CHIC MOMMY

Little Ladies with Pierced Ears

2008-02-20T16:59:00.007-05:00

I hadn't planned on getting the twins' ears pierced until they were at least six or seven years old, mainly because that's when I got my ears pierced and I wanted them to remember the experience. Many of us don't think about it much, but ear piercing is a huge rite of passage for little girls. So much so, that the girls had to beg their dad to even let them get pierced. They're only three and a half years old, and surprisingly, they are the only girls in their nursery class who don't have pierced ears, and hence, don't wear earrings. The first couple times they asked me to get it done for them, my husband vetoed the idea, saying once they get their ears pierced, all of the rest of the things that make dads get premature heart attacks are going to follow. He was like, "What's next, makeup? School dances? Why can't we let them be babies for just a little longer?" I could see his point, but in all reality, makeup and school dances are a topic at least 12 years away and aren't the same thing as pierced ears. (As much as I love to play with makeup myself, I'm not going to allow my girls to wear it until they're 15, that's the magic acceptable number I have in my head, and I'm sticking to it.)

Anyway, back to the ear piercing thing. This issue became such a huge deal in our house that we finally started asking some of our friends at what age they got, or allowed, their daughters to get their ears pierced. Can you believe a good majority of them said 6 months? Some as early as 3 months. And yes, we didn't notice it before, but we found that out of our entire circle of friends, our girls were the only ones who didn't have pierced ears! I figured, the baby girls who got their ears pierced at 6 months probably didn't have much say in the matter, but if my girls are asking me for pierced ears themselves, and this is something they really want, why not? It's gotta be done sometime anyway, so why not now?

So off we went to the mall, to our neighborhood Piercing Pagoda, where a team of two technicians made the twins' very first ear piercing the most pleasurable and memorable experience. My husband didn't want to see it happen and hung out at Best Buy instead, so it was just me, the twins, and my son Riz, who was curious and wanted to watch. I propped each girl up to the counter and let her pick out her own earrings. Honeybear chose simple princess cut CZ studs, while Zee chose earrings that looked like little flowers (white zircon middle surrounded by pink zircon "petals"). Great picks for both of them.

I let Honeybear go first, because I know she has a higher tolerance for pain and doesn't cry as easily as Zee. I sat her down on my lap, while the technician used a magic marker to make holes for where the earrings would be punched in. Then I told Honeybear that if she looks straight ahead, a magic bunny is going to pop out from behind the kiosk in front of us, just some random story to distract her from what was about to happen. Then the technicians counted together, "One, two, three" and viola!, they pressed down on their piercing guns and both ears were pierced. Since both ears were pierced at the same time, Honeybear didn't even have time to process the pain, and the next thing you know, the technicians were showing her a mirror and telling her "Look how pretty you look!" and she was just smiling, admiring her new earrings. Cut to Zee, who was standing in front watching the whole thing and was jumping up and down, "Me too! Me too!" The techs did Zee's ears the same way, quickly and efficiently, and I was very surprised that the girls didn't cry one bit. They said it pinched a little, but it didn't hurt after that. Then the techs gave them both lollipops.

It's been a few days since they got their ears done, but they're doing great, and are starting to notice the earrings on other little girls their age more. Whenever they see another little toddler with earrings, they point it out to me and say, "Look, that girl has earrings" followed by "just like me." The husband also seems to be adjusting to the fact that the girls now wear earrings. Like I said, he wasn't too keen on the idea in the beginning, but seeing how happy they are now, he's getting used to it.

In hindsight, I'm actually glad I got it over with. I remember even though my ears were done with a piercing gun, they were done one at a time. So after the first ear was pierced, I realized this kind of hurts!, and got nervous anticipating the pain of the next ear piercing. I would have preferred a simultaneous piercing the like the twins got done. Still, it was better than the way my mom got pierced in Pakistan way back when. She said, back then, there was no Claire's or Piercing Pagoda you went to to get your ears pierced, there were people who used to just walk the streets yelling "Get your ears pierced! I pierce ears! Only X rupees!" You called them into your house, and the guy would just ice the earlobes before shoving a gold earring right through it! One earlobe at a time. Manually. And yes, unlike with a piercing gun, when the earring is shoved right through the earlobe manually, it bleeds like bloody hell. Ouch, can you imagine? I'm so thankful for technological advancement.

Steal the Look: Angelina's Diamond Studs

2008-01-22T17:05:00.000-05:00

I've never owned a pair of diamond studs, but seeing Angelina wear them from everything to a walk in the park to the red carpet makes me wish I had a pair. I've been doing some research on these beauties and it seems Anglina's earrings are most likely a minimum of 4 carats of flawless diamonds set in platinum. Something like that would cost well over $10,000, perhaps even more depending on the quality of the diamond. I don't think I'll ever have the money to get the real deal, especially since all my savings are going to hell in a handbasket in the stock market, but I think I've finally found a faux pair online that would pass for studs just like Angelina's.

4ct Absolute 14K Round Stud Earrings, $45.95

Check these babies out ladies, 4 carats (2 carats per ear) of simulated diamonds set in 14K gold. For me, the 14 K gold setting is key, because my ears are allergic to the nickel/metal plating done on most costume jewelry. I don't care if they're not real diamonds, I just want the sparkle and the look of real ice, without breaking into a rash or going broke. Besides, when Marilyn Monroe said diamonds are a girl's best friend, she didn't say they had to be real diamonds. For me, faux friends will do just fine.

UPDATE:
I actually ordered these, and ended up returning them soon after because I found the size of the studs too big for my ears. There's no question these were beautiful earrings, but I think my earlobes are too small to accommodate 2 carat stones. They ended up looking fake and over the top instead of subtle and glamourous. I think faux studs in the 2 or 3 carat range would have been a better choice.

Angelina pics via Just Jared.

Check Out the $5 Dollar Bling at Amrita Singh

2008-01-16T16:34:00.000-05:00

I love how all the fashions of South Asia have slowly been merging in with Hollywood. First it was the lehnga-style skirts (remember those crinkle skirts from Express in the early 90's?), then the kurtis, the sari-style dresses made popular by J.Lo, and now more recently, the jewelry.

Everything from bangles, pendants, to the chandelier earrings, desi style is in. Wearing lots and lots of bangles on one arm, or both, is one of my favorite fashion trends of the moment, and the designer who I think is bringing us the the most practical way to achieve this look, in the US anyway, is Amrita Singh.

Her costume jewelry line, Bangle Bangle, represents everything I look for in everyday wear jewelry. The style is the perfect blend of east meets west, practical, affordable, and very well-made. And right now, you can get a whole mess of it for only $5 bucks!

Here are some of my fav picks from the $5 sale:

I love this bangle mainly for the color, orange, which is so in right now. The flower detail and the fact it's made of kiddie-proof wood doesn't hurt either. (If you've ever had a flimsy metal bangle or even 22kt gold hoop earrings squeezed into a D-shape by a curious child's hands, you'll know what I'm talking about here.) I really love wood bangles for how practical and durable they are. This is a great piece to add color and interest to any outfit, especially if you're wearing a white t-shirt and jeans.

I like thin bangles like this for layering. The green ones are sold out, but the red ones are still in stock.

Isn't this piece just stunning? This is actually a 3 piece metal bangle set, which you can wear alone, or layer with others. Whichever way you wear it, the sparkle in this is sure grab attention. I could even wear this with my desi clothes. And it's such a steal for only $5 bucks!

There's a few other pieces I'm eyeing at Amrita Singh too, mainly this beautiful wood cuff:

Scalloped Edge Bangle, $24

and this stack of bangles.

11 Piece Bangle Set with White Stones,$30

It's a tough choice choosing between the gold and silver bangles in this design, but I think silver is the more wearable color for me. It's better for casual, everyday wear.

photo source: drew barrymore, shopamritasingh.com

Cruisin' With My Homies

2008-01-16T15:18:00.000-05:00

Again, sorry for the much overdue update, but we just got back from a much needed, and quite possibly the best vacation I've ever taken in my life, a week long trip to the Bahamas on a Disney Cruise. This was our first time on a cruise, and I'm glad we chose the Disney line over any other. We were looking for a family-friendly cruise, and Disney definitely fit the bill in every way. Plus, the kids loved it too because they got to interact with characters and themes they were already familiar with and adore. (The girls are gaga over Disney Princesses and my son loves anything to do with Playhouse Disney). We had done the Disney World tour thing in Orlando last year for vacation, and although we all really enjoyed walking around the parks and seeing the shows, we were exhausted by the end of the trip. Standing in long lines all day for 3 minute rides, bathrooms, food, etc.. really zapped the energy out of us. This year we decided to try something different by going on a cruise, and I'm glad we did because it was the first time we went on a vacation and all of us actually got to relax and have fun.

I think the best part of the vacation, aside that I didn't have to cook or do laundry for an entire week, was that I didn't have to watch the kids for a good part of each day. All of them were enrolled in The Oceaneers Club, a playgroup for kids ages 3-7, where they got to hang out with children their own age, make crafts, dance, play, and meet the Disney characters face to face, even the girls' favorite, Belle! The Oceaneers Club was such a fun place to be, the kids would beg us to drop them off after breakfast each morning, and usher us to just "Go! Go!" after they got signed in. The supervisors were great, and even hooked me up with a pager in case somebody wanted to be picked up early, but that rarely happened. The staff in the Club took care of everything, from making sure they ate their lunch and dinner, to reading them a story before naptime, and most importantly, making sure everyone took frequent bathroom breaks. It was perfect, and just the kind of break all of us were looking for.

I'd like to say that with my kid-free time on the ship, I went to the ship's spa and got one of those fancy stone massage treatments, but they were damn expensive, so I didn't. Instead, I used my free time to do a little shopping on the island with the husband, eat, drink, and roam around aimlessly. It was the best fun ever.

Now we're back, about 5 lbs. heavier from overindulging in all the awesome food onboard, and slowly settling back into our normal routines. I spend a good part of last week helping my son catch up with all the homework he'd missed in kindergarten. Who knew kindergarteners had so much work to do? And you know, the homework really is for me. If I don't keep track of all his assignments and make sure he gets them done, it's me who gets in trouble with the teacher, not him, because I'm the one who the assignments are given to. I'm usually up-to-date with all his homework, but with all the hustle and bustle over the holidays, I came this close to completely forgetting about his Flat Stanley project. Luckily, I had left a giant Post-it note on the fridge with the words "Don't Forget To Mail Flat Stanley!" to remind me. My original plan was to take Stanley with us to the Bahamas and mail him from there, but he was accidentally left home alone. When I got back, I overnighted the paper dude to my sister in Pennsylvania with a note to please send him back to school with a picture of a tourist attraction in PA. It's so crazy. My son, all he did was color Stanley in rainbow colors and bring him home with the instructions. I'm the one doing all the work, and yet I'm taking a most unusual interest in it. I hope I..... I mean, my son gets an A.

Happy Holidays!

2007-12-25T20:35:00.000-05:00

Whether you're celebrating Eid, Hannukah, Christmas, Kwaanza, or Festivus for the Rest of Us this holiday season, here's to wishing you all have a good one. We've been busy having our family over and the kids have been having loads of fun with their cousins. It's so cute to watch them play with each other. The girls have all been up in the twins' room playing dress up, while the boys have been having a non-stop Wii playing marathon. This Wii thing is amazing, I get to play too when the kids take a break from it. You may not know this, but I used to be quite the Nintendo expert when I was younger. I played so much Nintendo, I could solve Mario and Legend of Zelda blindfolded. (Yes, I had no life outside of school.) But now, everything is super advanced and I'm finding it much harder to get through the Mario game on the Wii. My five year old can figure it out better than I can. The husband, meanwhile, has a preference for the Sony Playstation, and has been playing some game called Assasin's Creed downstairs in the basement with his brother. I can't even begin to understand the Playstation, and judging by the amount of gore in the game, I don't really want to right now, but it's fun to watch him play. The graphics are so real, it's like watching a movie unfold before your very eyes, with you in the director's seat. Suffice it to say, our holiday weekend so far has been full of gaming. Tomorrow, when the malls open, we'll try to get out of the house a little more.

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year! And don't forget to check out this video greeting by Jib Jab highlighting the biggest headlines in pop culture for 2007.

Don't send a lame Holiday eCard. Try JibJab Sendables!

Testing.....Testing....I'm still here...

2007-11-26T17:30:00.000-05:00

No, I didn't run away (yet), I'm still here. Sorry it's been so long since I last updated. I think you all probably guessed I've been extra busy with the kids. It's really hard managing them at this age because they're old enough to voice their opinions and fight with each other, but not old enough to go to school for a full-day. I actually did start a search over the summer for a part-time babysitter to help me out a few times a week, but I stopped after I realized everyone was charging the same exorbitant rate: $25 an hour to watch three potty-trained, self-feeding toddlers. Umm yeah, that's so not gonna happen. I'd rather put on a Disney movie on the tv and go hide in my closet for a while to get some "me-time" than pay someone $25 an hour to watch them. [In fact, that's what I'm doing right now ;)] I went through pre-screened, reputable nanny agencies to save myself the trouble of doing the background checks myself, so I'm wondering if that's why the rates were so high. I didn't expect to pay more than $10 an hour, because after all, the job I need the sitter to do only entails watching a movie with the kids, playing with them, serving them dinner, and making sure they brush their teeth and go to the bathroom before tucking them into bed. I don't believe it should cost more than $10 to do that, and if it does... hey, I should start working as a babysitter myself and start making some money. What's a few more kids, if I'm getting paid money like that to watch them?

My friends keep telling me to put up an ad in the local high school for a babysitter, so I'm going to check there next. I just have to get over my trepidation about hiring a high schooler to watch my kids. My parents did that when we were young, and the babysitter ended up having a schnapps party with her friends after my parents left. Even her boyfriend came over. My parents were so furious when they found out, they refused to leave us alone with a sitter until I turned 15, when I became the official babysitter for my little brother and sister. I think they gave me $5 for the whole time they were out for the night, child labor was cheap back then.

Other than that, we had a pretty low-key Thanksgiving. My parents are touring the world these days and were out of town, so we ended up going to Philly to show the kids historical landmarks and such. They didn't really care about Independence Hall or the Liberty Bell, but they sure did enjoy the Please Touch Museum. The museum was hands down their favorite part of the whole trip, I don't know why we wasted our time at the other stops. For once, they could touch everything, and it felt good not to have to tell them "No... don't touch" or "You can't......" Plus, there's a pizza place that serves authentic Philly cheesesteaks right across the street when it's time for lunch, so it was an ideal place to take the family.

I want to write more, but my time is running out, I hear a fight breaking out downstairs, but before I go, I have to tell you I met THE Clinton Kelly, of "What Not to Wear" at Macy's. I didn't get to speak to him or ask him my fashion disaster question, mainly because I looked like a totally grungy "Before" when I went to the mall that day, but I did get to hear him speak. The focus of his workshop was style tips for Petites and Moms, both of which applied to me, I'll let you know more about it in my next post.

Hope ya'll had a Happy Thanksgiving!

When Bed Hoppers Attack

2007-11-06T12:39:00.000-05:00

To say I'm exhausted and tired of being a mom would be an understatement. I'm so tired of this 24/7-thankless-cleaning-mess-all-day job, I wish I could run away for a few days like Ashley Judd did in the "Ya Ya Sisterhood" movie and sleep in a hotel with no phone, no computer, no communication with the outside world. There is just always something to clean around here. Always. And I want to get away from it.

Yesterday, I did eight loads of laundry and washed the waterproof mattress pads and bedsheets for every bed in the house except the guest room bed. All because my youngest, who I now call The Bed Hopper, came into my room at 4 am and peed all over my bed. Under normal circumstances, this would not have warranted washing four beds, but of course, everything that happens to me seems to happen exponentially. In her attempt to find a drier place to sleep, she wound up leaving pee stains on every bed in the house, I think she even peed on her brother because he woke me up in the morning wondering why his clothes felt damp when he swears he didn't have an accident. The Bed Hopper didn't try to hide it at all, in fact, she confessed first thing in the morning saying, "Accidents happen. Can you give me a bubble bath?" I ended up having to give all three of them a bath because everyone had been tainted by The Bed Hopper's pee.

It took me all day to wash and change the beds, in addition to doing all the other laundry I had been procrastinating. I got done around 10 pm last night, watched Fantastic Four on DVD (the highlight of my day), and went to bed only to wake up to another round of chaos. It just doesn't end. Most of this morning was spent arguing with the kids about why they can't wear summer clothes to school anymore (because it's freezing outside, that's why!), dressing them, trying to make them eat at least a graham cracker before going to their 2-hour schools, and trying to find my damn cell phone. I didn't even notice my cell phone was missing until I got in the car to take the kids to school. I was so furious, we were already running late and now this. But I had to find my phone because I never drive without it. I finally found it under my bed after calling it five times and playing Follow the Ringtone around the house. Thank goodness the phone was switched to "ON" when it was lost.

Today, I'm just tired. I wanted to come here and write about something a little less whiney, but I just couldn't muster anything else. I hate that the kids don't nap anymore, and when I ask them to do something, like clean up the mess they just made, they act like they didn't even hear me. I could be yelling at them with a megaphone and they still wouldn't hear me. I have to repeat myself over and over again just to be heard. I'm trying hard to keep it together and "enjoy this time" like all the older mothers I run in to keep telling me, but I'm finding it hard to do when most of my day is spent cleaning up after them. One mess after another. The only reason I'm even enjoying this blissful moment to complain is because I'm letting the twins TP (toilet paper) the family room. And spread goldfish crackers all over the carpet. It's worth it though, because I figure vacuuming crackers and picking up tp shreds is a piece of cake compared to doing a mountain of laundry.

Would You Like Astroglide With That?

2007-10-23T22:56:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how much useless, but interesting, trivia I've acquired by reading old magazines in the bathroom. My most recent find is discovering that the concoction known as Cool Whip, one of my favorite dessert toppings since childhood, is actually just one step up from eating condom lube. Gross, and here all this time I thought it was a version of real whipped cream. I've even eaten it on it's own right out of the box with a big spoon!

According to the article in the April 2007 issue of Wired magazine (yeah, the magazine's been sitting in the bathroom that long!) Cool Whip is nothing but air, water, and sugar, rolled in with wax (yummy!), and a lubricant called Polysorbate 60, better known as a sexual lubricant and a key ingredient in Astroglide.

What else is in there besides this? Here's a list of the main ingredients in Cool Whip, as detailed in the article:

Water

Natural and Artificial Flavorings (more artificial than natural, I'm guessing)

Corn Syrup and High-Fructose Corn Syrup (refined sugars guaranteed to make you fat)

Hydrogenated Coconut and Palm Kernel Oil (trans fats, not good for you)

Polysorbate 60 (hello astroglide)

Sodium Caseinate (a milk protein found in non-dairy creamers, not real cream)

Sorbitan Monostearate (sometimes used as a hemorrhoid cream)

Xanthan and Guar Gums (to keep it fluffy, like it was just whipped fresh when it really wasn't)

Umm, yeah. Aside from the water, not one ingredient on this list is something I'd like to consume on it's own, especially the hemorrhoid cream part. Ewww. I kind of regret having this newfound knowledge of Cool Whip, ignorance was bliss. Now that I know what it can double for, I'm going to have second thoughts before I ever make that "Pudding in a Cloud" recipe again. I think I'll just stick with Reddi Wip from now on. Even though Reddi Wip comes out of an aerosol can, at least it's made out of real cream.

photo credit: Thomas Hannich, Wired Magazine

A Rant about Abercrombie and Fitch

2007-10-14T01:18:00.000-04:00

If there's one store I absolutely loathe at the mall, it's hands down Abercrombie and Fitch. What is up with this crazy store? The one in my mall has all the faux windows boarded up and darkened from all sides, and plays music so loud you'd think there was a night club in there. What irks me the most is the pictures of all the nekkid teenage boys wearing unbuttoned shirts (or no shirts at all) exposing their hairless chests. That just seems inappropriate on so many levels. And don't even get me started on those low-rise jeans the models barely wear, jeans hung so low, they looks like they're about to fall off. Can this store scream "gay teen pron" any louder?

