Freaky Friday

Okay, so I was haphazradly watching Montel the other day while I was changing diapers in my room. Montel had the famous psychic Sylvia Browne on TV answering questions from the audience. Normally I'm not into any talk show other than Oprah because they're full of nothing but garbage like "I've had 6 paternity tests and I still don't know who my baby's daddy is!" (Maury), or "I want to marry my brother" (who else, Jerry Springer). But Montel occassionally has some good stuff on his show so I give him the benefit of the doubt before I change the channel.

So on this day, the all-knowing oracle Sylvia was on hand to answer the audiences' questions about missing children, visits from dead people, future careers, money problems, and the like. One guest sparked my interest when she said a ghost called her on the cell phone. And he left a voicemail. I was like "What? Ghosts are calling people now on their cells? What's next, an e-mail from beyond?"

Jokes aside, she had proof of the ghost caller. On the night of the incident, she said, her husband had done her a favor and slept in the guest room. He has a bad snoring problem and didn't want to bother his sleep deprived wife. At around 3 am, the wife received a call from her husband's cell phone. She was fast asleep and didn't answer. She saw the Caller ID and the voicemail in the morning. She asked her husband if he had called her at 3 am last night and he said no, his cell phone has been dead since yesterday and he forgot to recharge it last night. Confused, the wife took her husband's cell phone and indeed, it was dead. After putting it on the charger, there was no record that her number was dialed from his phone at 3 am. Then she checked the voicemail. This is what it said:

"Hi.....It's Johnny...." followed by some mumbo jumbo we couldn't understand, but "Hi, It's Johnny" was clearly audible. Problem was, the husband's name wasn't Johnny. So who was this?

Sylvia Browne, without skipping a beat, says, "It was your spirit guide, your guardian angel in a sense. This spirit is always with you, guiding you through life. He just wanted to say "Hi" and let his presence be known to you."

Okay, so now I was freaked out. I do believe in the paranormal and ghosts, and also believe in guardian angels. But why do they need to call us on our cell phones? Well, actually, I'd rather they call me on the cell phone than appear to me in person out of nowhere, that would probably make me faint.

I've had several strange encounters in my life with near death misses to reaffirm my belief in guardian angels. No, I've never seen them or gotten a cell phone call from them, but so many times it's been like someone silently tells you to "look out, there's a car coming" or "go check if the kids are okay" that I'm convinced that we do have an angel assigned to us by God to make sure we don't trip over ourselves along the journey of life.

I once had a strange incident happened at my maternal grandmother's house. Her house was haunted. She had an incident with a poltergeist once and actually had an exorcism done in her house by a Muslim Imam. In Pakistan, people don't really believe in ghosts as much as they believe in Jinns. So the Imam came and read Sura Jinn and prayed for the ghosts/Jinns to leave. He sprinkled holy water all over the house too. Smoke started gathering my uncles's room for some reason. The children were taken out of the house and sent to live with a relative prior to the exorcism for obvious reasons. Only my grandmother, grandfather, and the Imam were present during the exorcism. As the smoke filled the room, my grandmother walked towards it and said, "I don't know what we did to bother you, but we apologize for it. We have children in this house and I would greatly appreciate if you could leave this home or pick a corner of the home to keep as your domain." The smoke dissipated and the house was declared "clean". The ghost decided to make it's home inside the walk-in storage closet, and my grandmother was made aware of this. After that day, everything was fine in the house, and everyone knew that if you ever needed anything from the storage closet, you just needed to make sure you turned on the lights. The ghost didn't want to harm us, it just didn't want to leave the home (I think it may have belonged to him in the past.)

Fast forward a couple years later, my mother takes us to grandma's house to visit. At night, it got cold. My grandmother's house didn't have a heating system, the climate in Karachi is usually hot, hotter, and hottest, so if you feel cold you wear a sweater or put on extra blankets. Problem was, the extra blankets were kept in THE STORAGE CLOSET!!! My aunts, who were unmarried and living at home at the time, refused to go to the storage room after daylight. My mother refused to believe in ghosts. She was already married and moved out of the house when the poltergeist incident happened and thought the whole thing was made up as a joke. My mom told my aunts, "You all are so silly to believe in ghosts. They don't exist. I'm going to go to the storage room and get the extra blankets, AND I won't turn on the lights!" To prep you for what's about to happen, let me tell you that my grandmother stored the blankets in an old crib inside the storage room. Cribs make excellent storage facilities once the kids have outgrown them.

