been in Manhattan so I don't really know how far the distance is with the traffic these days, but the poor guy looked exhausted. However, Barry Manilow, being the timeless performer that he is, still managed to put on a good performance at both shows. Normally, I'm not a huge fan of Martha Stewart, but in this case, I have to agree, booking the same artist during the same time slot, on two different television shows in different studios really is not fair to the artist. Manilow sang "What the World Needs Now (Is Love Sweet Love)" on Rachel's show, and before he began to sing he said, "Boy could we ever use this song today." I bet there was a double entendre in that message. The war between Martha and Rachel has officially begun.

Move over women of The View, there's a new bitch fight brewing in town, and this time they've got Wusthof knives.


Martha Stewart/Rachel Ray photo credit: TMZ

Feet Don't Fail Me Now

I know I'm a few days late and a couple candy corns short of posting this, but Happy Halloween ya'll. The kids got tons of candy, and for the first time, we actually ran out of candy to give out. We had to start dipping into the loot the kids brought home just to please the monsters ringing our doorbell. The kids didn't know about the candy embezzlement, I snuck the candy away when they weren't looking. But it was all good, I'd rather sugar up someone else's kids than my own. I need my sleep.

Other than that, life is just busy as usual. Last night, I finally decided to get off my self-loathing "my life sucks and I'm so fat" trip and decided to go back to the gym. Working out always makes me feel better, and I think the main reason I've been so out of it lately is that I've been just wallowing in self-pity and eating too much junk. I was thinking of calling my Dad up to mail me some Zoloft because I just can't take the stress of the kids and not having any time to myself, I mean I can't even go to the bathroom without an audience of three watching me, but I stopped myself and decided to give the gym a try first. Besides, I knew that was what my Dad was going to say anyway, to try exercising first because it helps "balance seratonin levels".

So anyway, yesterday I told the husband I'm feeding the kids their dinner early and the minute he gets home, I'm going to the gym and he's going to be on duty for the rest of the night. He came home, I grabbed my bag and ran out the door. I was already dressed for the gym, in fact, I am perpetually dressed for the gym, (t-shirts and sweatpant are my daily garb), but once I pulled into the gym's parking lot, I realized I had forgotten one crucial thing, my sneakers. In my haste to make it out the door, I had slipped on a pair of black loafers. My gym wouldn't allow me to workout without the sneakers so I had to drive back home. To and fro, it was about a 45 minute drive, but you know it wasn't so bad after all. The drive actually cleared my head and I got to listen to music that was not The Wiggles or about learning ABC's. By the time I got home, the kids were all getting into their jammies, so I thought I'll try to get to the gym tomorrow and went to sleep.

I'm going to try to make it to the gym again tonight, and make damn sure I put on my sneakers before I go. Feet don't fail me now!