I know alot of teens think this store, and it's bastard son Hollister, are the shiznit, but I for one think the clothes at A+F suck. Point blank, the jeans look like they've been shot at with a rifle and all the shirts are frayed and worn looking. The price they charge for these rags is ridiculous too. I mean, who in their right mind thinks a pair of jeans that look like this are worth $80 bucks? I could get two pairs of jeans for this price that are far better looking at American Eagle.

Update:

So I finally found out what that smell is inside the stores. I walked up to a humor tee-wearing cargo pant-clad coed at the store this weekend and just asked him, "Excuse me, what is this smell in the store?"

"It's fierce." he replied.

I didn't know whether this was an adjective or a noun. Fierce?

Afraid of appearing not in the know, I used a little tact and asked, "How can I make my house smell like this?"

He still looked at me a little weird, but pointed me to the right direction. Fierce, I discovered, is the name of their cologne for the hardcore A+F man. The sales pitch for it goes like this:

"FIERCE's scent is an immediate attention getter and rightly so. Its fresh citrus aroma is the first aspect she'll notice because of its clean, poised attitude. However, it's FIERCE's warm musky subtleness that will naturally draw her curiosity because of its seductive nature."

Seductive? Yeah, right. It makes me wanna hurl.

The Budda Call

2007-10-11T16:21:00.000-04:00

This is a video you just have to hear. Priceless.

I'm Drowning in Paperwork

2007-10-11T15:10:00.001-04:00

Gosh, these PTA solicitations are just not slowing down. I'm beginning to think the school is strapped for cash, I'm averaging two different fundraising notices a day. It's not just about selling stuff anymore, now they're throwing all kinds of parties (Hallween, square dancing, etc..) and they want the parents to pay the cover charge. I haven't attended any of their meetings yet, but given the wave of requests for money that I've gotten before we've even met, I think I'm not going to join. I'm afraid of getting jacked at the meetings.

pic via

Drama at the Bus Stop

2007-10-03T23:35:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you don't need to go looking for drama. Sometimes, it comes straight to you, at about 30 mph in a blue Mercedes. Yup, it's time to talk about my freaky neighbor again, Mrs. Gellar.

Get this, it was 80 degrees outside and humid when I was waiting at the bus stop this morning with my kids, Ross, Ross's nanny, and a few other moms and children from the neighborhood. I had dressed my son in just a t-shirt and jeans, appropriate clothing for weather like this. Most of the other children were wearing similar clothing, but not Ross. Poor guy was wearing a t-shirt, a sweater vest, and another long sleeved t-shirt over the sweater vest, with corduroy pants. Alot of clothes for a day that was only going to get hotter, don't you think?

Before I go on, to make a long story short, I got to know Ross and his nanny really well over the summer. I found out that the poor old lady is working as a live-in nanny to avoid being a burden to her children, and Ross is actually a pretty nice kid. We, meaning me and the nanny, often have playdates in my backyard when Mrs. Gellar is at work. Secretive, yes, but it's all good, and the kids have become great friends.

Anyway, I asked the nanny why Ross was wearing so many layers, isn't he going to get overheated?

She told me that his mother demands he wear all these layers to school everyday, because she's always cold herself. (I think my new nickname for Mrs. Gellar is going to be "Ice Queen" from now on.) The nanny said that she's actually thankful that the Ice Queen allows her to dress Ross in layers, because Ross can take the layers off once he gets to school. But he has to put them all on before he gets on the bus to go home, because if his mother happens to be home and catches him without his layers, he's toast and the nanny gets an earful.

Anyway, next thing you know Ice Queen is speeding down the road towards the bus stop in her blue Mercedes. The nanny sighs and says, "Oh, no!"

Ice Queen pulls up to the curb and yells to Ross, "Ross, get over here! NOW!!!"

The nanny replies, "Madam, I put his spring jacket in his backpack because..."

"You stay out of this!" the Ice Queen shouted, as Ross started walking towards the car. Make that running towards the car.

Ice Queen opened the door, and then THREW a winter coat at him!

"Wear it!" she screamed, and then sped off around the corner.

I couldn't believe what I had just seen. All the other mothers couldn't believe it either. The nanny shook her head and said, "This is what I have to put up with everyday, she's just temperamental." I think the word 'temperamental' was a little too kind. I believe the term 'fucking nuts' would be a little more accurate.

The other moms and I asked Ross if he was okay, and he said, "Yes, my mom just wanted to give me my jacket," after which the nanny ushered him to keep the jacket on until he got on the bus, because the Ice Queen was known to take a drive around the block and come back to check if he was still wearing it. This was obviously not the first time she had done this, as I learned from the other moms, but since I'm a newbie to the neighborhood bus stop scene, it was new to me.

Lucky for Ross, the bus arrived before Ice Queen did, and he got on with my son and the other children to the safety of school. As I walked back home with the nanny, I lent her an ear while she told me about how hard it is to be a nanny at her age, but she has no choice. She wants to be independent in her old age and doesn't want to have to live with her kids, or in a nursing home. But, she gets paid well to take the abuse, so she's dealing with it.

Cut to..... the screeching sound of a car behind the corner. Ice Queen was back! The nanny scurried home to face the music while I went back into the house with the twins. I was running as if I was the one in trouble, but it was actually the poor old nanny. All for trying to keep her little charge from overheating in the humidity.

I know no mother is perfect and we've all wigged out on our kids at some point (or several times a week) but in public, at the bus stop, where the entire neighborhood is watching? All because you wanted your kid to wear a winter coat in 80 degree weather? I don't even think PMS could justify that.

I'm Tired of PTA Soliciation Letters

2007-09-28T11:03:00.000-04:00

Every time I open my son's backpack after school, I find a new request for solicitation from his school's PTA.

"Hello, we're selling_________to raise money for our school. Won't you please help us out and go door-to-door with your child and sell________? Thanks so much! We won't be able to provide your kids with all the benefits he/she receives at school without your financial support."

Yeah, like I have nothing better to do than to go door to door to sell pecans (or magazines, or coupon books, or whatever it is they're selling this week).

And then there's the requests from the teachers themselves to sort out my garbage before I throw it away. Yup, they are in dire need of bottle caps, empty toilet paper rolls and coffee tins etc... to make art projects. So before I throw anything out, I have to stop and think, "Can this be recycled into a work of art?"

And here I thought the opening of school would give me "break". Instead, I've just been given more work to do. I can manage the recyclable art materials bit, but this selling door-to-door business is not for me, nor do I have time to throw dinner parties (as they suggest) to have people come over to my house and place orders for pecans. I have a feeling I'm going to get on the PTA shit list for not participating, but I don't care. We pay some of the highest school taxes in the entire state, I think that should be contribution enough.

So Hot for Fall, the Bebe Trench

2007-09-23T18:00:00.000-04:00

I saw this trench over at Bebe a few weeks ago, and regret not purchasing it when I had the chance. They were having a special sale on it for $98, but as usual, I spent too much time contemplating the purchase and missed out on the deal. The main reason I was ambivalent about getting this was because I didn't think I would wear it much, or it would be too hard to maintain. I mean, my everyday clothes are more of the "machine washable" variety like jeans and t-shirts. Where exactly would I go wearing a trench and jeans outfit like this? A playdate? The park? Uh, no. That's not exactly how I roll.

But it's so cute, and of course, now I can think of nothing else but owning this. This will always come in handy to wear on those days I need to look a little more polished but have no idea what to wear. It's such a simple outfit to put together, and I like how it looks both dressy and casual at the same time.

The trenches at Bebe comes in several varieties, such as pleated, double-breasted, etc.. but I personally like this style shown here, because it's single-breasted. If you're top heavy like me, stick with the single breasted trenches like this, they're more slimming and minimize your bozangas. This Belted Trench, and others like it, are currently available at Bebe for $129.

I have seen the Anti-Christ and his name is Muno!

2007-09-22T02:30:00.000-04:00

My kids are crazy for this new show Yo Gabba Gabba, and I've gotta admit, I really like it too. The music is hip and my kids love dancing along to the songs. At times, the show reminds me slightly of a Hampshire College rave from the 90's, but I won't tell my kids that just yet.

However, there is one character on this show I find particularly creepy: the red cyclops named Muno. Why? Because I believe he is a symbol of the occult.

Just look at him. Doesn't he just scream "OMEN"? He's red, like the devil, and he's got one eye in the middle of his forehead, just like the "dajjal"/anti-christ is theoretically supposed to have. And then there's the name of this character itself, "Muno". Did you know Muno is a city in Belgium notorious for the Castle of Darkness, where demonic rituals against children are reported to have taken place? (Google it for yourself, if you want to get freaked out.) Seriously, I didn't even know about this whole Castle of Darkness shit until I googled the words "Muno is the anti-christ", and well....what do ya know, Castle of Darkness and devil worship links appeared, further confirming my suspicion that this freaky red cyclops is indeed the anti-christ personified.

I know it sounds silly and conspiracy theor-ish, but the similarities between the Yo Gabba Gabba "Muno" and the symbols of the occult appear too close for comfort. Especially that eye of his, it's eerily similar to the notorius "all-seeing" eye of Satan printed on the back of every U.S. dollar bill, you know, the one hovering over the pyramid announcing the "Birth of the New World Order". It's beyond creepy.

photo via funnygarbage.com

The Consequences of Insomnia

2007-06-27T13:34:00.000-04:00

What do people do when they can't sleep and watch TV late at night? They end up watching infomercials.

And for some reason, the 12 AM - 3 AM time slot is full of nothing but infomercials about fitness products. Have marketers determined there is some direct correlation between overweight people and late night TV watching?

I don't know for sure, all I do know is that I was one of them last night. And I ended up buying this.

I hope I don't regret it like the other 10 products collecting dust in my basement.

cartoon via stumptuous.com

Meet the iLover

2007-06-26T16:50:00.000-04:00

What more could you ask from Steve Jobs after getting an iMac, iPod, and iPhone?

Why, an iLover of course.

I like how he says, "The battery lasts 8 hours....for all you freaks." :) LOL!

Oh and uh, one more thing: In case you didn't know, that's not really Steve Jobs, it's the guy who plays "Office Jesus" on Attack of the Show . iLove that show!

Clinique's New Lip Glosses are Like Botox in a Tube

2007-06-25T21:13:00.000-04:00

I first heard about Clinique Full Potential Plump and Shine lip gloss over at Beauty Marked, a super site for beauty news. According to Clinique, these glosses not only make your lips look plumper, but also, if you use the gloss consistently over a period of a couple months, your lips will actually become (or appear) more smooth and plump on their own, with or without the gloss on. It's like getting the effects of Botox without the cost and painful injections.

It's all the rage in Hollywood right now, and every celeb has a favorite shade picked out. Nicky Hilton and Rosario Dawson have nabbed Cherry Bomb, a golden pink, as their favorite shade, while Michelle Trachtenberg (a.k.a "The Key") went for a deeper shade with Voluptuous Violet. New mom of twins Marcia Cross picked Glamour-Full, a gingersnap shade to complement her red hair.

After seeing all these celebrities endorse these glosses, of course I had to check these out for myself. The colors are all made to suit any skin tone , you can't really pick a wrong shade here. My favorite of the bunch is Braisin, a gorgeous blend of bronze and raisin colors. It's perfect for summer and I love how easily it makes me look awake (which by itself, is a difficult task these days). I don't even need a lipliner or any other lipstick underneath it, I just swipe it on, put on blush and mascara, and I'm ready in two minutes. If you're a fan of plum lip colors, you've got to try this shade.

Now, the test. Does it really make your lips look plumper? Well, for the first 10 mintues, it feels like you're wearing Blistex or Burt's Bees balm on your lips, there's a light tingling feeling you get from it. To be more accurate, it's the feeling you get after eating really spicy chili peppers (been there, done that, the food was so worth the pain). Then the tingling disappears and your lips swell up, making you look like a smooth lip gloss diva.

The magic is over once you wash it off with soap and water. So far, I haven't used it long enough to see if it will make my natural lips look like Angelina Jolie's, but for the time you wear it, it does make your lips appear to be big and glossy. Check it out at Nordstrom for $17.50.

He's All Growed Up

2007-06-19T17:21:00.000-04:00

My son graduated from preschool last week. It was a cute, and very informal ceremony. The children made their own hats out of construction paper and prepared a few songs and dances for us to hear before the main event began, the handing out of diplomas.

One by one, each child walked up to the teacher to receive their diploma, and then posed with the teacher so their parents could get a picture of this momentous occasion. Everything was going fine until I saw Johnny's mom turn around after she snapped a picture of her little darling. Her eyes were all red, and she was in tears!

Gosh, I thought, why is she crying? It's just a preschool graduation. It's not like, his wedding.

Then it hit me.

My BABY is graduating from PRESCHOOL!

The same baby I brought home five years ago. The one I had no clue how to take care of, how to feed, how to change. Scared of the responsibility that was suddenly thrust upon me because I didn't think I was competent enough to even raise a plant. And now, there he was, wearing a graduation cap he made himself out of construction paper, happy, smiling, and singing a song about growing up and going to kindergarten. Part of me was patting myself on the back for having made it this far without screwing him up, and the other half was wondering, where did the time go?

Suddenly, I saw all of my son's next big graduations flash before my eyes. Kindergarten, Grade School, High School, then College....this preschool graduation really WAS a big deal. It marked the beginning of my son growing up and eventually leaving home.

I looked around the room and realized not only was I holding back the tears, all the other moms (and a few dads too) started sniffling and dabbing their eyes too. Johnny's mom, why did you have to remind us how important this day was??? And when did my colicky baby grow up to be a happy little boy? Is there a "pause", "rewind", and "slow motion" button I can press somewhere to remember how this happened?

Angelina Jolie Wore a $26 Dress to a Movie Premiere

2007-06-14T20:17:00.000-04:00

Check this out. Angelina Jolie wore a $26 dollar dress to the premiere of "A Mighty Heart". I've nabbed a few good shopping deals in the past, but never one this good. How lucky is this hot mama? She gets the perfect man and the perfect bargains.

photo via Just Jared

Pretty in Pinks

2007-06-14T20:00:00.000-04:00

Rosario's not wearing a lot of makeup here, but still manages to look party perfect with light shades of pink. Steal the look by using the following colors:

MAC Pink Apertif lipstick topped with MAC's Lusterglass in Little Vi.

MAC Breath of Plum blush

MAC Jest and Vanilla eyeshadows

photo via

Katie Leads With a New Do

2007-06-14T19:55:00.000-04:00

It's nice seeing Katie lead Tom for a change. Usually it's the other way around.

photo via US Weekly

Steal Katrina Kaif's Look

2007-06-14T19:50:00.000-04:00

Okay Saniya, this one's especially for you. After looking through several photos of Bollywood stars, this one popped out as a well polished look for a night out. And it helped that I could also find a close-up of the look.

Eyes
All eyeshadows are by MAC. Use Electra all over lids, and Scene in the crease. Vanilla to highlight. It looks like she's got liquid liner going on the top lashline too, but honestly, I've found it easier to use Smashbox Creme Liner in Caviar. Once you've drawn the line on top, you tap it into the lower lashes as well to balance out the eyes. If you want, once you've lined with the creme liner, you can trace over the line on the upper lashes with a liquid liner. The one I like the best is Lancome's Precision Point ARTLINER ($27.00). It's like using a fine point Sharpie to line your eyes, and it's much easier to use than those feathery wand type things you have to dip in a tube and carefully draw over your lashes. I hated those things. I always ended up drawing the line too big or too crooked. Oh, and top ONLY the upper lashes with MAC Prolash Mascara, the best hands down mascara I've ever used. Putting mascara on lower lashes is unnecessary if you've already lined them with eyeliner.

Lips
MAC Taupe Lipstick (this is a staple shade among Bollywood actresses), topped with Luxuriate Tinted Lipglass. Lipliner is optional, depending on how pigmented your lips are, but I think it's nice to use one just to seal in the color and get that creamy-glossy look you see here. If you're on the fair side, use MAC Spice Lipliner, if you have a little more tan and color to your skin, use MAC Half-Red Lipliner.

Cheeks
MAC Blush in Pinch Me. In addition to a blush, add a luminizer to highlight the apples of the cheeks. Try the "Icy" shade from the Laura Gellar Beauty Dews ($21.50) face palette (this is a good buy, because it gives you three color options in one kit, all for around $20 bucks).

Katrina pics via SantaBanta.com

Abhishek Needs to Drop the Lip Biting

2007-06-14T19:45:00.000-04:00

Aishwarya's new husband, Abhishek Bachchan, has a terrible habit of biting his lip when he dances or grooves to music. It drives me nuts. Even Will Smith in the movie Hitch said doing the lip biting thing is just not cool.

Here's Abhisheks's most recent offense at the 2007 IIFA awards.

Oh no!

....and again!

Who knows how many more times he did it, I didn't watch the show and this is all I could gather from the pictures. But if you really want to see how unnerving it is, take a look at what he does in this Motorola commercial. Focus on his face near the end, ewww....please, somebody make him stop!

photos via santabanta.com

Celina Jaitley Scares Me

2007-06-14T19:43:00.000-04:00

Her message is serious, and her outfit is fierce. And if you stare at her face long enough, she just may possess you. Right through your computer screen. No really, it's been known to happen.

photo via santabanta.com

I See Myself in.....Black Leather

2007-06-07T20:30:00.000-04:00

I've been wanting to color my hair jet black like Salma Hayek's for a long time. For years, every time I've gotten my hair colored or highlighted, it's been for a shade lighter than my natural dark brown hair. I've had caramel highlights, red highlights, I even had it colored J.Lo blonde once with disastrous results. I don't know how the Beyonces and J.Lo's pull the "tan skin with blonde hair" look off, I can't do it.

But black I can do. I asked my hair stylist just how much it would cost to get a pro dye job to match Salma's jet black hue, and nearly fainted hearing the cost. It was way over my budget. Then she leaned in and whispered in my ear, "But you could get the same results for $9.99 using a box of Loreal Feria in Black Leather." This is why I love my stylist, she's always got a cheap style tip up her sleeve.

So $9.99 later, I got my hair color from CVS. The application was a little drippy, and I permanently stained my bath mats with spots of black dye, but after two days, the color finally came through in my hair. This stuff really works, and most of all, it's made my hair less dull and more shiny in appearance.