So my mom went to the storage room and came back with the blankets, but was running. After she came back to the room she started laughing.

My aunt: "What happened? Did you see the ghost?"

My mother: "Kind of."

Me (at age 8): "What happened, tell me!"

My mother: "Well, as I stuck my hand underneath the pile of blankets in the crib, something grabbed my hand from underneath. I immediately pulled my hand away quickly, grabbed the blankets and ran out. I think I left the door open."

Me: "Oh no, he's gonna come and get us!"

My mother: "No he won't, he was just playing a joke. But I'll go back and turn on the lights and close the door so you feel safe."

Me: "Thanks."

Cut to my aunts cracking up because my mother finally became a believer that ghosts exist.

Why Marc Why?

I liked what Marc Jacobs did for his own line of handbags, but it should have ended there. Marc cannot apply those same rules to a classic like Louis Vuitton. This fugly work makes me wonder if he's been smoking crack with Whitney Houston. How else can one explain Marc's update to the Monogram Speedy with... perforations! The result is pure fug. The bag looks like it got attacked by a pirhana or should be housing Paris Hilton's next puppy. The perforations looked great on Marc's own Brigitte bag, but the same does not apply to a classic like Louis Vuitton's Speedy.

This fugly bag is available at eLUXURY.com for $1,200.

Katie's Time is Almost Up

Here's the latest on the freak show that is TomKat.

(click on cartoon to enlarge, makes it easier to read)

comic source: Mary Hartz the Excited Blog

The Hunt for Power Ranger S.P.D. Toys

My son is a big Power Rangers S.P.D. fan. I used to watch this show a long time ago when I was little and it was called Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Back then the girls (and some of the boys) watched it mainly to see the one and only female Power Ranger, the Pink Ranger. She was one of the pioneers of the whole "girl power" thing we had going in the 90's. I can't remember her name but she later ended up starring on Felicity and then disappearing from Hollywood altogether. Maybe she's a stay at home mom now with a blog somewhere.

Anyway, I started watching the show again on Toon Disney with my son, the new S.P.D. generation (I must be the only person over the age of 8 who watches this show!) But my son and I are really miffed these days that the S.P.D. series has now ended and has been replaced by a new generation called Power Rangers Mystic Force. We both gave this show an honest shot, but it clearly is not the same as the S.P.D. series. The special effects, the cast, everything was so much better in S.P.D. To put salt on our wounds, Bandai, the company that makes all the Power Rangers toys, has stopped making any more S.P.D. toys and is focusing entirely on the new line of Mystic Force toys. Some people on Ebay are aware of this and charging up to $30 plus shipping for a simple morpher that usually cost $7 in the store. It's like the Cabbage Patch Kids craze from the 80's.

After a relentless search on the internet for an S.P.D. morpher and finding nothing, we are trying to convice our son that the morpher from the highly available Mystic Force line is not so bad (even though it's really cheap). So far he's not convinced. He's still holding out hope and everytime he sees me log on the internet he asks again "Can you check and see if they have S.P.D. morphers for sale?" Every time he asks, so politely I might add, I get more determined to find a damn morpher no matter what the cost. But the husband, who didn't watch the show and has an unbiased view towards all things S.P.D. stops me (somebody's got to stop the insanity!). Oh the problems our kids face!

Oh to be Queen for a Day!

Hot Mama Rania

I am in absolute awe of Queen Rania of Jordan. She is my idol, the epitome of mommy chic. She's the mother of four children, she raises money for charities, she helps the needy, she's smart, she's stylish, and she happens to be a Queen too. I love how despite her wealth and status, she acts so normal and down to earth. Don't be fooled, this is not the Queen who spends all day at the spa. She is heavily involved in human rights and health and social reform issues, and despite working hard all day, she still makes time to tuck her kids into bed at night and read them a story. With servants helping her, she's a working mom that really has it all.

I don't know why but on some strange cosmic level I feel like I can relate to her. Like me, her father is a doctor, she has two siblings, she had a job in banking (she worked for Citibank and Apple Computers too), she's into high fashion (she's got a bag collection like you would not believe!), and she married a big cuddly guy who loves to eat. That's where the similarities end. Her big cuddly guy happens to be the King of Jordan. She's rich enough to buy an entire Chanel boutique, and yet she remains a normal fun-loving mom just like the rest us.

She plays with her kids in their backyard

Her kids climb on her head when she takes them out

She takes her kids to the amusement park and rents the double stroller (I can fit three kids into these buggies! My kids are tiny and I'll get away with it as long as I can.)

They pose for family photos

They go as a family to watch sports games and her husband drinks a diet coke to make it look like he's doing something to watch his weight. That's okay girlfriend, my husband does the same thing. He'll order a Big Mac with a Diet Coke, at least he's saving calories somewhere!

Here's a pic of Rania showing off her post baby body. I don't know if this pic was after her first child or fourth, but either way she looks like one hot mama!

Here's Rania coming back from some important job looking tres chic. I love this classic look with the side parted hair, the trench coat, and dark sunglasses. Her sense of style is really timeless. It also helps that she's drop dead gorgeous.

If you want to read up more on Queen Rania, girlfriend's got her own website which she updates daily. A Queen with a website, who would've thunk it? CLICK HERE FOR THE LINK.

Useless Trivia of the Day

This morning after breakfast, I plopped the kids in front of the TV (electronic babysitter) while I cleaned up the kitchen and did the dishes. While my kids were watching Miss Spider's Sunny Patch, I couldn't help but notice that Miss Spider sounded a lot like Charlotte from Sex and the City. Could it be, I thought? Kristin Davis hasn't been seen since Sex and the City ended, could she now be entertaining the pre-school set to make her living? A quick google search revealed my suspicions to be true. Kristin Davis is the voice of Miss Spider on the Sunny Patch, a cartoon about a mommy spider raising eight little bugs.

The Naked Man Across the Street

Since I'm too broke to lust about any new handbags, and gossip is just on snooze these days, I'm going to tell you a story from my life experience. A long time ago back in 1998, when I had a real job working as an auditor, I was assigned to an audit on the top floor of a really tall building in New York City. I was part of a team of about six auditors and the work was extremely light. So to fill up our downtime, we used to call into radio shows to win some prize of the day, or surf the internet (there wasn't much stuff back then but still), sit around and talk, and best of all, observe what was going on outside through the large windows in the audit room. People watching has long been a past time of New Yorkers, but we took it to a higher level.

The building across the street from where we worked was a typical NYC building. At the street level, there were shops like cafes, bookstores, salons, grocers. Above those shops there were stories of apartments. We started watching the people living in the apartments in the building across the street. These were the people who conveniently never closed their drapes during the day, or simply didn't have drapes. We got to know the tenants pretty well. There was the college kid with the brown leather couch who used to just play video games or talk on the phone all day. He had a giant screen TV and used to invite his college buddies over regularly for pizza parties and football. He was really getting his parent's money worth of college tuition. Above him lived this guy who never wore clothes. He was the most interesting.

It used to baffle us how this man, who NEVER seemed to leave the apartment, would never put on clothes. He used to wake up at noon, eat cereal while standing at the window reading a book, and he even used to workout, stark naked! He used a Total Gym for his workouts. We didn't look at him continuously, we weren't that lame, but it was one of those things we did when we were bored with the other work we were doing, and someone would pipe up, "hey, what's the naked guy doing now?" and someone would be on the lookout and give us the daily update. One day, one of my co-workers got a glimps of full frontal nudity. That was pretty gross, because this was one hairy dude.

Not content at just watching him do nothing all day, one of my co-workers decided to spice things up a bit by trying to find out his phone number. He was successful by walking over to the building and looking up the guy's exact address. He did a reverse telephone lookup on the internet and he was set. On the days the naked guy wasn't doing much, my co-worker would phone him, and we would all watch with glee as he would walk over to the phone. My co-worker would hang up the phone before he answered. We played this game about eight times before it became lame and we stopped. Yes, we were all 24 year old college graduates, some with MBA's like me , playing ding dong ditch on the naked guy. We really should have acted more mature, but blogging was not in full swing back then, and luckily for us, neither was Caller ID.

Like all good things, that audit assignment came to an end, and I made some wonderful friends at that job whom I still miss. But I would like to thank that naked guy for helping us all bond during that hoplessly boring audit.

The Train Wreck that is Pete Doherty

Yawn. The gossip mills are slow these days, the only newsworthy item I found to blog about is that Pete Doherty completely freaked out and kicked a reporter after he pleaded guilty to possessing at least seven kinds of drugs, including but not limited to, crack cocaine, marijuana, and heroine. Take a good look at this guys face. Does it look like that's all the drugs he's been doing? He's so toxic you need to wear a HAZMAT suit near him. I can't believe Kate Moss used to do this junkie. Read the full article here.