I'm still a little fascinated with playing around with different shades of brown though. I think once this color wears off, I'm going to try the shade Keri Washington wears, Espresso. For under $10 bucks, it's cheap enough to try without breaking the bank. Although next time, I'm going to remember to cover my bath mats with some newspaper. The dye may be cheap, but the mats, not so much.

photo via

Karma's a Bitch

2007-05-30T02:00:00.000-04:00

We had a big wedding in the family this weekend. It was for a relative I had never met and will probably never see again, which makes what I'm about to tell you so much better than if this was someone I actually knew well. Before my parents came over to my house, my mom had called to ask me if I had a gift for the happy couple. I told her I was going to give them an ivory Lenox picture frame someone had given me a long time back. (Don't judge! I kept it in great condition in the original packing in the "regift" section of my linen closet.) She said, "Hmmm, why don't you save that for another wedding? I've got something nicer. Don't worry about the gift, I'll bring one for you."

Guess what she brought? A crystal vase. A giant one. In a giant gift bag that looked like it had seen at least one other home before it landed in mine.

Clearly, my mom just wanted to get rid of that thing. There was nothing wrong with the picture frame I was going to give, but it definitely took up less space than that giant vase someone gave my mother. I asked my mom why she wasn't giving the vase herself and she said, "Because I know them better than you do. You can give this gift, I can't. I have to give them jewelry." Great, she was giving the bride an elegant jewelry set, and I was giving them a useless vase. Oh well, I thought, at least it'll be out of my hands soon.

Now here's the best part. In our hustle and bustle to get to the reception on time, I forgot to take the crystal vase with me to the wedding. No big loss for the bride and groom. I'm sure they won't even notice that the relative they never met didn't give them another piece of crystal to add to their collection. It's me who is the unlucky one. I can't exactly go over to the bride's house now and say, "Hey, remember me, your long lost aunt who you never met until your wedding day? Well, I forgot to give you this obviously regifted crystal vase!" That would just be even more tacky than regifting the crystal itself.... not that there's anything wrong with that!

Now, not only am I stuck with a Lenox picture frame waiting in queue for regifting, I've got a giant-ass crystal vase sitting in my house (which my mom, by the way, conveniently "forgot" to take back with her. She regifted this crap to me!). To top it off, this was the last wedding I was going to attend this summer so I'm stuck with this thing until at least November, when the winter wedding season kicks in.

I think this is cosmic payback for all those years of regifting crystal to unsuspecting newlyweds. Bad karma finally caught up with me.

Cool Sale on Clear Baubles at Bluefly

2007-05-26T01:48:00.001-04:00

I was happy to discover that Bluefly.com finally has lucite and other crystal clear jewelry in stock and on sale. Ever since I saw Vanessa Williams wear this clear chunky necklace on Ugly Betty, I wanted to get one of my own. I checked out several online stores at the time, but anything that resembled this item was way over my budget.

Luckily, thanks to post-season discounts, not anymore. With the sale going on at Bluefly, I think I'm finally going to scoop this piece up. This necklace by Viktoria Hayman seems to resemble the one Vanessa's wearing in the above screen shot, and it's only $63! I think with shipping it will probably set me back $70, but it's still a great deal for jewelry like this.

Ugly Betty photo via ABC.com

A Disappointing View

2007-05-25T00:00:00.000-04:00

I was eating pancakes with the twins last Wednesday when I accidentally became witness to the biggest bitch fight ever to be seen on live television. We all knew a fight like this was coming when Rosie was first hired to co-host The View last fall, we just didn't know when.

Man, was it a show down and it took me completely by surprise. I thought it was going to be another usual show with the ladies talking about American Idol (that's all anyone talks about these days), but it started to take a different course when Joy pulled out a long list of the top reasons why George W. Bush is the worst president in history. As Joy was trying to read her list, that damn Republican half-brained twit Elizabitch just would not shut up. She kept interrupting, wouldn't let Joy finish or speak, she looked like a time bomb waiting to go off. How dare Joy insult her favorite person in the whole wide world??? Doesn't she know Elizabeth kisses Dubya's picture every night and tucks it under her pillow before she goes to sleep? Then, all it took was for Rosie to ask, "Do you believe I think the troops are terrorists?" and Elizabeth lost it. She never answered the question but instead started talking nonsense like, "Poor little Elizabeth is not poor little Elizabeth." WTF? Joy's list was forgotten, and now Elizabeth and Rosie were fighting about Elizabeth not being the true friend she claimed to be.

I know I'm probably in the minority when I say this, but I think Rosie showed more composure, and more maturity, than Elizabeth. Elizabeth has no manners, she cuts people off when they are trying to speak, finger points and low balls with comments that have nothing to do with the argument. She doesn't let others complete their sentences, yet demands that everyone let her speak. Stupid biotch, if there was anyone who should have quit the show it should have been Elizabeth, not Rosie. So what Rosie's outspoken, I admire her for it, she challenges people to think differently, and doesn't blindly believe what is fed to her by the gov't controlled media outlets.

Let me make it clear, it didn't bother me that Elizabeth had a different viewpoint and was so staunchly defending the Iraq war, (maybe a little, but not a lot) it was the fact that she wasn't fighting fair. If you see the video clip of the fight, you can see at one point, Rosie is holding back tears in her eyes and is about to cry. That's not right. If Elizabeth really is the friend she claims to be, she should have stopped and showed some restraint, but she kept right on going with the insults.

Now that Rosie's decided to leave due to the fight, I think the ratings on The View are going to plummet. The only person left on the show that I like to watch is Joy. I might still tune in to watch her, but if the show starts taking a turn towards becoming The Elizabeth Hasselbeck Show, I'm out.

The New Volvo S80 has a Psycho Killer Detector in the Keychain

2007-05-21T00:02:00.000-04:00

I can't believe car companies are now resorting to scaring the shit out of women to sell cars, but I guess if you have a car with a lousy security system, banking on urban legends and fear is probably your best bet. It's sad, but it's true. I recently saw the Volvo S80 commercial, the one where the young, Asian, female executive is walking towards her car across a deserted parking lot, really late at night, but turns around and runs the other way when her key chain tells her someone is sitting inside her car. Yeah, that one. It's totally freaking me out.

Commercials like this prey on every single urban legend I’ve heard surrounding cars and driver safety. I’ve heard them all. There’s the one where the psycho killer waits under your car to slash your ankles as you’re trying to get in. There’s the one where he’s waiting behind it on the other side to jump you as you come near your car. And finally, there's the one played out in the commercial. That there is someone waiting in the backseat, ready to strangle you and other horrible stuff once you sit down in the driver’s seat. And you'll never even see it coming until you see his reflection in your rear view mirror holding the copper wire between his hands.

Even though I've never heard of these attacks happening to anyone I know in real life, I’ve seen enough horror flicks, including Urban Legends and all its sequels, that my mind automatically scans the car and does all the psycho killer checks as I walk towards it in a parking lot. Who says you don’t learn anything from watching scary movies, I’ve learned a lot. So far, I've done pretty well by just using common sense and using the windows to check for backseat weirdos, but the ad wizards at Volvo want me to believe otherwise. They want me to think that there is something seriously lacking in the car I currently drive if it doesn't have a heartbeat sensor. It's the latest in car technology I never knew I needed.

My question is, how bad must the alarm system and the security features of the Volvo S80 be that some psycho killer can get into the car without activating the alarm, and wait patiently in the backseat until you show up to be murdered by him? Screw heartbeat sensors, I'd rather have a car that will prevent Mr. Psycho Killer from getting into my car in the first place.

To view the commercial I'm talking about, click on this link and you will get to Volvo's promotional site for the S80. Then click on the little arrow that says "Discover the Volvo S80", and then the "PCC: Personal Car Communicator" box on the bottom to "watch the PCC commercial".

UPDATE: I've been doing a little more reading on this heartbeat sensor, and it appears that it was originally designed to help prevent moronic parents from leaving their children in the car.

Here's how the article on Autoworld.com describes it:

The heartbeat sensor registers the vibration of a beating heart - both human and animal. The sensor is activated if, for instance, a sleeping child has been left in the child seat and the driver locks the door. A signal is transmitted to the remote control unit, which alerts the driver via a combination of audible signals and vibration pulses.

The heartbeat sensor is also activated if anyone enters the car and hides inside it. In such a case, the driver is not alerted automatically; instead, he or she must manually request this information within a distance of 300 feet from the car.

If the sensor is activated, the remote control unit transmits a quiet signal so that the driver can withdraw without being detected, so as to avoid a more threatening situation. The alternative is for the driver to press the "panic" button, which activates the car alarm to scare off the intruder.

I've heard some tragic stories on the news, where parents were "so busy" thinking about getting to the office or the shopping mall, they "forgot" they brought their children along with them, and consequently left them to die in the car in 100 degree weather. In all these tragedies, I blame the parents 100%. I mean, how moronic do you have to be to forget you brought your child with you? Is it that hard to look in the back seat of your car before you lock the door and go inside the mall? Seriously, how can you forget or not know your children are in the car with you? Do they have to make a noise for you to remember they are there?

Interestingly enough, Volvo doesn't promote this angle in the commercial for the S80. Columnist Mark Morford, in his article The Key Chain Of Your Doom, puts a more humorous spin on this when he writes:

Strangely, Volvo chose not to advertise the alternative use of this technology, the holy-crap-I-left-the-baby-in-the-car situation. "Are you a horrible mom? Like to go out shopping and partying till dawn but you've got a kid you have to haul around like a sack of wailing, needy meat? Let your key fob save the day! Our blinking red light will tell you if your kid is still alive in the backseat where you left him four hours ago! But beware: If that blinking light stops, Britney, you're totally screwed."

Yeah, Volvo S80, The Car for Negligent Parents is not exactly a slogan that will sell vehicles. But fear.... fear works well.

It Happened One Night at the MET

2007-05-09T16:09:00.000-04:00

Some of the women at the latest MET Costume Institute Gala in NYC looked really elegant. Rosario Dawson, Rose McGowan, and Christy Turlington were among the best dressed ladies there.

Unfortunately, some celebrities confused the fashion gala with a Halloween party. Behold the best of the Festival of Fright.

Trick or Treat! Mary-Kate Olsen is my favorite serial goth dresser. The girl just can't seem to get enough of dressing up like Morticia Addams, and once again, she did not fail to disappoint us. It looks like she killed Cousin It, dyed him black, and turned him into a scary dress. Yikes!

Want a dress like Parker Posey's? Here's how you can steal the look. Take a very insanely expensive haute couture dress and throw it into a tank full of piranhas. Remove with a wire hanger (careful, you don't want your fingers eaten!) and let drip dry. Then wear it to the red carpet and call it....fashion.

Ditto for Shalom Harlow. Except instead of feeding the dress to piranhas, run it through a paper shredder. Then take it outside and run over it with your car a couple times to give it that "vintage" look. Finally, attach a nice big fugly bow at the neckline for a splash of color. Tres Chic!

This is what I call, "nice try but no, sari". If this dress was floor length, and if Jennifer Connelly had worn a little more makeup to balance out the color of her dress with her skin tone, this would have looked much nicer.

And the Award for the Most Hideous Dress of the Night goes to....Karolina Korkova. I think there's a pretty dress hiding underneath there somewhere, but that ugly shawl and roadkill she's wearing around her neck is preventing me from looking at anything else. I'm seriously scared of that stole. It looks like it was alive just five minutes ago.

source

How to Safely Remove a Child Stuck in the Staircase Railing

2007-05-07T17:30:00.000-04:00

When I was about 12 years old, my mom told me that if I ever see a baby get his head stuck between the spindles of the staircase railing, I should NEVER pull the baby back out by his legs. Instead, I should push the rest of the baby's body forward through the spindles to get him out. I can still remember her exact words:

"Always remember," she said, "the head is the largest part of a child's body. If the head can get through the opening, the rest of his body can too. You should never pull the baby back out by pulling his head back through the slat. You could break their neck or cause serious damage to the baby's brain and skull."

I think she must have seen this happen to a child once because she used to repeat this story at every opportunity she got until I told her, "Okay, I got it." At the time, my brother had just been born and I think she was telling me this as a preventative measure. So that in case I found my brother with his head stuck between the staircase railing, I would know what to do to get him out safely. Luckily, my brother never pulled such a stunt, and as I grew up, I filed this information away in my mind as "Good to Know Info I Will Need to Use......Never".

However, after what happened today, this information is now pushed up front to one of my "Top Things To Know About Kids."

While I was getting ready to pick up my son from preschool, the twins were playing out in the hallway. All of a sudden, I hear Zee say, "I'm stuck." I didn't rush to her immediately because I thought she was playing a game with her sister. Then she started to cry and kept saying, "I'm stuck! I'm stuck!". I walked out into the hallway and saw...

Her head was wedged between the staircase railing!!!!!!

After freaking out momentarily and yelling, "OMG! Why did you do this?!", I calmed myself down and thought quickly how to get her out. It was then, as if in a flashback, my mother's words came back to me. I remember at the time, she had even demonstrated to me with a doll how to get a child out from this kind of situation. She pulled the doll sideways from the front of the railing.

I'm glad she gave me the visual because it really helped me figure out how to get Zee out of the railing today. I got in front of her and turned her body to her side so her shoulders and arms were almost parallel to the floor, and then gently pulled her out. It took less than one minute! I couldn't believe her entire body slid right through that narrow space! And with such ease. Mom was right. If the head can fit through the opening, the entire body can too. (It kind of reminds of how a baby is born. As long as the head gets through first, the rest of the body slides right out. Conversely, if a baby is breech, natural labor is near impossible and you need a C-section to get the baby out. All of my babies were breech and I had to have a C-section every time. My kids couldn't give me a break even during labor. )

Now that I got her out and she's perfectly fine, I'm a little worried about our other stair railing, the one that overlooks the family room and has a 10 ft. drop.

If she had gotten stuck in there, I swear I would have ripped the spindles to get her out. There would have been no other way to get her out of the railing if her head was facing that huge drop below. Well actually, now that I think of it, a better option would be to call 911 and have the fire department come over and get her out. They've got the ladders and the training to do this more safely than I would, and I probably could prevent ripping out a spindle and leaving a gaping hole in my railing.

I thought my baby-proofing days were over, but clearly, this was a wake-up call for me to get some protection on my staircase. Not to protect them from falling down the stairs (they're already expert on going up and down), but to prevent them from falling through the railing. According to Colorado Childproofers, nets are not safe enough, I have to get rigid plastic sheeting installed to make sure this doesn't happen again. Even though I doubt the other children will try it, or that Zee will try it again, I never know what these kids are thinking. Knowing them, they might give a repeat performance just to impress their friends. Especially now that they know Mom knows how to get them out of the predicament. (I gave my son a lesson on how to remove a baby stuck in a stair rail with his Curious George doll. At age five, he's the oldest, and I think he probably knows by now that sticking your head through a railing is not safe. He and I took pictures, see below).

So, just in case you find yourself in a situation like I faced today, here is a step-by-step visual guide on How to Safely Remove a Child Who Has Gotten Their Head Stuck Between the Staircase Railing. This is how I safely removed Zee today, and I hope it can help someone else.

(Note: Curious George will be filling in for the RE-ENACTMENT.)

First of all, if you ever see a child in this situation, the first thing you need to do is relax and remain calm. Yes, you're probably angry that your child got themselves in this predicament in the first place, but trust me, yelling will accomplish nothing. I'm saying this because regretfully, that's what I started doing when I found Zee in this situation and I feel terrible about it. All she wanted was for me to get her out of the staircase, and instead, the first thing I did was start yelling at her for doing something so dangerous, and didn't she know we had to leave in five minutes to pick her brother up from school?!?!? It was completely uncalled for and I feel terrible about it. Please don't make the same mistake I did. Keep your cool.

Next, tell your child everything will be okay. She's more petrified than you. Then, turn her shoulders and her body to the side so that her body makes about a 45 degree angle with the floor, or almost horizontally parallel with the floor. Shoulder and arms should be positioned to slide out between the spindles.

Place your hands around her neck and butt and gently start pulling her out, sideways through the bars.

Remember to use both hands. Most of these pictures show me pulling George out with one hand because the other hand is taking the photo. My son was supposed to do all the photography for this demo, but he was impatient and made the pictures blurry. But this one turned out decent. The main thing to remember is to protect the neck and the lower back (and bum) at all times.

Voila! The child is free and happy to be out. Give her a big hug and tell her never to do this again. Nicely.

I alway thought my mom was a crazy loon for always repeating advice like this to me, but I now realize she was just trying to teach me a life lesson. After what I experienced today, I'm really glad she did.

Is your staircase railing safe for your toddler? Here's how you can check.
Measure the space between your staircase railing spindles (a.k.a. balusters). The space should not be more than 4 inches. Anything less than 4 inches is safe, anything more than this measurement is dangerous and requires baby proofing. I measured between the spindles on my railing and it's 4 3/4 inches, which explains how she got her head through it and got stuck.

Weekend at the Movies

2007-05-06T21:06:00.000-04:00

My son turned five this weekend, and to celebrate his birthday, we took him to see Spiderman 3. It's been nearly five years since I watched a movie in a theater, I was resigned to watching films on DVD since I had kids. But now that all of them are potty trained, it's becoming easier to go out in public and do the things I used to do.

I'm usually a fan of chick flicks like The Notebook, I didn't think I would like Spiderman 3. I saw the first two at home, and I couldn't understand why these films were such a huge hit. He's Spiderman flying around the city shooting webs, big deal. But yesterday, I figured it out. To fully enjoy a Spiderman film, you have to see it on the big screen. It's a whole different experience in there. You don't have to pause the film to go change a diaper or put clothes in the dryer, you actually see the entire film in one sitting! (Something I haven't done in a looong time.) The girls did need a bathroom break mid-film but it was okay, the husband filled me in on what I missed.

I'm not going to do a full review of the film, but I must say this film is great for lovers of both chick flicks and action films. The MJ-Peter-Harry love triangle is blended superbly with the action scenes, and the special effects were awesome. I don't think I've had this much fun watching a film since.... I can't remember when. We had attempted to see Curious George in the theater a few years ago when the girls were younger, but had to leave 45 minutes later when they started screaming and running up and down the steps on the side. This time, even they were captivated and sat still during the movie, and it wasn't scary at all. Well, a little bit, but not enough to give them nightmares. I especially liked the scenes where Spidey is flying from building to building, and James Franco who plays Harry is just the cutest thing. He's a real scene stealer.

I don't think we'll be able to do this every weekend, I still think the majority of my movie watching is going to remain on DVD, but it's good to know that we're able to take the kids to the movie theater now without having meltdowns. In fact, we had such a good experience, we're planning to go see Shrek 3 when it comes out. This time, however, we're going to make sure we buy two giant tubs of popcorn instead of one. The kids scarfed down the entire box between them, my husband and I barely got to eat the crumbs at the bottom.

More Exclusive Pics of Aishwarya Rai's Wedding

2007-04-29T13:57:00.000-04:00

I just received these pictures via e-mail, and thought I'd put them up to share. These "leaked" photos are unlike any other I've seen and actually show Aish smiling and happy. Check 'em out!

(click to enlarge)

Aish brought her sexy back to the wedding by wearing this ornate hairstyle. Her hair is braided, and covered with flowers (jasmine?) and 22 karat gold jewelry. She's wearing an arm band made of 22K gold and emeralds as well. In the background, you can see her mother-in-law, Jaya Bachchan.

Below are more images from the wedding ceremony and reception. Click on any image to enlarge it.

Here they are walking around the fire, as part of the Hindu marriage ceremony.

More photos......