Hilary Duff's Make-Under

photo source: OhNoTheyDidn't

I don't know what possessed this once pretty girl to take horse pills (Clenbuterol) and put on horse dentures, but she really needs help. She looked so much better 20 lbs. heavier with her natural teeth. What's the point of dieting to fit into sample sizes if you end up looking like a sick horse?

Of Threading and Guidos

When it comes to eyebrow shaping, my preferred method of choice is threading. It's an ancient method of hair removal that uses a twisted cotton thread to remove rows of several hairs at once. Faster than tweezing and less irritating than waxing, it is also usually the cheapest way to get your eyebrows done. I only pay $5 at my local Indian beauty parlor. The Indians seem to have the market cornered on this beauty treatment, and you can find a parlor that does threading near you by clicking HERE.

Eyebrow shaping is usually a female beauty ritual, but it seems many men are getting into the act as well. Some men want to get rid of a unibrow, others just want to trim the bushiness to avoid looking like Michael Dukakis, and some....well some just want their brows cleaned up into perfect arches like women! I read the most hilarious post today from a link posted on gawker.com. It is on a blog written by a nightclub bouncer in NYC. He's got the craziest stories to tell. Click here to read about his encounter with a guido with amazing threaded eyebrows. It's hilarious!

Who Let this Chanel Ski Bunny Out?

"Hi, it's me Posh. I don't know how to ski, but I sure know how to dress for it. I'm dressed from head to toe in Chanel, even my skis are Chanel. What? You've never seen a ski suit made out of leather? You have now, bitches!"

Photo source: The Bastardly

Sari Double Take

When I first saw this picture of Bollywood actress Aishwarya Rai, who is known as the most beautiful woman in the world, I just fell in love with her sari. Beautiful color, beautiful pattern, and I love the halter style blouse. But, upon closer inspection, I started wondering whether she was wearing a sari at all. Is she wearing a halter top dress with a sari over it, or a pink halter and white jeans with a sari? Either way, I think it's a cool look. There's a lot of cool styles out in India these days when it comes to saris, alot of east meets west going on. All the mod girls are wearing tank tops, camisoles, halter tops, and even bandeau tops underneath saris. I personally really admire Aish's sense of style. Whether she's wearing Indian clothes or Western clothes, she never wears anything fugly and always looks sleek and chic.

There's someone else walking the Indian fashion circuit these days as well. Someone across the pond who's about to marry the biggest pimp daddy in India. It's Liz Hurley, the future Mrs. Arun Nayyar, wearing a beautiful Indian sari reportedly worth $5,000. As much as I don't like Liz, I've gotta admit, she looks gorgeous in this dress.

"Salaam Namaste, bitches!"

(click to enlarge for more detail view)

photo source: The Bastardly

The" IT" Bag-a-Day Giveaway

Yeah! Bluefly and Lucky are giving away 45 bags in 45 days! These are not just any bags, they are all the "It" Bags by designers like Chloe, Marc Jacobs, Dolce and Gabbana, Fendi and then Donna... Karen, they be sharin’ all their money got me wearin’ (sorry, I was on a roll there and that song is not coming out of my head).

I played this game diligently everyday a few months ago when it was 30 bags in 30 days, and never won a bag, although I did win a few promo coupons from Bluefly. I will play again this month, because maybe, just maybe, I might get lucky this time.

Click on the banner below if you want to play too!

What Jamie Oliver Feeds His Kids

Imagine being married to Jamie Oliver. You would never have to cook a day in your life. Every meal you ever eat would be fresh, healthy, and full of something green, like arugula. That's why I was so excited when I finally found a copy of Nick Jr. magazine at Barnes and Nobles the other day. What attracted me to the magazine was the big headline "What Jamie Oliver Feeds His Kids." I was curious to see what the Naked Chef cooks for his two daughters Poppy Honey, age 3, and Daisy Boo, age 2. (Go ahead, laugh, I already did.) All jokes aside, the food is actually really simple stuff, and I tried the fried fish last night and my extremely picky kids actually ate it! Here's a quick review of the recipes:

1. Tomato, Basil, and Balsalmic Pasta. This is just a glorified way of feeding your kids pasta and tomato sauce, except he makes his own sauce with canned tomatoes, balsalmic vinegar, and fresh basil. The balsalmic vinegar is first reduced to release the sugar and make the sauce sweet, and then he throws the rest of the ingredients in to make the sauce. I found that just pouring a jar of Francesco Rinaldi Tomato and Basil sauce over fresh cooked pasta acheived the same effect with much less effort. Yes, I know the jarred sauce has high fructose corn syrup, but that's okay with me, my kids are skinny and can afford to gain weight. Jamie wants you to sprinkle freshly grated parmesan over the top for extra calcium, but ready made Kraft Grated Parmesan is easier.

2. Parmesan Fish Fillets with Avocado and Sprout Salad. The fish part of this was really easy. Just take a white fish fillet, dip it in a mixture of flour, salt, and pepper, dip it in a beaten egg, and then dip in parmesan cheese and fry until done. I used tilapia and omitted the egg part (husband hates egg) and it still turned out good. I skipped serving it with the Avocado and Alfalfa sprouts salad. The kids were not going to to touch that. Instead, I mashed up the fish with Pakistani style rice and peas pilaf (called mattar pulao) and they never knew they were eating fish.

3. Quick Frozen Fruitie. Basically homemade berry yogurt made by pureeing yogurt with frozen berries, and a little honey for sweetness. He pours this into a cup and tops it with crumbled graham crackers. Jamie is clearly against adding sugar to food, especially when he is feeding his kids. I would love to say you could take the easy way out and give your kids the fruity yogurt you buy in the store, like Dannon or Yoplait, and crumble some graham crackers on top of it to make it fancy, but I'd feel too guilty. We all know those ready made fruity yogurts are loaded with sugar and high fructose corn syrup, and Jamie is making me feel really guilty about sugaring up my kids. I haven't tried this recipe yet, but it sounds yummy, and that's what his kids are eating on the cover too. But I'll be a bad mom for the moment and give my kids rasberry flavored Yoplait with Graham Crackers on top because I don't feel like washing a blender today, or tomorrow, or day after tomorrow. My sister is coming up for the weekend, I think I'll make this treat then and make her wash the blender! I can just see her say "what?" as she reads this.

4. Cool Veggies with Minted Pea and Yogurt Dip. This is supposed to be a "healthy" snack for those rare kids who love to eat right. Take some yogurt and puree it with mint leaves, frozen peas, parmesan cheese (the fresh grated kind, this is Jamie Oliver), salt, pepper, and lemon, and you get a concoction that resembles the Green Slime from Nickelodeon shows. Kids are supposed to take pieces of baby carrots, celery, lettuce, asparagus, red pepper, and green beans and dip it in the Green Slime. That is so not gonna happen here. I won't even bother with this one.

Getting that Happy feeling from Bed Bath and Beyond

This weekend for my birthday, my husband arranged for a sitter and we drove into the city to party with P. Diddy at Ciprianis, where we sipped Bacardi like it was my birthday. No, not really, but I wish!

Actually, this weekend my husband surprised me with a birthday dinner out with friends. I couldn't have asked for a better gift. I thought we were going to my BFF Rabia's house for pizza, totally forgetting it was my own birthday, and was surprised when we ended up in the parking lot of my favorite Chinese restaurant. Rabia and her family were parked in the parking lot waiting for us there. If I had known we were going out to eat, I would have dressed up more, all I had done was wear a little lipstick and thrown on a sweater and jeans, but we were with close friends so it was all good. Just so you know, we didn't go to the Band-Aid Lo Mein restaurant, that place is the husband's favorite place, even after that yucky incident! The place we went to for my birthday is really nice, and surprisingly, only has a 10-15 minute waiting time compared to the rest of the restaurants in New Jersey. It seems everyone and their mother eats out on a Saturday night in Jersey. Even the wait at the Olive Garden runs on average 1 1/2 to 2 hours.

So during the meal, while the kids were running around the restaurant looking all the live fish in the aquariums, my husband presents me with a Happy Birthday card. Inside was a mushy message plus two $50 gift cards, one was for any store in the mall, and the other for....Bed Bath and Beyond!? I was a little surprised to see the gift card for BBB, but husband knows me well. I can't ever leave that store without buying something, so he might as well pre-pay for the damage. I'll go in for pillowcases and come out with a lazy susan countertop organizer, decorative fake flower arrangements, or splatter guards to put on top of fry pans (hey, the sign said "try me" for $9.99 and I did, and realized that I wasted $9.99, even with the Big Blue 20% off coupon.)

No, I didn't get that Isabella Fiore bag I wanted. ~sigh~. You all didn't think I was actually going to get it, did you? No, we've got bills to pay just like anyone else, but someday when I win the lottery, or my stock in FTO hits the roof, then I might treat myself to it.