Okay, I just have to interrupt here. I'm all for brides blinging out at their wedding, the more the better. But a blinged out groom? Abhishek is wearing what looks like a multi-strand necklace made of emeralds AND a giant pearl-pendant and matching crown dripping even more emeralds. I know they say "if you've got it, flaunt it", and perhaps the theme for the wedding was maharaja-chic, but still, it seems like a bit too much bling for a groom.

This photo of Aish's BFF Preity Zinta (with Karan Johar) was also included in the set I received. I put it up mainly because I love the way Preity looks here. Everything from the highlights in her hair, to the yellow sari, to the rocking necklace she's wearing looks gorgeous. A little tidbit I learned about Preity and Aish, they both call someone close to them "Junior". Aish's nickname for Abhishek is "Junior", and Preity has a puppy named "Junior". Really.

MAC Wildly Lush Plushglass: The Cure for Frosty Lipsticks

2007-04-25T22:17:00.000-04:00

If you've got some frosty lipsticks collecting dust in your makeup drawer, give them a second life by applying MAC Plushglass in Wildly Lush over them. This hot new lipgloss by MAC, which has a slight "plumping" effect to give you Angelina Jolie lips, is all the rage right now with the girls at my MAC counter. It works on every skin tone and is perfect for taking the frost out of lipsticks like MAC "O" and Viva Glam IV. It's also good for toning down dark colored lipsticks, converting any shade you wore in the winter to a nice shade for summer.

I actually bought this a while ago, and the plumping effect does work. I don't know what they put in it to make your lips tingle and plump up, but your lips do look fuller about 10 minutes after you apply the gloss. For only $17.50, it's a nice way to sample the trend and give the lipsticks you already own a different look.

Aishwarya Rai Mehndi and Wedding Links

2007-04-25T18:53:00.000-04:00

Out of all the photos that leaked out on the web of the Aishwarya-Abhishek wedding, this is my favorite. All the rest of her pictures show such a restrained smile, I feel the photos don't do her justice. Perhaps it was the tension from the media or the wedding itself, but I wish she had smiled more and looked more relaxed. Then again, I didn't smile much at my wedding either, because my mother told me "good girls" are supposed to just sit there and stare at the floor. And not smile. I really regret listening to her old school advice. All my wedding pictures turned out like crap.

Meanwhile, how much you wanna bet that lady in the orange is the one who leaked this mehndi pic out onto the net? Just look at her, I can practically read the expression on her face, "Look at me, bitches, I'm applying henna on Aishwarya Rai's hands. Yeah, that's right, THE Aishwarya Rai. Did you get a good look? I'm actually touching her hand! Envy me, bitches, envy me."

Here are some more buzzworthy links related to the "wedding of the century":

Aishwarya Rai Ties the Knot (Celebitchy) (Good pictures of Ash and Abhi's visit to a temple AND super rare photos of them at their wedding reception. )

Pictures of the Mehndi (IBN Live)

Pictures of Ash and Abhi on a pimped out private plane decorated with flowers. (First Bollywood)

close-up photo at top of page via (Ek Jut)

The Paternity Test Results Are In

2007-04-11T00:26:00.000-04:00

Was this even a shock to anyone? I think the only thing that shocked me was how long it took to get this paternity test done. They could have had this answer a long time ago if they had just put our guy Maury Povich in charge. I mean, Maury is an expert at handling paternity tests. He does six paternity tests an hour five days a week, you can't get more efficient than that.

The WOHM Next Door

2007-04-10T23:00:00.000-04:00

So get this. After we came back home last weekend, I immediately got to work trying to locate a babysitter to start helping me out during the day. But so far, instead of landing a babysitter, I got mistaken for being a babysitter, and got taken advantage of by the WOHM (Work Out of Home Mom) next door.

The WOHM is a doctor, and her husband is a doctor too. She's got two kids, ages 6 and 1, and a live-in nanny who takes care of them while the parents are at work. The nanny not only takes care of her kids, she also cooks and cleans the house, so when the WOHM comes home from work, there's a home cooked meal waiting for her in a tidy house. The nanny is an old, unattractive woman (like Nanny Mcphee), which is why I think the WOHM hired her. Had the nanny been young and hot, the husband probably would have made a play for her.

Anyway, so far it sounds like this WOHM's got a pretty good deal when it comes to balancing work and childcare, right? Nope. The WOHM wants more. She wants a little friend her son's age to play with him a few times a week so he won't have to sit at home all day playing video games by himself. Her son, who I'm gonna call Ross Gellar, because that's exactly who this child looks like right down to the haircut, is two years older than my son. The WOHM has rarely ever spoken to me for more than two minutes, mainly because she's never home, but last week I made the mistake of playing outside with the children and she spotted me as she was driving home.

Here's the beginning of how I got screwed.

WOHM: "Hiiiii! How old is your son?"

Me: "Four."

WOHM: "Wow, Ross is six. He's been aching for a friend to play with, do you mind if I call him outside and he can play with your son?"

I didn't have a problem with this and said, "Sure." My son's been a little tired of playing with his sisters too and wanted some male company so I felt it would be a win-win situation. But I realized, that inadvertently, I got put in charge of not only watching my kids, but also Ross. The WOHM scurried inside saying she needed to take care of her 1 year old, but I think more likely, she probably went in for a nap.

The kids and I spent about half an hour outside before it started getting really cold and I wanted to go inside. My son, who was ecstatic and completely lost his mind after realizing there was finally a boy around to play ninja turtles with him, asked Ross, "Hey, wanna come inside with us? My mom is going to bake brownies!"

Umm, I was? I guess I was now. The kids ran into the house before I did, and I thought I'd quickly run over next door to let the WOHM know that her son was going to be staying with us longer. The babysitter came to the door and said it would be fine, so I figured, okay, for my son's sake I could do this, even thought I was dead tired.

After three hours, a tray of brownies, and four bowls of ice cream, it was almost time for the husband to come home and for me to start dinner. There was no sign of the WOHM or the babysitter. No one even called to check up on him. I was really surprised. I mean, they hardly know me, what if I was a psycho?

Finally, I told my son Ross had to go home, his mommy is missing him (not!) and got Ross's coat to walk him home. At this point his mother comes to our door and says, "Hey, I was wondering if Ross wanted to come home now?"

"Yes, he does," I say, but clearly from Ross's actions, he was not ready to leave and his mother picks up this.

"Aww look he's having so much fun. He really needs to play with boys his own age. Hey, my husband and I have to go out somewhere right now, can you just walk him home later when he's ready to go home?"

What? The kid had already been here for four hours, I kindly said, "Um, I don't think so, I have to put the kids down for bed soon."

So she said, with a rather disappointed look, "Oh, okay. Come on Ross, time to go home, you can play again tomorrow!"

The next day, my son ran over to Ross's house after breakfast and brought him over to our house. Again. The babysitter was probably loving the fact that she only had one baby to take care of now that the dumb girl next door (read: me) was willing to take a load off her. Forget searching for a babysitter for me, I was now worried how I would get rid of the free babysitting job I suddenly got myself into.

This happened for a few more days, Ross coming over, eating lunch with us, playing in the house, bragging about how much bigger the plasma screen TV was in his house and how he has all these super games and toys in his house. Finally, after Ross left one night, I told my son,
"You can play with Ross outside all you want, but I'm sorry he can't come over until he starts inviting you to his place as well. It's not fair that he gets to see your house and you don't get to see his." My son understood this and has now limited his playtime with Ross to riding his scooter outside, but no more indoor playdates. I mean, you could say, "What's one more kid when you've already got three?" but it really does start to add up to more work, responsibility, and stress, especially if that additional child is not your own, and you can't yell at him to stop misbehaving like you do your own kids.

So I've been Ross-free now for about two days now. I hope it doesn't get jinxed. Meanwhile, the WOHM next door hasn't even once called to thank me for watching her son and providing him with meals and playdates. I wouldn't have minded the arrangement if it hadn't been so one-sided. I mean, the first night she even wanted to leave him with me while she went out to dinner with her husband! Some people have such nerve. Do they think just because I decided to pop out three kids, and become a SAHM (Stay at Home Mom) I wouldn't like some kid-free time too? The irony of it all, is that my main focus that week was to find a babysitter so I could have more free time, and I ended up becoming an unpaid, under-appreciated babysitter instead.

The Most Regifted Wedding Present Ever: The Crystal Vase

2007-03-31T15:00:00.000-04:00

I think more than 70% of all the crystal vases given to newlyweds each year is a re-gift. It's that dirty little secret that happens at weddings every year. No one talks about it, but everyone knows it's happening.

To the newlywed couple, receiving a crystal vase is at first a thrill. The fragility and the luxuriousness of it all makes you feel like you're finally a grown-up and a real "married" person. No more 7/11 Big Gulp cups posing for vases for you my friend, you've got crystal in the house now. I remember clearly, receiving 35 different kinds of vases at my wedding. At first I thought, wow, how generous, and then after I opened the 10th box of yet another crystal vase, it dawned on me, what am I going to do with all this crystal? We didn't even a have a showcase or enough ledges in the apartment to hold all of these.

I put up what I could on any flat surface I could find, the window sill, the dining table, even the corner of the bathroom sink. I even remember buying a small table from The Bombay Company just to display some of the crystal vases. The rest of the vases that were unopened were gradually re-gifted to unsuspecting couples who married after us. I had no use for them, and I'm sure the new couple would realize that they had no use for them either, but I had to get rid of those vases. I felt a little guilty at first, re-gifting something so impractical, but after a couple of times, I got over the guilt. First of all, I knew that I wouldn't be the only person giving them a crystal vase, and secondly, I knew that within a few years, the couple would eventually re-gift it to someone else. Passing it around like a hot potato. That's what married people do with crystal vases.

I don't know where the tradition of gifting newlyweds crystal vases came from, but I think a more practical idea for a gift would be cookware, flatware, bedding, or honestly, a gift card to Bed Bad and Beyond. Very rarely do newlyweds buy themselves a crystal vase, they are more likely to buy a toaster oven.

See Star Shrink

2007-03-08T01:41:00.000-05:00

2002

2005

2007

Wow, check out the incredible shrinking Star Jones! She took her time, (and had some major "help") but she seems to be finally down to her goal weight. She lost the long hair and got her some Ugly Betty glasses too (which don't look so bad).

This reminds me, I need to get back onto the exercise wagon too. Ever since the kids got sick, the Pilates DVDs and any form of cardio took a back seat. I quit the gym back in November because it was too hard to get there on a regular basis. After dinner was the only time left during the day to go, and by that time, all I wanted to do was sleep and get off my feet. But I really need to start exercising again, not just for the pursuit of the vanity size, but really, just for my health. For that short period of time I did get to the gym, I used to feel so much better and alert after working out, now I just feel sluggish and can barely keep up with the kids.

2007 photo via Just Jared, 2002 photo source, and 2005 photo source

Picture of the Day: Two Exes and a Wedding

2007-03-08T01:30:00.000-05:00

Look at these two at one of Liz's gazillion wedding receptions in India. I bet they're bitching about Hugh and Jemima at this very moment.

If you're new to the story, it goes something like this:

-Imran Khan and Jemima used to be married. Liz Hurley and Hugh Grant used to to date.

-Jemima introduced Liz and Hugh to her husband, Imran, and the four became friends.

-Then, Jemima divorced Imran. Liz and Hugh broke up as well.

-Liz started dating fabulously wealthy Arun Nayar.

-Then, Hugh and Jemima hooked up and got engaged. Soon afterwards, Jemima and Liz stopped being BFF's because Jemima had jealousy and insecurity issues with Liz. She thought Hugh would go back to her, so she cut Liz out of the picture. But apparently, Liz was the least of Jemima's troubles because the problem was not with Hugh going back to Liz, but rather, Hugh kicking the habit of hookers.

-Jemima and Hugh broke up, while Liz moved on with Arun Nayar and got engaged to be married to him.

Throughout all this drama, Liz and Imran maintained their friendship. Now, Imran and Liz are feasting on biryani in India at one of Liz's bridezilla weddingpalooza dinners, while Hugh is dodgeing photogs in London (he didn't go to the wedding and couldn't come up with a good reason why not) and Jemima is at home kicking back more gin and tonics to drown the pain of seeing pictures of her ex with her nemesis. Ain't love grand?

You know who else was at this wedding dinner? The UK's Big Brother winner Shilpa Shetty.

Shilpa is totally rocking the current fashion trend of silver in this outfit. Silver work on her suit, silver clutch, silver earrings, I'm liking it. After years of seeing so much (expensive) gold in partywear it's nice to see purse-friendly silver make a style comeback.

photos via Daily Mail

For more Liz Hurley/Nayar wedding news, check out some of these shameless self-promotional plugs from Celebitchy and other sites:

Latest Photos from Hello Magazine (Celebitchy)

Could Liz Hurley Already be Pregnant? (Celebitchy)

Liz and Arun's gift to their wedding guests, a Bollywood film starring themselves. This is what happens when people have so much money they don't know what to do with it. They make their own Bollywood films. (Daily Mail)

Her Name is Mrs. Nayar, Bridezilla if You're Nasty (Celebitchy)

Pics of guests arriving to the wedding, including Elton John in track suit and Elle MacPherson (SkyShowbiz)

Twins are a Fire Hazard Waiting to Happen

2007-03-07T22:50:00.000-05:00

I placed a pot of water for boiling on the stove today (to make Mac n' Cheese for the kids, again) and left for only two minutes to go to the bathroom. I thought it would be okay, the girls were playing with legos in the family room and Big Brother said he would watch them for me. They're two and a half now, and I thought they should know better by now than to do something stupid.

Apparently, I was wrong. Big Brother was not watching, and when I came back this is what I saw. (Click image to enlarge).

Something in this photo made me boiling mad, and it wasn't the pot of water on the stove or the brownie mix that magically appeared. It was the chairs, the goddamn Little Tykes chairs!

The twins ran away from this scene the minute they heard me come out of the bathroom, leaving the two empty chairs behind. That proves to me that at least they knew what they did was wrong, and very dangerous, and didn't want to get caught at the scene of the crime. Yet, at the same time, this served as a reminder to me that the girls are still too young to understand the dangers of a kitchen, and I should have turned off the stove before I left. After all, that's what "responsible parenting" is, but sometimes I'm juggling so many things, I forget.

As for the brownies, it was a message from the twins. Bake them. Or else.

The High Price of Smokey Eyes

2007-03-03T19:07:00.000-05:00

I like to line my eyes like Penelope Cruz. I even line the inner eyelids like she does with the same eye pencil she uses, Loreal Le Grande Kohl in Black Sable. But I'm afraid that my pursuit of the smokey eye has given me a nasty case of blepharitis, a condition more commonly known as, infection of the eyelashes and eyelids.

I found out a little too late that I'm supposed to wipe the tip of my eye pencil, with a cotton ball dipped in rubbing alcohol, at least once a week if I'm using it on the inner eyelids as well. I thought sharpening the tip to a new point when it was used down to the nub was enough to get rid of old bacteria and keep it fresh, but apparently it wasn't.

So now, I'm not allowed to wear any kind of eye makeup until it heals. Normally, I wouldn't mind, I don't have time to do my eyes like this everyday, but I've got a wedding to go to in exactly two weeks where I really want to wear eye makeup. I hope it clears up by then otherwise I'm going to have to go for the "natural" look, which for me, is really hard to pull off at a wedding.

photo via penelopecruz.com

When Buzzers Attack

2007-03-03T18:52:00.000-05:00

For a while there, I thought Selma Blair was trying to give herself a Britney and reconsidered half way through it, but no, she actually paid a hairstylist to do this to her. Linda Evangelista's old hairstylist, Garren, to be exact. Why, oh why, won't Hollywood let the 80's rest in peace?

When asked by People magazine why she did it, Selma said:

"I was ready for a change. I think I’ve been trying so long to fit in to the long-hair girl kind of Hollywood thing and it's just not me."

Selma, dear, this hairstyle isn't you either.

photo via People.com

P.S. I know this photo is old news from December 2006, but I just read about it today. I'm totally behind on Selma gossip.

Aishwarya Rai's Damn Huge Rock

2007-02-22T21:59:00.000-05:00

Wow, check out the size of Aishwarya Rai's engagement ring! It's got to be at least 8 carats. The matching studs look pretty hot too. She is one damn lucky girl. I'm so jealous.

photo via aishwarya-forever.com

Which Olsen Twin Forgot to Wear Lipstick?

2007-02-13T17:07:00.000-05:00

This one is tricky. These two sneaky lasses tried to outfox us by dyeing their hair the same color. But my guess is, the one with the red lipstick is MK, because she's into that whole Morticia Adams thing, and it's Ashley who's sporting the "Kiss of Death" lipstick.

source

Cool Gift Idea for Men: The Man Box

2007-02-13T14:20:00.000-05:00

The husband discovered this really neat valet this weekend while we were at Bed Bath and Beyond. They are having a nation-wide extreme clearance event, and we went with the kids to go check it out. It ended up costing him only $17 after the additional in-store discount and Big Blue Coupon, and he's put it up on the kitchen countertop now to store all his man belongings: Blue Tooth, Blackberry, wallet, watch. (Although he never really uses the watch to tell time anymore. Everytime I ask him what time it is, he looks at his Blackberry).

He parked it right next to the electrical outlet where he plugs the cell phone into the charger. The compartment in the middle of the box lifts up and is big enough to hold DVD's that need to be returned, bills that need to be mailed, and the secret cubby below holds all his other junk, like gum, Motrin, and business cards. I've gotta say, the box is pretty cool, I'm even tempted to put some of my own stuff in it, but he's claimed it as all his. He says I've got my big purse to hold my stuff, and he's got, what I've coined as, his Man Box.

I've never seen him so excited over something like this before. It's the same joy I would feel if I got a Marc Jacobs handbag. He's calling all his friends over to the house to see it, and subsequently, they are all making a mad dash to get one as well. The only thing is, it's not portable, but I guess that's why men have all those extra pockets in their jackets (and those cargo pants). This is strictly for home use, so he's not wondering where he put his things and can find them on a daily basis.

I guess he just bought himself his own Valentine's Day gift.

Who, or What, Do You Think Killed Anna Nicole Smith?

2007-02-09T12:11:00.001-05:00

Anna Nicole Smith
1967-2007

The mysterious circumstances surrounding the tragic death of Anna Nicole Smith is just baffling. I figured something fishy happened when her son suddenly died of a lethal mixture of drugs in September, but the way Anna has died just seems so peculiar. They are still doing the autopsy to find out for sure, but I have a number of theories that I think contributed to Anna's death.

Theory #1: Howard K. Stern did it. The guy just seems like a slimey, money grubbing pig. I wouldn't be surprised if he was the one behind Daniel's death, and there are a number of people on the internet who think he was probably drugging Anna Nicole to death as well. I was watching Larry King last night, and Anna's sister Donna Hogan called in to talk about her sister's death. She made it clear in no uncertain terms that she hated Howard's guts, and her mother had warned Anna about being with him as well.

Virgie [also] made a chilling prophecy in October on Nancy Grace's CNN
show; "If Howard Stern marries her and she ends up dead, then who does the money
go [to]? Danny's not there."

Theory #2: Trimspa did it. When Anna was taking Trimspa, it had ephedra in it. Ephedra is now a banned substance in the U.S. because it can cause stroke, heart attack, seizures, or severe mental disorders. Given the way Anna always acted spaced out all the time, it could be that Trimspa, along with the other drugs she was fucking around with, helped contribute to her death.