Until then, I have some gift cards burning a hole in my wallet. I think I'll buy more MAC makeup with the mall card, and some throw pillows for our bare living room sofas from BBB. Special Note about the Big Blue Bed Bath and Beyond coupons: these never expire, so pick a drawer and hoard them. Or keep them in your glove compartment, so when you are in the parking lot of BBB, you can't say "Oh, I forgot my coupon at home." My husband thinks those Big Blue cards are a marketing gimmick to get people into the store, and he's probably right, but I love getting the "I saved 20%" feeling every time I go there and use them.

The 10 Style Commandments of Posh Spice

"Hello, Glamour? Posh here. I urgently need to write an article in your magazine about how everyone can be as glamorous as me. Yes, you heard me right. I am the shizzle and you bitches can learn alot from me."

Thank heavens Victoria Beckham has finally divulged her secrets of style to us mere mortals. I can't wait to pick up the next issue of Glamour and read on and on about how I too can look like a plastic Barbie doll with bad fashion sense. Okay, now that I got that sarcasm out of my system, I simply refuse dress like Posh. There have been too many instances where she has looked either like a clown or completely fake, or both. She can make even a simple jeans and t-shirt ensemble look bad. The most shock inducing piece in the whole article is that she shops at Gap Kids. Yes, Gap Kids!

"I like buying jumpers from Gap Kids and cutting them up because they're so fitted and can look really cool and Seventies-inspired. I also wear their T-shirts inside out with a pair of my jeans (Victoria designs for Rock & Republic) and a fabulous pair of sunglasses. For me that's a look that just can't go wrong."-Victoria Beckham

I think my fear of vomiting is beginning to disappear now. OMFGawd! Gap Kids???? The same store where my 8 year old niece shops? And what's with wearing the t-shirts INSIDE OUT? Is that a new fashion trend I don't know about?

I won't bore you with the entire list, you can read all about that in detail HERE or in the next issue of Glamour, but here's a little picture show about how Posh is not really listening to her own advice.


Rule #10- It's Fun to Experiment, but follow some Classic Style Must-dos


Like dressing like a hooker for a black tie event? (Please David, when your wife asks you "How do I look?" actually LOOK at her. Don't be like my husband, who won't even look at me and say, "You look great, now let's go, we're getting late!")


Rule #9- Trust in Few Faithful Opinions (Posh says she listens to her mother and sister)

But she's clearly not listening to her mother here. Posh, your mom is telling you that sweater looks like a self-replicating alien fetus. The rest of the outfit looks fine, although I'm not too sure I would wear boots with capris, but that sweater....dayum girl!

Rule #7- Dress From the Inside Out



This rule has nothing to do with wearing t-shirts inside out, but rather focusing on your undergarments. Posh says she relies on Calvin Klein T-shirt bras. Remind me never to buy those, ever. They show nip. I have a bra by Lilyette that has much better padding, and it only cost me $12. I do love her $35,000 Ostrich Leather Kelly bag though. I was about to buy one, but we got a Honda Odyssey instead.


Rule #6- Never Leave the House without Designer Sunglasses (a.k.a. Accessories are the Bare Necessities)

Sorry Vic, those make you look like you're either a fly or about to get a root canal at the dentist. I do agree accessories matter, but I personally don't buy designer sunglasses because I lose them very easily. If I don't lose them, my kids will find them and break them. I stick to the $10 designer-inspired cheapies and save the big bucks for the designer bags (did I mention I love handbags?).

Rule #1- Visualize Your Overall Look, and Then Pull the Pieces Together

What exactly was the "look" you were going for this day, Howdy Doody?

Is Fergie the next Mother Goose?

If you've ever thought you were totally messing this mom thing up, believe me you are not. I, on the other hand, am. I may drive a minivan, but inside I've got Black Eyed Peas pumping so loudly the speakers are about to burst. I can't stand the Wiggles playing in my CD player for more than two songs and can't stand Barney songs. I let my children hear what I want to hear, anything from rap, rock, bhangra, to desi pop. Today, we were sitting at home getting bored and I said to my son, "Let's sing a song, how about Twinkle Twinkle Little Star?" and he's like, "No, I want to sing My Humps and My Bumps." I tried to downplay the comment and said, "No, how about a nursery rhyme like Row Row Your Boat or Mary Had A Little Lamb?" but my son was adamant about My Humps and My Bumps. He said it was his favorite song and it is also the favorite song of his two BFF's (who are also 4 years old). So I just gave up and rolled my eyes in exasperation while he started singing "Whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside that trunk!" I totally get an F in parenting today. I guess I'm going to have to find that Wiggles CD because that's all were going to listen to from now on.

What the FUG?

(click to enlarge)

If you told me this was a street hooker in Paris, I'd believe it. But no, it's Mariah Carey, fugging it up in the most hoochie outfit I've ever seen. She's in Paris right now shooting a video for her single, "Say Somethin". I think her outfit has already said enough. [source]

Judge to Paris: "Stay Away from that Man!"

At first when I saw this story I couldn't believe it was for real. A restraining order? Against Paris Hilton? What is he afraid she' s gonna do to him, give him chlamydia, crabs, and other VD's? Well, now that I'm thinking about it, maybe he does have a reason to be scared of her. Read the full story at CNN by clicking HERE.

Isabella Fiore: Because I deserve it

Isabella Fiore Embellished Leather Hobo in Cream, $875

Every year on my birthday, my husband claims he never knows what to get me. In the past, he has bought me chocolates or sent me to a spa for the day, because that's what he thinks I like. Those things are all good, but I would prefer a gift that is more tangible. A gift that won't disappear after I eat it or after the nail polish from the mani pedi at the spa has chipped away. This year, I want a designer handbag. This stud muffin from Isabella Fiore will do just fine. Whites and creams are in for spring, and this handbag is just the ultimate accessory to complement any outfit.

The skinny bug spreads to Pakistan

"These models look hungry, feed them!"


Just take a look at these models from Bargello Shop modelling the latest in Pakistani fashions. They are all skinny as a rail with no muscle tone. Apparently, this is what most of the girls in Pakistan look like, it's the "ideal look". Pakistani fashion boutiques don't sell Ready-to-Wear fashions in anything larger than a size 10. If you are bigger than a size 10, you need to haul your hefty butt to to a tailor who will custom make clothes for you.

My husband recently went to Pakistan to visit his family, and tried really hard to buy me a shalwar kameez suit from one of the trendy boutiques. Nearly all of them said, sorry we don't carry her size. Only one boutique, Maria B., seemed to empathize and altered their size L shirt to fit me.

Why has it come to this? They might as well hang a sign on their front door that says "Sorry we don't carry fat sizes." Is a size 12 really that big?

To make matters worse, I got a call from my Mom the other day. It started out pretty typical with a "Hi, how are the kids, blah blah blah," then she got to the point and said, "Actually, the real reason I'm calling you is to tell you that you are fat, you are starting to look like an "Auntie"(transalation: a woman as old as your mother whose plump body shows clear evidence she has had kids and didn't do anything to get her body back) and you are too young to look like that yet. You should look like a "larki" ( transalation: young girl with perky everything). You need to get get your body back and join a gym that has babysitting. Find out what the rate is, I'll pay for the membership."

My mother is very blunt (ya think?), but I know deep inside she has good heart with good intentions. She reminds me very much of Joy Behar from "The View". She is of the philosophy, "I'm your mother, if I don't tell you the truth, who will?"

My cousin in Pakistan was like "Why don't you just lose weight? Then you will be able to fit into boutique clothes." Okay, I get the message. I know I've been obsessing a little to much with handbags to avoid the fact that I still haven't lost the baby weight, mainly because I'm too tired and sleep deprived to even think of stepping on an elliptical. When the kids go down for a nap, I feel like napping too. But starting today I'll make an effort to eat right and start exercising. But who will eat my kids leftover mac n' cheese and tater tots? My mother's response, "If you want to lose weight don't be a garbage can." Now this statement, albeit a blunt statement, actually made sense. Thanks Mom for not beating around the bush and telling it like it is. I don't want to look like these models, but I'll be happy to get down to a healthy size 8.

Pedestrians have the right of way, bitch!

I've really got to stop swearing in front of my kids! Today we had another highly caffeinated playdate with the train set at Barnes and Nobles. As we attempted to cross the parking lot from B&N back to our minivan, this woman driving in her car refused to stop for us, even though we were already in the middle of the road. Even though I knew she couldn't hear me, I yelled to the back of her car "Can't you see we're crossing the road bitch?!" My son chimed in, "yeah, you bitch!" followed by "you asshole!" Out came the a-word again, I don't know how to erase this from his vocabulary. Why can't I keep a clamp on my tongue in front of the kids in the first place to keep them from hearing such words?