Theory #3: She died of a broken heart. This one is highly plausible. Poor Anna never really recovered from the death of her son. The death of a child is every parent's worst fear, I cannot even begin to imagine her pain. (And subsequently, I thank God every day my children are with me.)

Theory #4: She choked on her own vomit. Anna apparently was suffering from the flu and pneumonia like symptoms recently. But how does a grown woman choke on her own vomit, unless she throws up in her sleep, or was being prevented from bending her body over to let it out? Suspicious.

Theory #5: She killed herself with a drug overdose. I really hope this isn't true, after all, she had a beautiful 5 month baby girl who was counting on her. Fucked up or not, every child deserves to know their mother. Now the poor little girl is caught in a paternity suit, with little hopes of having a normal childhood. My heart goes out to her.

Speaking of the Paternity Suit, who do you think is the baby's daddy?

I think it's Larry Birkhead.

He's been demanding a DNA test from day one, but Anna and Howard have been blocking it. I think if Howard is so sure he's the daddy, why doesn't he prove it by doing the test? Instead, he's raising even more suspicions by blocking the test and making excuses.

As for baby Dannielynn, she's in the Bahamas with the wife of a government official. How odd. I can't confirm this, but a friend of mine I was talking to last night said that under Bahama law, if a mother dies, the child goes to the father listed on the birth certificate. Anna listed Howard K. Stern as the father, so until the whole paternity mess is cleared up, Howard is the daddy. I'm wondering if Howard planned this whole thing from the get-go.

There's also a question of Anna's will. CNN is reporting that if Howard K. Stern is both the executor and the beneficiary of the will, it's going to cause alot of problems in court. (Gee, ya think?)

This whole tragic story is just full of questions. What do you think about it?

UPDATE: This story is bringing all sorts of crazies out of the wood work. Now Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband is claiming to be Dannielynn's daddy? And he even tried to "adopt" Anna Nicole to make her a princess? The Anna Nicole Show is just getting weirder by the minute.

Salma Hayek's Secret to Great Skin

2007-02-08T00:26:00.000-05:00

Salma Hayek's skin looks fabulous for someone who just turned 40. I remember reading in a magazine once that she keeps her beauty regimen simple. There are three basic steps to Salma's skincare routine:

Regular facials (to exfoliate and encourage cell turnover)
Wearing sunscreen daily
Never washing her face in the morning

That third step is the most important. Salma was quoted in the article as saying, "I don't see how your face can get that dirty from the time you go to bed to the time you wake up." She explained that she only washes her face at night, to remove dirt and makeup, with a gentle soap. Then she applies moisturizer. In the morning when she wakes up, she simply splashes some warm water on her face to reactivate the moisturizer from last night, applies sunscreen, a little makeup, and she's set.

I've gotta say, Salma's technique actually works. When I first read that article, I was about 25, and my skin was turning into a mess. I used to wash morning and night, sometimes even in the afternoon, apply loads of zit cream, use toners, all that stuff. My skin ended up looking both flaky and shiny at the same time, and I realized I was over cleaning my face. I was stripping it dry of it's natural oils and that's why I was ending up with that dry top layer and oily underlayer of skin.

So I took Salma's advice, and stopped washing my face with soap in the morning. I only used warm water and patted it dry with a towel. I also started using those home facial/exfoliator puffs (like Dove's) and ditched the drying toners. And you know what? Salma was right. Aside from the occasional breakout here and there, I don't have that problem with shiny/flaky skin anymore. Skipping that morning wash with soap really made a difference for me. I only hope my skin looks as good as Salma's when I hit the big 4-0.

photo via salmahayekweb.com

First Pic of Aishwarya's Baby

2007-02-07T22:39:00.000-05:00

Look! It's Aishwarya's baby with the banana tree! I heard she named him Akayla.

photo source

Could You, Would You, With a Tree?

2007-02-02T20:04:00.000-05:00

So the latest rumour surrounding the Abhi-Aish saga is that Aishwarya Rai has married two trees to undo the evil curse of being a manglik. Yup, not one, but two trees. A peepal tree and a banana tree.

In Hindu tradition, in order to offset the evil influence of manglik dosh, a woman should marry a peepal or banana tree before she ties the knot with her fiancé. Or she could even marry a clay urn, which should be broken soon after the nuptial ceremonies, signifying that the bride has become a widow, and the manglik dosh problem has been solved.

It’s not known if Ash has married, or plans to marry, an urn, but she reportedly has married a peepal tree in the holy city of Varanasi, and a banana tree in the southern Indian city of Bangalore.

Would the peepal and banana trees need to be chopped down in order to free her from the curse?

“I’m not sure, but probably, she can annul those marriages, or divorce the trees,” says Los Angeles-based Vedic astrologer Yatrika Shah-Rais.

I don't know how true this crazy story is, but some feminist lawyers in India have taken it seriously and have slapped Aishwarya with a lawsuit. Most likely for polygamy and engaging in stupid acts.

Abhishek: "So Aish, did you get the divorce from those trees yet?"

Aishwarya: "The peepal tree signed the papers this morning, but we're gonna have trouble from the banana tree. Can you believe he's asking for $1 million to compensate him for emotional distress? The nerve."

photos via Aishwarya-forever.com

Danger in the Workplace

2007-01-31T00:07:00.000-05:00

I remember a couple years ago, I was auditing a law firm down in Battery Park in Manhattan. I usually stayed late because I was the senior on the audit and there was a lot of work to accomplish in a short amount of time.

At night, our company had a policy of allowing us to take a limo home on the company tab if we stayed past 8:30 pm. I was usually leaving around 11:00 pm or midnight, so I usually took this service, but there was one night where I couldn't find a single car available. I decided to take a cab and just charge the expense through. As I was packing up to leave, I asked the janitor where the best place was to hail a cab. I had made friends with the janitor because we were always working late on the same floor. I learned he was from Chechnya, that he really wasn't a janitor, he was a chemical engineer, but he was working as a janitor until he found a real job in his field.

Anyway, the janitor asked me why I needed to take a cab this late. Wasn't my limo coming for me?

I told him, "No, they're all booked. It's Chinese New Year."

He said, "If you're going to hail a cab, cross the street to do it. You don't want to walk outside the building here at night. You could die."

What? Die? Was it that dangerous of an area at night?

He explained that actually, one of the lawyers who worked in the firm jumped out the window to commit suicide a few nights ago. He landed on a woman walking on the sidewalk outside the law firm. He killed himself, and he also killed the woman he landed on.

"Someone could jump on you, it's too risky. Cross the street and hail the cab from the next block over. You will live."

I couldn't believe it. I mean, that poor woman. Just walking along, minding her own business, when some suicidal lawyer falls out of the sky and takes her with him to the grave. I bet she never imagined that her life would end like that.

The scary thing was, in the past three months, there had been two other suicides at the firm. I don't know why those lawyers chose to jump and end their lives instead of simply resigning from their jobs, but I was very thankful the janitor warned me about it.

I crossed the street and hailed a cab to take me home. But as a rule, I never walked outside the perimeter of that lawyers' office after dark again. Just in case.

photo source

Four Nailpolish Colors That Look Fab on Everyone

2007-01-09T17:32:00.000-05:00

If it's been a while since you've updated your nailpolish wardrobe, try these four fun shades by OPI. They look good on nearly everyone, and will keep you in style from winter through spring.

Lincoln Park After Dark

This is a cult hit, and a color even my son thinks "looks cool". I recently went to a holiday party wearing this shade on my hands and both a mom and her teenage daughter asked me for the name of this shade. The daughter said it's very much like the black polish all the girls are wearing at school, but this looks classier. Her mom agreed. Lincoln Park After Dark is actually a super dark purple shade that makes you look trendy and glamorous, without the risk of looking like an emo.

I'm Not Really a Waitress

This is my favorite red polish ever. It's blue-based, so it looks equally striking on dark skin as it does on light skin. Try it on your toes, I applied mine nearly two weeks ago and it still hasn't chipped or lost it's shine.

Chicago Champagne Toast

The most perfect neutral everyday polish. Works great for the office as well as for evenings or just hanging around the house. It matches nearly every outfit you might wear. This is the shade I wore to Disney World.

A Rose at Dawn....Broke by Noon

My daughter Zee picked this one out herself and I'm glad she introduced me to it. It's a really fun pink, looks great on both your hands and toes. The pink looks bright in the bottle, but trust me, it's not the type of color reserved only for teenagers going to the prom. My daughter, even though she's only two, asked me to put this on her nails when we brought it home, she was so excited about it. (They don't wear polish all the time, but once in while I let them, just for fun.) My skin is several shades darker than hers and it looked equally nice on me. Overall, it's a really fun pink, and doesn't look tacky or "too young" at all.

You can find OPI nailpolishes at most Trade Secrets, but there's a website that sells all of them at a discount. Visit OPIDiva.com and save a dollar off retail per bottle. If you're planning to buy at 6 or more bottles, the dollar savings per bottle can add up to a free bottle of nailpolish.

Watch the Wiggles Pump It

2006-12-15T16:21:00.000-05:00

I know I'm on a Wiggles kick lately, but I can't help it. Once I showed my kids the freaky puppet video, they asked to see more Wiggles, and a couple of links later, I found this gem.

I Dread Goody Bags

2006-12-13T17:30:00.000-05:00

I'm really beginning to dread the end of the birthday parties when the hostess hands out goody bags to all the children. It's not that I don't want my children to receive a gift for being at the party, I fear what's inside.

Just this weekend, my friend Noshi held a birthday party for her daugher's 4th birthday. When the kids are as young as ours, the whole family is usually invited. I remember looking at her neatly arranged, personalized, and decorated goody bags with extreme trepidation. My first thought was, "Wow, she really put alot of work into decorating those bags, they look like something Martha Stewart would create for kids, ribbons and all." Noshi likes doing that kind of stuff, and I have nothing against that, some moms like to put time into extra touches and decorations, and others (like me) don't. The only thing I was hoping for was that there was NO candy in those goody bags. My kids had already skipped the pizza and made a meal out of the birthday cake, the last thing I wanted was to sugar them up more.

Honestly, I don't even care if my children get goody bags at birthday parties. When I was younger I don't remember ever going to a birthday party and coming back with anything more than a little plastic baggy with Reese's Peanut Butter cups and M&Ms. Maybe a few scratch n' sniff stickers if the parents were extra generous. Sometimes, there were no goody bags at all, and I was okay with that. After all, it wasn't my birthday, why should I get a gift for attending someone else's birthday?

But now, there seems to be a competition of sorts amongst moms as to who can pack and present the best goody bags. I'll be the first to admit, I'm lousy at making goody bags. I lack creativity in this department and have now resorted to just buying one or two little toys for each child attending and wrapping it or stuffing it into a bag. Nothing too expensive, I keep a budget of $3 to $5 per child and buy coloring kits or puzzles from Target or the Dollare Store. I don't have time to do things with ribbons, glue-guns, and construction paper. I'm sure I could make the time if I really wanted to, but I don't. I never saw goody bags as being that important as the food and activities at the party. But now that I've been working the birthday party circuit for a couple of years, I'm finding that the whole lasting impression of your party lies within your goody bag. If you hand out crap, people are going to walk away with the impression that your party sucked and you are cheap. If you go over the top, people will wonder if they gave your child a nice enough gift to deserve such a well-stocked goody bag. The hardest part about making a goody bag is finding that middle ground. We all know that kids will be happy to get anything, and they don't care whether the goody bag toys came from the Dollar Store or Toys R Us, it's the parents we are worried about pleasing. We want the parents to think we took the effort to write little Johnny's name on his bag and picked out a special gift just for him, no, make that 10 little gifts, and wait, there's candy too. What should be a special day to celebrate the birth of your child turns into an event riddled with performance anxiety.

I wish we could do away with goody bags altogether. Let's face it, moms have enough pressure to plan their child's birthday party and make sure junior eats his cake without ruining the little man's tuxedo your mother made him wear (or in my case, it was the little maharaja suit, complete with a turban fit for a prince). My first time, I didn't want to chance it and outsourced the goody bag making to Birthday Express. I got the Colorful Favor Boxes which looked nice, were budget friendly, and safe for all ages. Afterwards, I fell into the trap of handing out bags of candy, because that's what all the other moms were doing at their parties. Now, the latest trend I've seen is that the goody bags are stocked with not only candy, but toys, coloring books, crayons, you name it. Recently, my son received a remote controlled Ford Bronco in his goody bag. I was floored. This is the point when you think to yourself, did I give them a gift of equal or more value? I hope I did. At that birthday party I gave their 3-year-old birthday boy Diego's Talking Rescue Pack, I hope it was equivalent to the Bronco and the two dolls my girls received for attending the party.

So anyway, back to admiring my friend's neatly organized and personlized goody bags. What was inside? Well, the kids wasted no time pillaging them when we got home. All the kids got: a chalkboard activity set that looked like it cost at least $10, a measuring tape, a pencil, 8 permanent markers (why, Noshi, why?), a lollipop known as a Clicker Licker (once your done with the lollipop, you have a toy that makes clicking sounds when you shake it), an inflatable soccer ball (butterflies on a stick for the girls), a note pad, stickers, a key chain, a paddle with a ball attached to it by an elastic string, and a bag full of candy that included M&M's, a couple of Pixie sticks full of sugar, and a giant lollipop as big as the children's face (is there a child alive who can possibly eat a lollipop this big in one sitting? Is it even safe to eat that much sugar?) The only thing missing was a partridge in a pear tree.

Well, the giant lollipops were licked twice and stuck to the carpet, the Pixie sticks were broken and sprinkled around the family room, and the permanent markers, holy hell, they opened all of them and started drawing pictures on their own legs, hands, arms, and tummies. While all this was happening, I was laying on the couch trying to rest and recover from attending the party. I hadn't slept much the night before and thought it would be a good idea to rest a bit while the children "played". By the time I noticed what had happened, the tatoo parlor the kids had opened up with the markers was in full swing. I initially got really mad looking at the mess, but then I realized, they're just kids. It's not their fault their Auntie Noshi went crazy over making goody bags and handed permanent markers to them (which I think is equivalent to handing car keys to a person who can't drive), and I really should have inspected the bag before I handed it to them, but oh well. I didn't get mad at them, I actually sat down to play with them. I'm always yelling at them for messes, it's time I started letting it go (I cleaned it up later). I drew pictures on their hands and my hands with the markers. Smiley faces, flowers, all that cheesey stuff. It's been a couple days since the event and the stains from the markers are just starting to disappear.

Well, this is getting really long so I'm just going to wrap it up. The point I want to make is, there really is no need to give so many things in goody bags, especially expensive things. I ended up having to throw those permanent markers away because they had started to write on the white carpeting with them. The giant lollipops, which cost Noshi $2 each (she left the price tag on by mistake), was just money down the drain. Instead of wasting money buying lollipops that were going to be licked twice and thrown away, I would have rather she saved that money. Or if she was really itching to buy my kids something, just go to the Dollar Store and buy them a book. Books are something that last much longer than sugar, and always please both the kids and the parents. I don't care about the quantity or cost of the items in a goody bag, it's the thought that really counts, and I would much rather have my kids receive one book each, than a bag full of sugar and toys I'm eventually going to trip on, and throw away.

photo source

The New Face of the Yellow Wiggle

2006-12-13T16:35:00.000-05:00

If you haven't heard the sad news yet, Greg Page (The original Yellow Wiggle) has retired from the Wiggles due to a horrible illness and has passed his yellow shirt to 27 year old Sam Moran, his understudy. I know for sure one of my friends is going to be heartbroken over this news. Greg was her favorite. I personally have a preference for the Blue Wiggle, Anthony, but I'm going to miss Greg. He has a very sweet way of letting the children know about his departure in a video on the Wiggles website, in which he ceremoniously passes his yellow shirt to the new Yellow Wiggle, Sam Moran. The whole scene is very reminiscent of the infamous Blues Clues episode where Steve "left for college" and introduced Joe to the kids.

My son watched Greg's video today showed neither sadness nor happiness. He was completely indifferent to the change. I, however, felt really sad for Greg after I saw the video. This was a man who really loved what he did, and it's painful to watch him suffer and not be able to sing and dance like he used to, or wants to, anymore. Also, I can't believe he's only 34 years old! I always thought he was a little older, and it is frightening that someone who seemed to be in the prime of their health could be debilitated by a disease at such an early age. My heart goes out to Greg.

On a lighter note, I do think Sam is rather cute and should be fun to watch. The news so far is that the kids have accepted Sam as the new Yellow Wiggle without any problems. Children really don't care who's doing the entertaining as long as someone is doing it. It's the Moms, on the other hand, who are going to need a little more time adjusting to the change. Especially the ones who answer "Greg" to the question "Which Wiggle would you do?", (a game nearly every mother has played in her head or with her friends at least once.) I really don't mind Sam's addition to the Wiggles, mainly because I'm an Anthony fan. I'm sure if Anthoney were to ever retire, then I'd truly be a mess.

Vintage Wiggles: The Four Creepiest Minutes on Children's Television Ever

2006-12-12T00:54:00.000-05:00

When the Wiggles were just starting out (about 15 years ago), they didn't have a huge budget for "lights, camera, action", and relied mostly upon puppet shows to entertain children with their music.

This vintage Wiggles video is one of their earliest productions. I showed this to my four and two year old kids, and they didn't find it freaky at all, but I about died by the time the Captain Feathersword puppet appeared.

Friday Fun Links

2006-12-08T11:50:00.000-05:00

Here are some fun links, some old, some new, but all worth a look.

This video is the best Nintendo Wii commercial you'll never see on TV (via YouTube)

KKKKramer, this picture is worth a thousand words (College Humor)

I like Vaseline for all its mulitude of uses, but Tyra Banks is just crazy about it! (Wampoon)
Tyra's reaction to Vaseline is what mine would be the day my twins finally get potty trained.

Amy Poehler Blasts the Coochie Flashers on SNL, plus my two cents. (Celebitchy)

The Video of Amy Poehler Blasting the Coochie Flashers (Celebitchy)

Laura Bush's Fashion Nightmare, this dress really got around (Celebitchy)

Britney Spears may have shacked up with Mario Lopez for two days (Celebitchy)

This Dora the Explorer toy looks more like a vibrator than a toy for little kids (Agent Bedhead)

Do Indian guys have small weiners? Hmm, no comment, but Neel Shah is a hottie! (Gawker)

And here's an extra special treat for the weekend, an extreme close-up of Teri Hatcher.

Yikes! If this is what bathing in red wine does to your skin, no thanks, I'll stick to soap and water.

Teri Hatcher photo via WWTDD

Jumping Monkeys

2006-12-06T14:19:00.000-05:00

It was a busy morning at my house this morning. It all started last night when the kids decided to jump like monkeys on my bed. That's the latest thing with them. They pull the comforter off my bed and pretend it's a giant trampoline. Well, as the old saying goes, it's all fun and games until someone gets a tooth knocked loose, and that's exactly what happened.

I had my back turned to the event because I was in the bathroom pre-pasting everyone's toothbrushes. Our usual bedtime routine is that all the kids wash-up at the sink, wash their hands, brush their teeth (I help the twins) and wash their face. We have one kiddie stool set-up in front of the sink, so everyone basically stands in assembly line to wash up.

I could hear the kids jumping and laughing while I was in the bathroom and just thinking "All I have to do now is help them wash up, and then I can finally put them to sleep. Yeah!" when I heard what sounded like two coconuts crashing together. I turned around and came back to find Bigger Twin (the older twin) running away from the scene while the Littlest Twin (the younger one) was bleeding from her mouth. My son freaked out and said, "Call 911!!" and started crying. He was not going to be much of a help from this point, and the husband, as usual, had locked himself in the basement to pay bills and follow up on the after hour e-mails from work (he never stops working).

So Littlest Twin is spewing blood from her mouth while the other two kids are freaking out in the corner of the room. I was trying to control the bleeding with a washcloth while trying to find out exactly what happened and where in her mouth the blood was coming from. I had a feeling her chin came crashing down on top of her sister's head (hence that coconut crashing sound) but I didn't know exactly what got damaged inside her mouth. Did she bite her tongue, her lip? I took her to the sink so she could rinse out her mouth, and finally I saw that the blood was actually coming from the gum line around her lower front teeth.

I immediately called her pediatrician, who asked me to check if the teeth were loose. Littlest Twin shrieked when I touched her teeth, but they appeared not to move when I tried to wiggle them. The doctor said to give her Motrin and have her examined by the dentist tomorrow.

So this morning, after I dropped my son off at pre-school, we headed to our dentist, who is an absolute angel. She's so good with kids. The receptionist had to laugh as she was writing up the reason for the visit. She said, "This reminds me of that nursery rhyme, Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed, except it's three little monkeys." After the dentist checked her teeth and took an x-ray, we found out her lower front teeth ARE loose, but will probably become more resilient over the next few weeks as her gums heal and tigten up again. She's allowed only soft foods for the next two weeks, and this means no more cookies for her. She can't bite anything with her front teeth, anything she needs to eat has to be soft and broken down into pieces so she can pick it up with her hands or a spoon and push it to the back of her mouth to chew.

When we came home, she didn't quite understand this and was begging for a brownie. She was hungry, and I didn't realize this at the time, but this morning she refused to eat her waffle at breakfast, and now I know it was because she couldn't bite into it. I had planned on giving her some fried eggs and buttered toast and making small bites out of it to feed her, but she really didn't want to wait that long. I figured I'd let her see for herself and gave her a brownie while I cooked the eggs for the twins' lunch. Once she had the brownie in her hands, she hesitated to bite it (thank goodness for natural defense mechanisms). While her sister was happily munching away at the brownies, Littlest Twin looked up at me and said, "I don't have teeth." I felt sorry for her, and since the brownie was soft enough to chew on her back teeth, I broke it down into tiny pieces for her so she could pick them up and eat them. Kind of like what you would do for a 9-month old. However, I'm glad her instincts are helping her take precautions against putting pressure on those teeth, the area around them has turned purple and looks pretty scary, but she'll be better soon. The doctor said it would be nice if she could eat a popsicle, but she has an aversion to cold foods other than ice cream. She's very stubborn.

Well, that's it for the drama in my life for now. Just when I think I can relax and everything is finished for the day, another disaster strikes. But I am going to start implementing a new rule in the house tonight. No more monkeys jumping on the bed! Seriously, she's very lucky. Judging from the amount of trauma dealt to her teeth, she's lucky she didn't bite down on her tongue. That would have most definitely warranted a call to 911, which I've learned through prior experience, is like trying to communicate with a hamster if you're on Vonage.

Close, But No Pants

2006-12-06T13:32:00.000-05:00

So Brit Brit finally decided to wear panties, and she flashed them to the paps to prove it.

Nice. Maybe next time she'll remember to wear her pants as well.

photos via I'mNotObsessed

Teri Hatcher Bathes in Red Wine

2006-12-04T22:09:00.000-05:00

According to a new book, The Black Book of Hollywood Secrets, the secret behind Teri Hatcher's soft and smooth skin is bathing in red wine. Not a whole tub full of wine, but a cup of red wine added to the bath water, with rose petals sprinkled on top to make the experience extra special.

The polyphenols found in grapes jump-start circulation to reveal healthier glowing softer skin. The book advises, pour one cup of red wine (don't worry about stains on skin or tub) into a warm bath, put a few rose petals on top, jump in, and stay for 20 minutes. Teri Hatcher uses old wine and lets the sediments sink to the bottom of the tub. "I scoop them up in the tub and use them as an exfoliant. The only bad thing is you can't drink the whole bottle of wine," she says.

I've heard that Cleopatra used to bathe in goat's milk to keep her skin soft, but the idea of bathing in red wine is new to me. It sounds very interesting, but I guess you would actualy have to have the time to take a bath to experience the benefits of this beauty treatment. Other beauty secrets revealed in this book: Jennifer Aniston uses Neutrogena soap on her face and Mischa Barton curls her hair with velcro rollers (yawn). But according to the book review on Amazon, the book also reveals the beauty secrets of stars like Catherine Zeta-Jones, Beyoncé Knowles, and Charlize Theron. I might check it out the next time I take my kids to play trains at B&N.

photo via WWTDD

Salma Hayek's Smoking Hot Black Bag

2006-11-30T13:40:00.000-05:00

Have you seen this black bag Salma Hayek has been carrying on the Ugly Betty show? It's become my latest obsession. I love it. It's the Francesco Biasia Aphrodisiac Trapezoid Tote, and it's now at the top of my most wanted list.

I love the woven leather and the big handles on this bag, they make it look both stylish and sturdy at the same time. According to all the fashion mags, the "it" bag of the moment is a big black leather bag with brass-toned hardware, and this bag definitely fits the bill. The Francesco Biasia Aphrodisiac Trapezoid Tote is available at Zappos.com for $391.95, and the shipping is free.

Ugly Betty screencap via Salma Hayek Web

Aishwarya Rai Without Makeup, Looking Depressed

2006-11-29T10:24:00.000-05:00

Aishwarya Rai is looking really depressed lately. It seems her horoscope is not good, and won't be compatible for a marriage to her Umrao Jaan co-star Abhishek Bachchan. Aishwarya recently went to a temple in Varanasi with Abhishek, and his family, which included Big B, Jaya, and Abhishek's sister, Shweta. They were thronged by paparazzi, and it seems like catching candid photos of Bollywood celebs is now coming in vogue in India.

I must say it's nice to see her without makeup. Now I don't feel so fug.

Here's a glimpse of Aishwarya with her future (or possbily current) in-laws. You can see Big B Amitabh in the front, Jaya in the orange sari, and the Shweta behind Jaya. Abhishek is the one pulling on his ear behind Aish. The whole family is here to pray for Aishwarya. Question is, where is Aishwarya's family? Shouldn't they be praying for her too?

all photos via aishwarya-forever.com

Goodbye K-Fed, Hello Vag Slips

2006-11-28T00:13:00.000-05:00

Paris and Britney, breast friends forever!

Any hopes I had of Britney bringing her career back came to a screeching halt the minute she decided to become BFF's with Paris Hilton. It's like watching a freaking train wreck. First they're out partying till 5 am every night, then her boobs are hanging all over the place, and now "Little Miss Sunshine" has joined the Vag Slip Club, you know, that one! The one were Paris Hilton is not only a member, but also the Head Recruiter.

Check out these photos at X17online, ewww. Paris without underwear, I can understand, she can't help it. But Brit, for heaven's sake, she's a mother of two children. That's so not hot.

photo via Egotastic

UPDATE: Holy Hell! Britney's showing us more than we could have ever imagined! What Would Tyler Durden Do has all the nasty NSFW pics. Not only is Britney showing off her vag, she's showing off her C-Section Scar too!!! (Thanks for the link Celebitchy!)

Warning: Clicking on this pic will lead you to a giant NSFW view of where Brit's kids were conceived, and the point from which they were delivered. Click at your own risk. Meow!

Punjabi Film in English: Basheera in Trouble!

2006-11-27T22:56:00.000-05:00

When I was younger, I had many close friends whose parents spoke English with a heavy Punjabi accent. Words like "sweetie" were pronounced "saveetie", "do not" was pronounced "donut", and the city of Scranton was pronounced "Suck-a-rrranton" (the "r" was rolled). It was these very friends who introduced me to this skit from a Pakistani comedy show called Fifty Fifty. Very popular during the late 70's and early 80's, Fifty Fifty was a weekly comedy show very similar to Saturday Night Live, and the skits were always hilariously funny. By the mid 1980's, all the episodes were available on VHS (which is how I saw them) for ex-pats living overseas, and now in the year 2006, they are all available on YouTube. High Five!

This skit, a fake trailer for Pakistan's first Punjabi film in English, is by far my favorite Fifty Fifty skit of all time. Aptly titled Basheera in Trouble, it pokes innocent fun at the accent and the story lines seen in some Punjabi films.

My favorite scene is at the end, where the guy puts his pagar(turban) down on the floor and says, "My prestige is under your feet, don't kick it, don't kick it!". I also like how that guy in the beginning says "suppose". He's got style.

My Fashion Emergency: Dressing Down

2006-11-20T18:39:00.000-05:00

While everyone was focused on the biggest inter-galactic wedding of the century this weekend, I was having a fashion emergency of my own. My husband's co-worker was having a Christening for his baby at an Italian Restaurant and I had absolutely nothing to wear. I always find it tricky to dress for non-South Asian (non-desi) functions. I've seen either the guests at these parties dress up with fancy gowns and jewelry, or they dress like it's business casual day at the office. My problem is, I'm so used to attending dinner parties and functions thrown by South Asians, I tend to overdress. And wear too much makeup. I've learned the hard way that at non-desi functions, a good rule of thumb is to pretend like you're dressing up for a desi function, and then tone it down by two notches. Three, if you're like me.

Of course, when I did this and looked at my closet, I realized I had nothing to wear. I had some nice dressy black pants that I could probably squeeze into if I put on two pairs of Spanx , but the one green twinset I had from Ann Taylor had been seen too many times by my husband's co-workers at other events, and there was no way I was wearing the sparkly white twinset my Mom bought me last year with black pants. I didn't want to be confused with the waitress.

So I forced the husband to watch the kids and headed off to Lohemann's to find something decent to wear. Loehmann's is one of my favorite stores to shop for designer clothes, right up there with TJ Maxx and Marshall's. It takes a little work to find what you're looking for, but you really do end up saving alot of money.

Now the last Christening I went to, everyone was dressed up in fancy gowns and lots of sparkly jewelry. Despite reminding myself I had to tone it down, I got carried away and started trying on party dresses. I'm super self-conscious about my boobs (trust me ladies, bigger is not better!), and I didn't like how most of the dresses for women my age were cut. Too low, and too sexy. This was a Christening, not a dance party. After trying on several outfits, I came back with this dress that was hung under the "Mother of the Bride" sign at the store. It was the only dress I could find that didn't have a V down to "there" and looked modest. Yeah, I'm a prude when it comes to dresses, I know.

When I got home and tried it on to show my husband, he took one look at me and said, "God damn, you look like Driving Miss Daisy, what were you thinking?"

"What's wrong with it?" I asked. I thought it looked pretty cute.

He said, "First of all, this is a Christening, you're too overdressed. Second of all, this dress looks like something an older lady would wear, like Queen Elizabeth for tea. Just wear something normal."

So I returned the dress and headed to Marshall's, which on Saturday was BCBG heaven. I love anything by BCBG, especially when it's on 65% discount. I found a blue twinset with crystals on it in my size (XL baby, I live large) and wore it with the black pants I already owned (I actually only needed one pair of Spanx) and in the end, thought I looked presentable for both a fancy and not-so-fancy party. The husband agreed.

When I went to the Christening, guess what most of the women were wearing? Black pants with sweaters. Some of them twinsets, some of them pastel cashmeres, and some of them in Christmas motifs with snowflakes and reindeer on them (OMG!). Despite trying to dress down, I still managed to wear a sweater that was a little more than what everyone else was wearing, but at least I hit the mark with the black pants.

Oh well. My motto is, you live and learn. Next time I'll just be one of those pests and call the hostess to ask her "What are you wearing?" instead of playing the guessing game. If I had known that it would've been acceptable to wear sweaters with reindeer on them, I could have saved the shopping trip altogether, but I do love the new twinset. My closet can always use a little extra BCBG.

dress photo via, smartbargains.com

The Secret Behind Katie's Wedding Shoes

2006-11-20T18:31:00.000-05:00

They were ballet flats! They had to be. It was either that, or Katie shrunk.

For more details on all the gossip behind the TomKat wedding, check out People Magazine's TomKat Blog. It's got all the news I'm too lazy to talk about.

And Now for Something Completely Different...Posh in a Hefty Cinch Sak

2006-11-15T17:07:00.000-05:00

Holy Hefty Cinch Sak, Batman! What is this? Is this the latest creation Posh dreamed up while multitasking in her bubble bath?

I don't know if this cinched garbage bag number is from Posh's new fashion line (to be released in January 2007), but if this is the preview, I don't want to see the rest. Well, maybe I do.... but just for shits and giggles.

photo via People

***This post is also posted on Celebitchy***

Loreal's Secret Distribution Mess

2006-11-14T16:11:00.000-05:00

I didn't plan to talk about Aishwarya Beige or the nonsense that is Star Secrets again, but 1.) I got a few blank calls from someone with the caller ID "Loreal" at my home and 2.) I've been getting a lot of hits on my blog lately coming from the following Google queries, "Aishwarya Beige", "where can I buy Aishwarya Beige?", "where to buy Star Secrets?", "Star Secrets Aishwarya Beige", "Aishwarya Rai's Makeup How to Get the Look". You get the picture. I can understand the queries for the Aishwarya Beige lipstick, but for someone from Loreal to actually do the extra sleuthing and call me at my home, that's creeping me out a little. Hey, I'm just a blogger with an opinion, that's all.

To be fair, I don't hate all Loreal products. I believe their Le Grand Kohl eyeliners are the best beauty bargain out there, and their ReNoviste Glycolic Peel Kit is the only product that lives up to its promise of evening out your skin tone after only one application. I love ReNoviste and have noticed better results from this product alone than using months of prescription strength Differin gel.

However, if there was ever an award for the "Worst Marketing and Distribution Campaign Ever" it would go to Loreal, for completely screwing up what could have been the most lucrative, international launch of a lipstick line ever. Because of their slow response and indecisive plan of how to launch and distribute this lipstick worldwide, they have lost a considerable amount in potential profits and caused mass hysteria amongst women on the internet, especially those seeking the ever elusive Aishwarya Beige lipstick.

I have yet to find an actual Star Confessions (or is it Star Secrets again? whatever they can't make up their mind) display at a local Walgreens or Target. Neither has Loreal offered the line for sale on its website. Why has Loreal made it so difficult to make the Star Secret lipsticks available to consumers, especially U.S. consumers? I'm seeing the commercials for the Star Secrets flashed during every episode of Desperate Housewives, with Aishwarya, Eva, and Andie walking around with their lipsticks like they're hot stuff, so I see they are continuing to hype it. But what's the use if no one can readily buy it? I think the people who live in the bigger cities have found it at a local retailer at some point, but those of us who live in West Bumblefuck, U.S.A. haven't seen a glimpse of it.

Meanwhile, savvy entreprenuers on eBay have zeroed in on Loreal's distribution problem (or lack thereof) and have taken it upon themselves to fill the void in demand for the most popular of the shades, Aishwarya Beige. In true economic fashion, it's priced at a huge profit margin for the seller. An $8 dollar tube of Aishwarya Beige lipstick is selling on Ebay for almost $30 dollars. That's almost four times the retail price! But you know what, it serves Loreal right. I think the "wizards" behind the entire Star Secrets/Confessions M&D campaign deserve the loss in sale, and furthermore, need to go back to business school to take a lesson in how the internet affects supply and demand in today's economy. What's the point of getting famous international faces to promote your product if you can't even create a market to sell it in?

Nigella Lawson Appreciation Day

2006-11-10T16:01:00.000-05:00

There are many reasons I love Nigella Lawson. She's smart, she's beautiful, she's a great mom to her two kids, and she's into unfussy food and easy entertaining. She's a real mom who keeps it real. But most of all, she's not afraid to bake a decadent chocolate cake and eat it straight off the cake plate. She will never be one of those women you see at a birthday party who says, "Just give me a very small slice please," and then unjoyfully eat a sliver-sized piece of cake. No, Nigella will indulge in a full hunk of cake and relish every moment of it. She lives her life to the fullest, and makes no apologies for loving her pasta, and that's why I deem today, Nigella Lawson Appreciation Day.

Cojo's Quote of the Week

2006-11-10T15:18:00.000-05:00

"If I ever see a woman with chipped nail polish on her nails, I'll walk right over and smack her over the head with my grocery bag. Unkempt is not fashionable, there is simply no excuse for it." Steven Cojocaru, as quoted on the Rachel Ray show.

Oh snap, Cojo! Point taken, but sometimes you’ve gotta cut a mom a break on this one. Doing things like dishes and diapers is not exactly manicure-friendly work. Besides, isn’t it a bigger fashion crime for a grown man to to think it’s “fashionable” to dress up like Chastity Bono? I’m just sayin’.

Britney Dumps K-Fed and is Coming Back in Style

2006-11-08T16:35:00.000-05:00

I was upset when I heard that Ryan and Reese were splitting up, but when I heard the news today that Britney finally dumped that lazy bum husband of hers, I was ecstatic. And I'm not alone, I don't think there has ever been this much celebration or happiness over a couple breaking up since, well,...never! Britney's looking good, and I'm glad she finally got the sense to knock K-Fed to curb. I'm so happy for her.

Pink is the New Blog is my favorite "All-Britney All the Time" site right now, he's got the details on everything. Check it out.

And Britney could very well make this Gap sweater the new "must-have" item of the winter, especially for girls getting their groove back. People has all the details on how you can copy her look, although they recommend wearing a shirt under the sweater for modesty. I don't really mind how the sweater looks on Britney, though. I think she's been through so much hell with K-Fed, she deserves to get her sexy on. Go Britney!

photo via People Magazine

The Hamster Dance, Whored Out Bollywood Style

2006-11-02T18:37:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I did this post a while ago on Celebitchy and put this video up to show how similarly slutty Paris Hilton and Rakhi Sawant's music videos were, and The Blemish noted that Rakhi Sawant was doing a sexy version of the Hamster Dance. Now I'm a little behind on the music trends, I had no idea what the Hamster Dance was, but found time to google it today, and by golly, he was right!

Here's the original version, innocent hamsters doing an innocent little dance and spreading joy around the world. I let my kids watch this and they enjoyed it very much.

So now that you've got that funky beat stuck in your head, take a look at this. Here's the whored out Bollywood version of the hamster dance, starring my all-time favorite "skank I love to hate" Rakhi Sawant. My kids are not allowed to look at this one, but you can. Don't worry, it's slutty, but it's not porn. (The guys are really gonna love this one!)

Barry Manilow is Torn Between Martha Stewart and Rachel Ray

2006-11-02T17:44:00.000-05:00

Rachel to Martha: "Bring it bitch, Oprah's got my back!"

Barry Manilow had a busy morning in New York City today, and it was all because Rachel Ray wanted Barry Manilow on her show the same day and same TIME SLOT her rival Martha Stewart had booked him. Both Rachel Ray and Martha Stewart have their cooking-based talk shows on at 10 AM, but Rachel's is on ABC and Martha's is on NBC. Originally, Barry was supposed to perform on Rachel's show tomorrow, but "Rach" changed the plan at the last minute and made him come today. Martha was pissed and let Rachel have it on her show this morning.