The woman in the car is long gone now, but I am still so furious. How can you not stop the car when you see a mom, holding the hands of three little children, crossing the road right in front of you? I excused my son's torrets this time, but on the drive home tried to explain how we're not supposed to say bad words. I'm such a hypocrite.

Best Dress

I know tomorrow there are going to be tons of opinions by the fashionistas as to who was a hit and who was a miss, but I think all will agree that Michelle Williams had one of the best dresses of the night. I love how she paired a red lipstick with a mustard yellow dress. The design looks great on her, I can't believe she just had a baby a few months ago. She looks really great for a new mom.

The Dress


The train in the back (I love this!)

photo source: Yahoo Photos

Now that's a necklace!

Kiera Knightly definitely takes the cake for the evening's best bling. That necklace is amazing. It looks like a bejeweled peacock, and I don't mean that in a sarcastic way![photo source]

Blogger Urban Legends

Did you hear about the one where the blogger revealed so much personal information about herself that a psycho killer showed up at her house, and raped and murdered her?

Or the pedophile, that scoured mommy blogs for pictures of little children so he could use them inappropriately, or even worse, kidnap the children?

Stories like this scare the hell out of me and made me a little hesitant about starting a blog in the first place, but we can't let stories like this force us into cocoons and prevent us from writing about what we love. We just need to be careful about how much information we wish to reveal about ourselves while still managing to enjoy communicating with the majority of the good, well-intentioned people in our blogosphere.

I encourage everyone to read this wonderful article written by fellow blogger Darren Rowse. It details his experience with a cyberstalker and how you can protect yourself from having a similar experience happen to you.

Blog Stalkers - Personal Safety for Bloggers

Sick from my own cooking!

Well, the husband finally got back from Pakistan and we are all back home now. I spent the last couple days just unpacking and settling back into the house. My son had been asking me to make him meatloaf and mashed potatoes for dinner because he saw Caillou eat it on TV. I had a feeling he wouldn't like it (extremely picky eater), but I humoured him anyway and made it. I'm not really that good at making meatloaf, the only kind of food I can cook is Pakistani or Italian, or limited American food like roasted chicken with rosemary and thyme, but I tried it using a recipe from a cooking magazine. As expected, the kids didn't even touch the meatloaf, it looked too scary (I must have really f*kd it up) and they only ate the mashed potatoes. The husband didn't touch the meatloaf because an egg was used as an ingredient and he doesn't like food that uses eggs as an ingredient (yet he eats fried eggs, egg salad, pancakes, brownies, and pasta carbonara with no problem! You can see where the kids get their picky eating habits from.)

So I ended up eating a good portion of the meatloaf myself because I didn't want to waste the 1 1/2 pounds of ground beef I spent so much time preparing. Big mistake! I spent all of last night feeling sick. I tried to throw up but couldn't even though I was feeling naseous. My obsessive compulsive fear of vomiting and making a mess of myself probably was a big hinderance. This morning while the husband was getting ready for work, I tried throwing up again, but it wasn't happening. Husband tried to gross me out and couldn't understand why I had such a hard time throwing up, "just make yourself gag, models do it all the time," he said. Um yeah, I'm not a model, and I am so desensitized by my kids vomiting all the time that even the thought of puking is not making me throw up. So now I'm just drinking black tea (milk lessens the effects of the anti-oxidants, so I'm skipping that for now) and I'm eating Saltines until I feel better. I really feel for my kids now when they have the stomach flu. The last thing you want to do it eat food when you're feeling nauseated and all I usually do when the kids are sick is keep asking "do you want to eat something?". I won't do that again. I threw out the meatloaf this morning, it was too gross. It's safe to say this is the last time I will ever attemp to make meatloaf at home. I don't know why I bothered to make it in the first place when I could've just ordered the entire meal from Boston Market, but I was attempting to be a "good mom" who makes homemade food for her kids. Forget it. My kids entire menu of acceptable foods can be found in the freezer section of the grocery store: Stouffer's mac n' cheese, chicken nuggets, fries, pizza, tater tots. The only thing that I can cook at home and know they will eat is pasta (just butter and parmesan cheese please, NO SAUCE!) and Pakistani rice dishes like chicken pilau or mattar pilau. I try to give them variety by cooking different things for them sometimes, but I don't know why I even bother. All I hear is "I don't like this, can I have something else?" all the freaking time. Meanwhile, I get sick from my own cooking!