"I've never actually met Rachael Ray," said Martha during her opening monologue, with a rather unmistakable chortle. "I think she's very fun...lively...uh...young woman," continued the domestic queen, racking her brain for adjectival possibilities. "She has Barry on her show today ... Now that's kinda weird."

Martha went on to claim that Rachael had originally scheduled the Manilow show for tomorrow, but for some reason moved up his appearance to today, and then wagged a stern verbal finger in Ray's face, saying, "I don't know ... I think it's not ... great for the artist."

I actually saw this happen on TV this morning. Normally I don't watch Martha, but I was watching the Today Show, and stayed tuned because Martha had appeared with Barry Manilow during the news segment and said, "I've got Barry Manilow on the show today," so me, being the lifetime Barry Manilow fan that I am, stayed tuned and saw it all fold out. After Barry performed on Martha's show, he must have have booked it to ABC, because by the time he appeared on Rachel's set (I kept switching between both channels, I'm a loser I know) Barry was huffing and puffing like he ran a marathon to get there. I clocked him, it took him about 25 minutes to get from NBC studios to ABC. Did he run? Did he use a cab? It's been a while since I've been in Manhattan so I don't really know how far the distance is with the traffic these days, but the poor guy looked exhausted. However, Barry Manilow, being the timeless performer that he is, still managed to put on a good performance at both shows. Normally, I'm not a huge fan of Martha Stewart, but in this case, I have to agree, booking the same artist during the same time slot, on two different television shows in different studios really is not fair to the artist. Manilow sang "What the World Needs Now (Is Love Sweet Love)" on Rachel's show, and before he began to sing he said, "Boy could we ever use this song today." I bet there was a double entendre in that message. The war between Martha and Rachel has officially begun.

Move over women of The View, there's a new bitch fight brewing in town, and this time they've got Wusthof knives.

Martha Stewart/Rachel Ray photo credit: TMZ

Feet Don't Fail Me Now

2006-11-01T14:20:00.000-05:00

I know I'm a few days late and a couple candy corns short of posting this, but Happy Halloween ya'll. The kids got tons of candy, and for the first time, we actually ran out of candy to give out. We had to start dipping into the loot the kids brought home just to please the monsters ringing our doorbell. The kids didn't know about the candy embezzlement, I snuck the candy away when they weren't looking. But it was all good, I'd rather sugar up someone else's kids than my own. I need my sleep.

Other than that, life is just busy as usual. Last night, I finally decided to get off my self-loathing "my life sucks and I'm so fat" trip and decided to go back to the gym. Working out always makes me feel better, and I think the main reason I've been so out of it lately is that I've been just wallowing in self-pity and eating too much junk. I was thinking of calling my Dad up to mail me some Zoloft because I just can't take the stress of the kids and not having any time to myself, I mean I can't even go to the bathroom without an audience of three watching me, but I stopped myself and decided to give the gym a try first. Besides, I knew that was what my Dad was going to say anyway, to try exercising first because it helps "balance seratonin levels".

So anyway, yesterday I told the husband I'm feeding the kids their dinner early and the minute he gets home, I'm going to the gym and he's going to be on duty for the rest of the night. He came home, I grabbed my bag and ran out the door. I was already dressed for the gym, in fact, I am perpetually dressed for the gym, (t-shirts and sweatpant are my daily garb), but once I pulled into the gym's parking lot, I realized I had forgotten one crucial thing, my sneakers. In my haste to make it out the door, I had slipped on a pair of black loafers. My gym wouldn't allow me to workout without the sneakers so I had to drive back home. To and fro, it was about a 45 minute drive, but you know it wasn't so bad after all. The drive actually cleared my head and I got to listen to music that was not The Wiggles or about learning ABC's. By the time I got home, the kids were all getting into their jammies, so I thought I'll try to get to the gym tomorrow and went to sleep.

I'm going to try to make it to the gym again tonight, and make damn sure I put on my sneakers before I go. Feet don't fail me now!

Ugly Betty's Purse

2006-10-29T00:40:00.000-04:00

I absolutely love this new show Ugly Betty. It's very well-written and entertaining, and the main character Betty is so adorable, you can't help but fall in love with her. Even though she's supposed to be a style-challenged geek, the purse she carries on the show is super cute, and super affordable too. It's the Lucky Brand Jeans Large Patchwork Mailbag. Made of 100% leather, the purse matches well with most fall clothing. A basic black sweater and jeans outfit could be easily jazzed up with the addition of this bag. Plus, the design and the O-ring details are very similar in style to the famous Isabella Fiore Carina hobos, but for only a fraction of the price. The Lucky Patchwork Mailbag is $148, and is available at Macy's.

Ugly Betty episode image via Ugly Betty Blog

Dhoom 2 Trailer: Flashy, but What's the Plot?

2006-10-25T15:24:00.000-04:00

I was waiting for quite some time to see the trailer of Dhoom 2, the movie Aishwarya Rai was ordered to lose 10 lbs. for over the summer. Aish is already so skinny, I really don't know what this obsession is with movie directors making thin actresses become even more thin, but whatever. She looks good, but none of these actors really look Indian anymore. I actually liked seeing the old Bollywood actresses like Sridevi, dance with a little junk in the trunk and big bellies in ghagra cholies, but now, everyone is so buffed. Take a look at Bipasha Basu in the movie trailer, she looks just like Angelina Jolie's character "Lara Croft" from Tomb Raider. The only thing I wish this trailer would tell me is what the heck this movie is all about. Images of Aish dancing in skimpy clothes, Hrthik doing some high tech train jumping and computer work, and Abhishek flying on a jet ski across dry land (yeah, that's right, he's flying on it!) is not really helping me. And Bipasha Basu dressed up like Lara Croft? I'm still trying to figure that one out. But the trailer is pretty flashy and action packed, so enjoy!

UPDATE: I got a little free time today and acted like a total loser. I listened to this video clip closely about three times to see if there were any clues as to what this movie is all about. It is well known amongst the Bollywood circle that the producers are trying to keep the plot a secret. From the clip, it seems this film is about a diamond heist, and all of the main characters are invovled somehow. Whatever the job is, the characters seem to be taking alot of breaks in between to do their obligatory song and dance routines. It seems like they mixed the story line from Mission Impossible with the 60's classic Beach Party. This is all pure speculation though, once the film has been released, we'll get a better clue as to which Hollywood film was plagiarized to create Dhoom 2. We all know originality has never been Bollywood's strong point.

The Healthiest Fast Food Nugget

2006-10-25T14:54:00.000-04:00

I resort to feeding my kids nuggets and fries from fast food chains more often that I would like to admit. It's just so convenient when you're out, and you can't beat getting a quick meal for three kids for under $5 bucks. Three orders of nuggets and a Biggie fries, our local Wendy's drive-thru person knows our "usual" by heart now.

The kids and I have always been partial to Wendy's nuggets. Out of all the top three fast food chains, (Burger King, McDonald's, and Wendy's), Wendy's has the best tasting nuggets. Plus, they are so soft, even a 7-month-old can eat them when torn into little pieces by a watchful parent.

The latest news is that our favorite nuggets and fries are also the healthiest. Wendy's nuggets and kid size fries now have Zero Grams Transfat, and are cooked in non-hydrogenated oil. So now, not only do I feel less guilty about giving my kids Wendy's, I can even indulge in some myself!

Sunday Night Creep Show

2006-10-23T16:27:00.000-04:00

Last night, my husband did me a favor and took the kids out to McDonald's for dinner. They have a Play Palace there where they can easily kill an hour or two. I stayed behind to "winterize" the closets. For me, winterizing means going through the entire inventory of the children's clothes, packing away spring/summer clothes in underbed storage boxes, and putting sweaters and warm clothes in their drawers instead. Basically, I'm getting the home ready for winter, and making it difficult for my son to dress himself in shorts and an Aloha Bob shirt when it's 40 degrees outside. I also use this chance to collect old, or too small clothing to donate to goodwill. We have a great service here provided by the Vietnam Vets group that actually picks up your used and unwanted items from your front porch. All you have to do is schedule a pickup and they come to your house and take it away. You don't even need to wake up early or be home for it, you can just leave it outside, and away it goes. And they don't just take away clothes, they take anything, even old toys, shoes, linens, and small items of furniture. This service is perfect for moms who have lots of kids and find it difficult to leave the home to run errands.

I had actually started this project last week, but it was taking some time because I could only devote a couple minutes each day out of our normal routine to work on it. Finally last night, I asked my husband to take the kids out so I could just finish the job in peace, especially when it came time to collecting old toys for goodwill. The kids kept taking all the toys out and remembering "oh, I like this, don't give this away." The husband left with the crew at around 8:30 pm and was going to be back by 10ish. For the first time in ages, I was all alone in the house!

I started the night by making myself dinner. I had Cup O' Noodles soup and a salad. Easy. It reminded me of college times when a cool meal was never easier than boiling some water and pouring it into sodium-laden ramen noodles in a styrofoam cup. Then I watched Desperate Housewives while I winterized the closets. When it was over, I channel surfed to find something else to watch (I'm not into that Brothers and Sisters show) and lo and behold where did my remote land me but VH1, where they had Hal Spark getting scared shitless in a haunted sanatorium! The show is called the Celebrity Paranormal Project, and it stars a group of five new B-list celebrities every week. It's very much like that show Fear they used to have on MTV a while ago starring random teenagers, but this time, with the addition of the famous celebrities, it's even better. It perfectly blends my love of the celeb life with my fascination with the paranormal, it's like watching E! and that show Most Haunted on the Travel Channel all at once.

photo VH1.

So the point is, five celebrities have to spend an entire night in a building deemed haunted. When I turned it on, Hal Sparks (of Talk Soup fame) was all alone on the fifth floor of the building and he suddenly sees a shadow of a little boy whizz by. And I saw it too! I've got DVR (it's kind of like Tivo) and I rewinded and replayed the clip in slow motion and damn, there was a little black shadow of a child! This wasn't magic, it was really there. Then later, Donna D'Errico, who had earlier said at base camp,"I'm not scared of the dark," is petrified and crying when a ghost of a doctor appears before here (it's captured on camera, it's really there in front of her!) and she is told she has to walk towards it to the stairs behind the ghost to get out of the building. She did, but cried the entire time. (I would too.)

By this time, I had lost all interest in winterizing the closets, I kept peeking at the doorway to make sure there was no ghost there and wishing my husband and kids would come home soon. Why did I have to watch a scary tv show when I was home all alone anyway? You'd think I would've changed the channel by now, but no, I'm a sucker for punishment, and I watched it through to the end. Hal Sparks got possessed by a spirit and drew pictures of a bloody hanging, Hal Sparks get pushed down the stairs by a ghost while a screaming Jenna Morasco is running for her life, Hal Sparks leads a seance to help the ghosts move to the next plane. It was clear by the end of the show, the ghosts had a thing for Hal Sparks, yet the one actor who wished he could get some ghost action on (and yet, not one ghost touched) was Gary Busey. Apparently, Gary has had three near-death experiences and thought if anyone was going to be able to communicate with the dead, it would be him, but no, the ghosts wanted Hal Sparks.

In all, the show is really great. I managed to survive it and am really looking forward to next weeks episode. Next week, a new cast of stars will spend a night in an abandoned haunted building that used to be an asylum for the criminally insane. The ghosts aren't just insane, they are criminally insane. One of the stars along for the spookfest is Tracey Bingham, I can't wait to watch her get scared. She was such a snob on Surreal Life.

By the time the show ended, the kids came back from McDonalds and were telling me about how much fun they had and how they got to eat ice cream sundaes. I was so happy to see them, I decided to save the rest of the winterizing for tomorrow. I obviously got seriously distracted by the creep show, but in hindsight, it was a good distraction. That's all I need sometimes, a little time to myself freaking myself out to remember what I value most in this world, my kids. I've been feeling really burned out lately, and was unwantedly taking it out on the kids by snapping at them for the littlest things. I've been feeling so guilty about it that I feel sometimes, that the only thing the kids are going to remember about me from this age is that mommy was tired and yelled all the time and was always doing laundry or dishes. I really do want to kick back and relax with the kids, I wish I could sit down and play with them, but there is just so much to do just to keep the house running. Honestly though, I think alot of the pressure is coming from me. I tend to put unnecessary demands on myself, and from time to time I need to remind myself to chill out and just calm down. The world won't end if the towels don't get washed today or if we order pizza for dinner two nights in a row. I guess, I just needed a rest for a couple of hours, and I needed to see that Spark that would turn me into "fun mom" again. I asked the husband if he could make the McDonald's thing a weekly occurrence, since it helped me recharge so much, to which he responded with a bewildred look and a "umm.....okay?" but I told him I was just kidding. Once a month will do just fine.

Random Conversation of the Day

2006-10-17T17:26:00.000-04:00

Remember when you were young and you thought all those people on your favorite TV shows actually lived inside the television? Well, this is the latest "Kids Say the Darndest Things" episode from my house. It happened while the kids were watching Blues Clues today.

R: "I want Joe from Blues Clues to come over to my house and play with me."

Me: "Okay, I'll call Nickelodeon and find out how we can do that."

R: "No, let's just break the TV screen and pull him out of there. Come on, let's do it."

Me: "I think your Dad would get mad if we broke the TV. Let's call Joe on the phone first and see if he can come here in his car."

R: "Okay."

Then I changed the channel and he forgot about it. For now.

photo source

Posh Gets Massively Stressed as a Mom

2006-10-17T16:32:00.000-04:00

Posh has recently talked about how "massivley stressed" out she gets juggling a career as a fashion icon and a mommy to her three kids. She often feels she has no time to herself. She says the key to helping her keep it all together is multi-tasking.

She said: “Being a mother’s taught me not to waste time faffing about in the
closet every morning. You learn how to get things done quicker, and often you do
them just as well.”

Posh, whose sons Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz are aged
seven, four and one, added: “Nowadays, I multitask, planning outfits while I’m
doing something else — getting ready for bed or taking a bath.

“Even
though I love getting dressed up, there’s always the risk of baby sick down my
front. That’s why I live in jeans and T-shirts.”

I think the fact that she even gets to relax and take a bath, and daydream about all the outfits she's going to wear disqualifies her from complaining about being stressed out as a mom. Maybe it's just me, but I find it hard to believe that someone who has access to nannies and whose "work out of the home" job involves dressing up in haute couture and looking pretty could feel so stressed. Ask someone who is spending all day with kids what stress is. I don't call dreaming about what outfit you are going to wear next while relaxing in a nice hot bubble bath multi-tasking. Nope. Multi-tasking is trying to cook dinner while preventing your kids from climbing onto the stove and trying to take a peek at what's cooking, or making a giant mess in the family room so you have more than just the kitchen to clean when you are done. Multi-tasking is breastfeeding twins at the same time while putting your son down for a nap. And finally, multi-tasking is trying to post a blog entry while one kid is pulling your hair and sitting on top of your shoulders, and simultaneously yelling at your other two kids, who are screaming and fighting with each other over who gets to crank call people on your cell phone. I'd be more than happy to trade places with Posh for a day, even if it's just to take that bath. Alone and in silence.

I also find it hard to believe Posh lives in jeans and t-shirts. She has said this before in several articles as well, but everytime she's out, she's dressed like a society woman with some really expensive handbag dripping from her arm. (That bag, by the way, is the Marc Jacobs Leopard Chain Link Satchel, available by special order only.) Perhaps she does so at home, after she gets out of her bath and takes all the time she needs to get ready while a nanny watches her kids.

photo source: Just Jared

Mystery of the Twins Solved

2006-10-13T14:03:00.000-04:00

I know this post is backdated, but that's because I started the attempt of writing this post last Friday. It's Sunday night right now and the kids and I are being plagued by The Cold That Will Never End. It started out as a flu, cleared up, and then came back as a sinus infection that turned me into The Resident Green Booger Wiper of the house. Now the kids are at that point where it's getting better (and clearer) but they are constantly needing a tissue to wipe their runny noses. I was doing it for them in the beginning but after a while, I just handed each of them a Kleenex box and let them learn the art of nose wiping by themselves (hey, I had to wipe my own nose too). We've gone through about two bottles of Children's Dimetapp Cold and Allergy in the past two weeks (I take this medicine as well) and needless to say, the cold has zapped me of any creative thought, so I thought I'd give you all an update on a dilemma I had mentioned over the summer.

After two years of wondering whether my twin daughters are identical or fraternal, I finally have the answer. They are IDENTICAL TWINS.

I had originally planned to have their DNA tested through Genetree's Twin Zygosity testing service, but when the kit arrived in the mail, it was impossible to get a DNA sample from either twin. The kit required that I swab the inside cheek of each baby, three times, place the cotton swabs in color coded envelopes and mail them back to the company for testing, along with a check for approximately $200. The girls refused to let me poke the inside of their cheeks with a cotton swab, not even once, not even while they were sleeping. After a couple of days of futile attempts, they developed so much hatred for that kit that they threw it away in their diaper pail. So after that episode, I gave up and decided I'd try to find out when they were 12 years old and more able to cooperate with me.

Time passed and I had completely forgotten about finding out the zygosity until one of my friends reminded me to check with the hospital where they were born. She's an OBGYN and said the hospital's pathology department should have that information on file, and should be able to provide me with the information I was seeking for FREE.

So I called the hospital and couldn't believe I waited this long to get the information they had on file for two years. When the pathologist told me that the tests done on the placenta revealed the girls were identical twins, with 100% accuracy, I was shocked. I was prepared to find out they were fraternal, because the twins look so different to me, but the doctor confirmed they are 100% identical. It's such an odd feeling. Perhaps it's my trained eye, or perhaps I just wanted to make sure I would never mix up their identities, but I can clearly see the difference in their eyes, face shape, and height. They look like two different individuals to me. Now that I have found out they are identical twins, it's difficult for me to start seeing how they are similar to each other after I have spent the past two years noticing all their differences. And apparently, my son and I were the only ones on the planet who thought they were fraternal twins (my son could always tell them apart, it was some kind of sibling magic). I told my neighbor the other day about the news, "Guess what, the girls are identical twins," and she responded with, "I could have told you that." It's like the "Big Duh News of the Day" to everyone who hears it.

It's really neat though, looking at them now. Identical twins don't run in my family, this is the first time something like this has ever happened. I remember when I first found out I was pregnant with twins, I was terrified I wouldn't be able to handle them, plus looking after my son (he was work enough). My uncle told me an old saying, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle, you'll be able to manage just fine," and somehow, I did. But at the time, I was convinced God had me confused with someone else!

Mario Lopez has a Secret Dancing Past

2006-10-12T13:24:00.000-04:00

Mario Lopez is sizzling on ABC's Dancing with the Stars. He claimed recently that he has had no formal dance experience other than break dancing with his buddies when he was a child. Come on, who's he kidding? Although Mario Lopez never sang, he was a background dancer on Kids Incorporated with Fergie and Martika for the longest time, and he also used to dance on Saved by the Bell. YouTube has a plethora of old Kids Incoroporated clips you can find Mario dancing in, but the funniest one I found was this one (from a recent Jimmy Kimmel broadcast) where he's a dancing pirate.

In this next one, Mario dances as "A.C. Slater" on Saved by the Bell

No formal dance experience, eh? This guy seems to have been dancing since he was in his mother's womb.

Paris Hilton and Her Bag Full O' Pot

2006-10-09T02:08:00.000-04:00

This inside of Paris Hilton's Balenciaga purse was recently photographed by hungry photogs when she opened it to re-apply her tacky nail polish. Inside, a bag full of pot was seen, or is it really pot? To me, it looks an awful lot like betel nuts, (or chalia, or supari, as it's known in Asian countries), but Paris has never struck me as the type to chew betel nuts. Check out my post on Celebitchy and decide for yourself.

Brangelina and Maddox Take a Rickshaw Ride

2006-10-09T01:19:00.000-04:00

I knew there would be more photos of Brangelina in India. Here, Brad and Angie decided to take Maddox on a rickshaw ride on the streets of Pune. They only managed to ride in it for 20 minutes before they decided to head back to the hotel. The paparazzi were being relentless and wouldn't stop chasing them.

Aww, too bad they had to cut the ride short. I used to ride in a rickshaw in Karachi when I used to visit relatives there and it was pretty fun. The maximum occupancy allowed is three, but some people used to ghetto it and squeeze in four or five, especially if the fourth and fifth people were toddlers who could sit on laps. It's a shame Brangelina can't even go for a joyride without being trailed by the photogs.

Also, on a similar note, I was speaking to my sister the other day and we were wondering why we never see paparazzi shots of Bollywood celebrities. We never see Aishwarya Rai ducking for cover under her handbag as she walks into a mall, or Rekha without her makeup. Every photo, even in Indian tabloids like Stardust, comes from a staged photo session where the celeb is informed in advance there will pictures taken so they better get their makeup on and fix their attitude. My sister said she thinks there are some laws in India that protect Bollywood celebs from being chased by paparazzi, and celebs can actually call the cops and have paparazzi arrested for invading their privacy and following them. Maybe my Indian readers can help me out here, (I've never been to India, so I wouldn't know), are they're laws protecting Bollywood celebs from paparazzi? Are the only reason the Indian paparazzi are out in full swing these days is because Angelina and Brad are not Indian and aren't protected by the same laws that protect Bollywood celebs? Enquiring minds want to know.

Photos are from Reuters

Freaky Link of the Night, Fergie's Blast From the Past

2006-10-09T00:38:00.000-04:00

Before Fergie Ferg became a hit singer, she was a young, confused, innocent girl on the Disney show Kids Incorporated. I used to watch this show when I was little and had no idea that this girl would one day become a famous musician. In the link below, the problem is not with Fergie singing Lionel Richie's "Say You, Say Me", the problem is....... there's a a freaky Clown in the background practicing his yo-yo skills and planning to do something diabolical with a broomstick! When you're a kid you don't pick up on this stuff. Years later, when you are watching it from a parent's point of view, you wonder how this show managed to pass Disney's pedophile radar. I realize now that Kids Incorporated was one creepy show with heinous subliminal messages.

Watch the Video at: The In and Outs

I still don't know why clowns are considered funny. To this day, I find them scary as hell.

photo source: complex.com

Brangelina are in Pune, India

2006-10-06T14:42:00.000-04:00

Brangelina and their three children have descended in Pune (pronounced Poona), India to begin filming A Mighty Heart, the story about the kidnapping and murder of journalist Daniel Pearl. Angelina Jolie will be playing Daniel's wife, Marianne. Even though the actual event happened in Karachi, Pakistan, the film will be shot in Pune because Bollywood actor Irfaan Khan (who plays a Pakistani agent in the movie) was denied a visa to Pakistan.

Everyone involved in the production is under strict confidentiality agreement not to leak the whereabouts of the Brangelinas to the press, but that didn't stop the Indian paparazzi from staking out their hotel to get the money shot.

The hotel where Brangelina is currently staying, Le Meridien.

The Indian paparazzi in the lobby are told to stay the fuck away by hotel management.

So the paparazzi decide to hover over the parking deck in hopes of getting a glimpse of the family arriving to the hotel.

The Brangelinas arrive in a Mercedes minibus

And finally, the money shot. We get to see Angelina walking into the hotel. No pics of the rest of the family yet, but I'm sure they'll be on the internet soon enough. I'm curious to see what kind of baby gear Angelina packed for this trip. I can't believe I just wrote that, but yes people, I really have no life. How pathetic am I? I could be doing something more productive with my time right now but no, I am sitting here on my laptop voraciously viewing pictures of Brangelina walking into a hotel in India, wondering if she packed a Bugaboo or a Plikomatic for her trip. I'm so obsessed.

A big huge thank you to Just Jared, for the awesome pics!

B is for Benz

2006-10-04T16:58:00.000-04:00

My son's preschool teacher told me the funniest story when I dropped him off at school this morning. Apparently R has made no secret of the fact that he is obsessed with luxury cars. He always notices the logos on the toy cars at school and only plays with the BMW or Mercedes ones. Sometimes Volkswagon, but it's always some luxury import. He's even made a friend, AJ, who shares his love of the BMW and all things automotive.

So this Monday, the class was learning about the letter B. When the teacher asked the class, "Can you name something that begins with the letter 'B'?" my son responded with, "Benz. B is for Benz."

I was surprised because I thought he would have responded with "B is for BMW" but I guess his tastes are changing. Well, as long as he's satisfied with the dinky-sized model cars, I think I shouldn't have a problem until he gets his driver's license, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

Aishwarya Rai Finally Wears Aishwarya Beige

2006-10-04T01:11:00.000-04:00

At the recent release of the Umrao Jaan music CD in India, Aishwarya Rai showed up wearing a cream sari with a bra top and, finally, the famous Aishwarya Beige lipstick. So this people, is what Loreal's Aishwary Beige lipstick looks like on Aishwarya Rai. I'm still sticking to my guns and saying this lipstick does abslutely nothing for South Asian skintones. I know some people will disagree with me, but I think this shade washes her out and is just plain boring. The only reason this lipstick shade even looks half normal on her is because she has vamped up her eyemakeup. For a lipstick to pass my test, it has to look good with no other makeup on my face. If I have to put on a full face of makeup and do the whole smokey eye thing just to make a lipstick appear, it's not worth it.

She still looks pretty though, and that cream sari looks really nice. But she should have worn a lipcolor with a hint of pink in it, I think that would have complemented her skin tone and the sari much better. I'm thinking MAC Hug Me with MAC Plum lipliner, that would have looked really nice.

Kate Winslet Wants to Be a Stay at Home Mom

2006-10-04T00:22:00.000-04:00

Kate Winslet has announced that she wants to give up acting and be a stay at home mom for one year. She has two children ages 5 and 2, and she wants to "watch them grow and just enjoy the feeling of being very motherly."

She doesn't just want to be "motherly", she wants to be "very motherly." I feel very guilty now that even though I spend 24-7 with my kids, I don't feel very "motherly" all the time. In fact, most of the time, I'm wishing someone competent enough to handle all three of them could swoop in at a moment's notice and give me a break. I guess when Kate's at work she daydreams about being with her kids, but when I'm with my kids, I daydream about how nice it would be to be a movie star, or just get away from them and get some sleep. Or maybe take a shower once in a while, a shower would be nice.

My mom's been telling me for a while to hire some help but I've been resisting because it's hard to find someone I can trust with my kids. Plus there's the cost, childcare for three doesn't come cheap. But I'm starting to get burned out doing it all by myself, I think that looking into finding a reliable babysitter might be a good idea, even if its just for a couple of hours a week.

photo source: Celebitchy

Steal Mahima's Chic Look

2006-09-28T01:04:00.000-04:00

I love Mahima's outfit here. She's totally in style for fall with the monochromatic look (black is back!), and I like how she added a little fun to the outfit with layers of beaded jewelry. You can steal this look from Old Navy by pairing a long belted black cardigan with black capris or skinny jeans. Old Navy even has the ethnic jewelry to match. Wear a black camisole tank under the cardigan if you don't want to show too much cleavage.

Old Navy Belted Cardigan, $34.50

This necklace can be wrapped twice around your wrist to make a bracelet. Red Coral necklace, $9.99.

And let's not forget the lipstick. I've found the perfect nude lipstick to go with this outfit. It's called Nepal, by Vasanti Cosmetics. Use Vasanti lipliner in Nile with it, and top it off with Norweigan lip shine (also by Vasanti).

Rakhi Sawant Has a Fishy Tattoo

2006-09-28T00:30:00.000-04:00

I was looking at these shots from Rakhi Sawant's latest video where she's dressed up as, surprise, surprise, a hot village girl being chased by village guys. The dress was not as shocking as those little fish fins peeking out from her waistband. What in the world? I didn't know Rakhi had a tattoo, in such a provocative place? Any guesses on what this is a tatoo of? I'm guessing it's a fish, and it looks an awful lot like the one Alyssa Milano has in the same spot.

photo source: nowrunning

Jessica's E-mail to Creepy Pa Joe

2006-09-23T00:21:00.000-04:00

Dear Creepy Pa Joe,

Please stop hiding in the bushes and taking pictures of me and Ashlee sunbathing. My friends are starting to say you're "weird" and you're creeping us out. I'm sorry you didn't get that pimp job you applied for, I thought you were like, so perfect for it. I love you. Okay, I have to go now and check my lipstick in the reflection of my Blackberry screen, did you know that I can do that? Yeah, people think I'm so dumb, but I figured out that if you look at your Blackberry screen from just the right angle, it can double as a makeup mirror. Wait a minute, is that you taking a picture of me typing this e-mail right now? I can see you in my Blackberry! Just stop it now, okay?

Love,
Jessica

Mush to Bush: Read It and Weep

2006-09-22T16:09:00.000-04:00

photo credit: Jim Young/Reuters

Today's latest showdown between the Mush and the Bush is just too hilarious. The rumour is that after 9/11, some American government officials went over to Pakistan to to tell the generals they better be with the U.S. on the war on terror or they would be "bombed into the Stone Age." Bombing in Afghanistan had already begun after 9/11 when Bush was trying to "smoke Al-Qaeda out" of the mountains, and Pakistan was going to be next if they didn't help hunt Osama down.

Today, when reporters quizzed the Mush and the Bush about it, Bush got a "Oh my gosh, how did you find out?" look on his face and tried his best to deny the whole thing, only to end up sticking his head up his ass. When the question came into Mush's court, Mush responded by telling the press to buy his book Monday to find out the truth.

The biggest surprise to me in this whole story was that Musharraf has a book coming out full of juicy political gossip. I didn't know he had a tell-all in the works, but now that I know about it, I've got to get my hands on this book! I just checked Amazon, and they are selling it $10 off list price, but the shipping takes a while and I can't wait that long. I forsee a trip to Barnes and Nobles this Monday. While the kids will be engrossed in story hour, I'll be enjoying a nice Mocha Latte and this book full of dirty secrets. I've gotta hand it to Musharraf though, think of him what you may, but he sure knows how to sell a book.

72 Crayons

2006-09-22T01:08:00.000-04:00

Okay, here it is. Pictured here are 48 crayons that were snapped in half by my son, although once he taught the snapping technique to his little sisters, they helped him complete the job. Actually, the total number of crayons destroyed was 72, because there was a pack of 24 Crayola crayons that my son snapped in half all by himself before I gave him a second chance and added 48 fresh Rose Art crayons to their crayon box (which, by the way, is a Shrek lunchbox).

When he was questioned, "Why?" his first response was, "Because it was fun to snap them and hear them snap." When I started giving him the lecture of "Do you realize crayons cost money?" (which, by the way, I never thought I would ever say in my life to anyone!), he changed his answer to, "Well, actually I wanted Z and H to be able to share the same crayon, so I broke them in half for them."

Oh, he is smart. He played the "But I was trying to share and be nice" card.

Needless to say, the kids spent about 3 days without any crayons, while my son completed his homework with some Crayola crayons I had hidden in a cupboard specifically for homework purposes. Then I realized, the girls were being punished more than R. He gets to play with crayons in school, but they didn't need to suffer because of his mistake. So I've given them another chance, and bought them Dollar Store crayons to use in the house. Yes, I agree, they are crappy, they fall apart and are very waxy. But they were three for a dollar at the Dollar Store, and until they learn to respect the brand name that is Crayola, that's the way it's gonna be for a while.

Kajol is a Bigger Diva than J. Lo!

2006-09-17T12:27:00.000-04:00

Kajol recently went into a hissy fit while promoting a new line of dolls called Bollywood Legends, one of which is made in her likeness. What ticked her off was when a photographer asked her to pose with her doll. Kajol got angry and refused, acting as if it were the biggest insult in the world.

I don't see why she had to act that way. After all, it's a doll that looks like you, wouldn't posing with that doll be a great photo op? Don't you want little girls to buy your doll over that of Priyanka Chopra's? After someone reminded Kajol she's being paid by the toymaker to promote the doll, Kajol agreed to pose.

But she had a be a bitch and refused to take the doll out of the box like the photographer had asked.

I turned on my Chic Cam to zoom in on Kajol and her doll's face to see how similar the real Kajol and the doll Kajol were.

I don't see why Kajol was so hesitant about posing with her doll. Other than the doll has a really fat nose, they got her eyebrows and and other features dead on. Except the smile. The toymakers should have drawn a scowl instead of a smile because this is one angry diva.

Also, I just checked the Toys R Us UK site and Kajol should consider herself lucky that she was even selected to be part of the line. Shahrukh Khan is sold out, and there are less than five dolls left of Priyanka Chopra and Kajol. Hrthik Roshan is the only doll there's plenty of in stock. I saw the doll on the Toys R Us site and it looks more like Brad Pitt with black hair than Hrthik. I guess people are not buying it looks like him. I would have thought Aishwarya Rai would have the been the toymakers first choice as a Bollywood Legend, but they are planning to release more dolls in this line so I'll watch out for her doll in the future. An Aishwarya doll is something I would like for myself, and this time I'll make sure I hide it from my daughters until they are old enough to appreciate a doll. I already made the mistake of buying them Diwali Barbie, and within a few days the doll was buck-naked with her head popped off somewhere.

Someone's Been Hover Pissing at The View, Could it be Gisele?

2006-09-15T10:39:00.000-04:00

Joy Behar is perplexed and furious, and she wants some answers. Someone has been hover pissing in the ladies room at The View, leaving pee all over the toilet seats, and Joy wants to know who would do such a thing? Joy says it always seems to happen when a supermodel visits the show. Yesterday, she asked guest Heidi Klum to explain "Heidi, what is the reason for that?" prompting Heidi to ask, "Was it Gisele (Bundchen)?" Joy responded with a sly smile and said, "I'm not gonna name names." Heidi then went on to explain that she's a hover pisser too, but tries her best to make sure all the pee goes in the toilet.

Please, when will this madness end? I don't blame Joy Behar for asking this often unsaid question. Women have remained quiet about this for too long, and it's time we stood up for what's right in the bathroom stall. I'm waging a personal war against hover pissing too and I can totally relate to Joy's disappointment at seeing dirty toilet seats. Way to go Joy Behar, you are my new homegirl. Represent.

For a Video clip of the conversation, click HERE. The clip is titled "Potty Training" ( for adult women) and shows Heidi Klum demonstrating her hover piss stance.

Current Hilton Sisters Terror Alert Level: LOW

2006-09-14T19:59:00.000-04:00

As long as their legs remain crossed, the world can continue to enjoy a pleasant life without the threat of vag slips or sex tapes from the Hilton Sisters.

Posh at Fashion Week

2006-09-14T15:16:00.000-04:00

I think this picture can put to rest all the rumours that Posh is pregnant. She's not. That being said, I actually kind of like her outfit. I like the combination of the tartan plaid skirt with the crisp white shirt. Howeva, she should button up the shirt, just a little, and ditch the catwoman gloves. Those gloves......they just don't belong with this ensemble.

What's in My Bag

2006-09-12T00:41:00.000-04:00

Okay, so the lovely Leilouta tagged me to reveal the contents of my purse and I couldn't have asked for a more delightful tag. As soon as I got the chance, I plunked the bugger down in the middle of my family room floor and let it all out. And yes, that's Ernie peeking from the basket behind there. I won him for my son at the County Fair when he was one year old. He had a choice to pick Ernie, Cookie Monster, or Big Bird, and he reached out and grabbed Ernie. Ever since then, Ernie has been an honorary member of the family. But he still sleeps in a toy basket.

Now on with the purse post. Here's what's in my bag today:

Small jar of Vaseline (we all have chapped lips, this stuff is the best)

Bath and Body Works Just For Kids Anti-Bacterial Hand Foam (do you really need to ask why?)

Wallet

Gym Pass

Combination Lock (for gym locker)

About 50 3-day free passes for the gym (the salesperson handed me a stack of these, I have yet to hand one out to someone)

A crumpled napkin from Starbucks

Retractable Measuring Tape by LG

Two mini jaw clips (for the girls), and a little "ouchless" hair elastic

Mommy-size jaw clip

A scrunchie (for when no one is looking. I know this is a huge fashion faux paux but I still love scrunchies)

Cell Phone

Cetaphil Hand Cream

Clinique Deep comfort Body Butter (I use this as hand cream, it came in a gift with purchase)

Suze Orman's 9 Steps to Financial Freedom (This is an excellent book, and it's not just for financially clueless housewives. Men, women, the young, the old, the rich, the poor, everyone can benefit from this book. I'm on chapter six right now and have realized my broker has been ripping me off with hidden finance charges in my son's 529 plan. He's working for himself, not for me. I'm calling him this week to tell him he's toast. There's no fooling this mama anymore.)

Mom's Plan It (I am not a Blackberry or Palm Pilot person. I need to write it down on old fashioned paper. I plan menus for the week, and write down grocery lists and appointments in it. It helps keep me organized. Or at least make me feel like I tried.)

Winsor Dozen Pilates Guide (I packed this for the trip recently, so I could do pilates in the hotel room. I only ended up using it once.)

Coupon for a local Car Wash

Receipts from Toys R Us and Walgreens

Gymbucks

My son's health and immunization forms for pre-school

Gap Coupons

Rolaids (these are for the husband, but I hold them for him in my purse)

Mirrored Compact

A little brochure I picked up from Canada that gives Travel Tips for Kids and Environment. One of the tips here is "Plan your itinerary, then cut it in half."

Makeup Bag (that's the pink little bag which has a plethora of contents of its own):

Chanel Glossimer Lipgloss in Jaipur
Mac Lipstick in Pink Apertif
Bobbi Brown Lipstick in Rum Raisin
Revlon Tweezers (because I'm a hairy chick. Also, save your money, Revlon tweezers work just as good as Tweezerman for less than half the price.)
Mac Lipstick in "O"
Mac Lipglass in Viva Glam V
Mac Plum lipliner
Bobbi Brown lipliner in Raisin
Clinique travel-size perfume in Happy To Be

I also carry another bag, the Diaper Bag, which has all the wipes, diapers, baby lotion, Desitin Creamy rash cream, spare pair of pants, and underwear for my kids. It also contains bottled water or sippy cups, disposable bibs, crayons, bandaids, and washcloths. That bag also has emergency packets of Motrin (for the headaches my husband and I get), Children's Motrin, and maxi pads. And Mac Lipglass in Little Vi (I've got lippies everywhere. I don't ever want to be caught without lipstick or gloss, it's the one item of makeup I can't live without.)

If you are reading this, consider yourself tagged. Especially you, Sadaf T. :)